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8 Reason Why I have To Admit Channing Tatum Is Better Than Me

By Dan Saipher | Lists | February 16, 2011 |

By Dan Saipher | Lists | February 16, 2011 |

One of our finest institutions at the Pajiba School for the Perpetually Online and Bored at Work are the long diatribes of prods, puns, and put-downs directed at Charming Potato (so well portrayed by Channing Tatum in various film roles). It's no longer hard, in fact. We've got the Step-Up films, lots of ... awkwardly ... suggestive modeling photos, and the all varied, emotionally complex acting abilities of a highway guard rail.

But sometimes you have to step back and be subjective. Eventually karma is going to snap back at you in a Wily E. Coyote-esque act of hilariously deserved self-destruction. So, let's step back, show some humility and give the man what dues he's earned. Here are -- I can't believe I'm willingly admitting this -- the top reasons why Channing Tatum is better than me.

1) He Can Dance: Not that I can't, I mean I'm pretty sure I can do that not-quite-ladylike Hugh Jackman stuff. But Step Up made $65 million, and I'm pretty sure everyone went to the theater that day to see the dancing. Worked on someone.

2) He Got To Movie-Bone Seyfried: That seems to mean something to many of you. Personally, I would've said he got to be near Anne Hawathay's Straford-upon-Areolas, but that's a fairly tough reference.

p.s. She sings? Well it's not the worst thing I've ever heard.

3) Award Winner: I think the last thing I won was an NCAA March Madness pool. He's won three Teen Choice Awards, and a Sundance Award. Sundance, seriously.

4) Goes Great With Steak: I think I might be a bit tough and stringy paired with a choice cut of beef.

Steak and Potato.jpg

5) Dude Has Made Bank. He's apparently worth $14 million. The only country in the world I'm worth 14 million of anything is Zimbabwe. It had an inflation rate of 516 quintillion per cent as of 2008*.


I'd do that to Ellen for less than $14 million.

6) Could Be On Jeopardy: No, not as a contestant, silly. "I'll take 'Before & After Actors' for $800, Alex."

"I appeared as Rizzo in Grease, two short-lived CBS sitcoms, as well as Step Up and G.I. Joe."

"Who is Stockard Channing Tatum?"

7) The Wife: He didn't do too bad with the wife. Nope, not at all


8) Long-Term Prospects: He has a bunch of films in post-production, was rumored for Captain America and another G.I. Joe, and might be in 21 Jump Street. Meanwhile, no one is discovering me despite a few projects I'd be perfect in. And you only get to see them if I get a disclaimer they can't be used against me should I ever run for public office.


*Dan Saipher just wants you to remember you learned something while accidentally reading this.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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