8 Reason Why I have To Admit Channing Tatum Is Better Than Me
By Dan Saipher | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (26)
One of our finest institutions at the Pajiba School for the Perpetually Online and Bored at Work are the long diatribes of prods, puns, and put-downs directed at Charming Potato (so well portrayed by Channing Tatum in various film roles). It’s no longer hard, in fact. We’ve got the Step-Up films, lots of … awkwardly … suggestive modeling photos, and the all varied, emotionally complex acting abilities of a highway guard rail.
But sometimes you have to step back and be subjective. Eventually karma is going to snap back at you in a Wily E. Coyote-esque act of hilariously deserved self-destruction. So, let’s step back, show some humility and give the man what dues he’s earned. Here are — I can’t believe I’m willingly admitting this — the top reasons why Channing Tatum is better than me.
1) He Can Dance: Not that I can’t, I mean I’m pretty sure I can do that not-quite-ladylike Hugh Jackman stuff. But Step Up made $65 million, and I’m pretty sure everyone went to the theater that day to see the dancing. Worked on someone.
2) He Got To Movie-Bone Seyfried: That seems to mean something to many of you. Personally, I would’ve said he got to be near Anne Hawathay’s Straford-upon-Areolas, but that’s a fairly tough reference.
p.s. She sings? Well it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
3) Award Winner: I think the last thing I won was an NCAA March Madness pool. He’s won three Teen Choice Awards, and a Sundance Award. Sundance, seriously.
4) Goes Great With Steak: I think I might be a bit tough and stringy paired with a choice cut of beef.
5) Dude Has Made Bank. He’s apparently worth $14 million. The only country in the world I’m worth 14 million of anything is Zimbabwe. It had an inflation rate of 516 quintillion per cent as of 2008*.
I’d do that to Ellen for less than $14 million.
6) Could Be On Jeopardy: No, not as a contestant, silly. “I’ll take ‘Before & After Actors’ for $800, Alex.”
“I appeared as Rizzo in Grease, two short-lived CBS sitcoms, as well as Step Up and G.I. Joe.”
“Who is Stockard Channing Tatum?”
7) The Wife: He didn’t do too bad with the wife. Nope, not at all
8) Long-Term Prospects: He has a bunch of films in post-production, was rumored for Captain America and another G.I. Joe, and might be in 21 Jump Street. Meanwhile, no one is discovering me despite a few projects I’d be perfect in. And you only get to see them if I get a disclaimer they can’t be used against me should I ever run for public office.
*Dan Saipher just wants you to remember you learned something while accidentally reading this.
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
← Five New Movie Posters: Two Leggy, One Trite, One Dull, and One Gooey | Chief Among Liam Neeson's Very Particular Set of Skills? The Ability To Make Me Atomic Fetal Weep. →
Comments
Posted by: Chickaboom at February 16, 2011 12:43 PM
I love watching that fool dance. He needs to do more of that.