MAD MEN / GAME OF THRONES / MINDHOLE BLOWERS / NETFLIX



30 Hilariously Untrue Facts About The Avengers

By The Eloquents | Seriously Random Lists | November 26, 2012 | Comments ()


tumblr_ls0674znni1r2u4xmo1_500.jpg

Backstory: Ahead of his screening of Red Dawn, TK caught this "Fact" in the pre-movie trivia: "Spider-Man is one of the few Marvel superheroes who is not one of the Avengers." Enraged (obviously), TK took umbrage on Facebook, which resulted in one of the funniest Facebook threads I've ever seen, as Pinky McLadybits, Lainey Bobainey, Paultera, mrcreosote, and Jezzer, among others, began listing a series of Hilariously Untrue Facts About The Avengers.

For your reading enjoyment, the 30 best are listed below.

1. "Did you know that Black Widow is the only redhead in the Marvel Universe?"

2. "Jean Gray goes by Phoenix because she took online courses from The University of Phoenix."

3. "Hawkeye goes by his name, because he was a HUGE fan of M.A.S.H. and has an Alan Alda tattoo on his left ankle."

4. "Iron Man's favorite drink is a Zima with Skittles in it."

5. "Captain America has never produced a reliable birth certificate to prove he was really born in America."

tumblr_m9m0rbfSNp1ry9yc8o1_500.gif

6. "Venom gets his name from the radioactive snake that bit him."

7. "Dazzler shits confetti."

8. "Mystique is French for 'chameleon' "

9. "Deadpool's name comes from his childhood. His mother was brutally murdered in front of him after a drug deal gone wrong, and he was found sealed in a shipping container amidst a pool of the dead."

10. "Ant Man is kind of a dick.

tumblr_mc2mzo2ELP1r1mkubo1_500.gif

11. "Dr. Octo got his moniker from his pre-villain occupation as a marine biologist. "

12. "Emma Frost was born a man and got her name from the method used to remove her penis."

13. "Wolverine's adamantium bones and claws are the result of a weapons experiment. His actual mutant ability is the power to bend the space-time continuum to appear in every Marvel title at once."

14. "Power Man and Iron Fist will never get a movie, even though they would be an excellent vehicle for Tarantino to do a grindhouse Superhero movie. Can't you taste that nerds? Terry Crews or Micheal Jai White along with say an up and coming martial artist as Iron Fist? Wouldn't that movie, set in the 70s be awwwwesome? Well, suck it geeks, because it's never going to happen! NEVA!! You'll get 5 more Spider man origin stories though. In the next one he gets his powers from a tainted birthday cake. "

15. "Cyclops is the most loved and adored member of the X-Men."

tumblr_m56bwxGqtD1qelljp.gif

16. "The Avengers is the name Marvel decided to use after The Revengencers tested poorly."

17. "Namor is Aquaman in his underwear with a bad dye job."

18. "In the comics, Loki is still adopted. However, instead of being a Frost Giant, he is from Puerto Rico."

19. "She-Hulk got her strength and green skin after an emergency blood transfusion from her cousin, the Thing."

20. "The Avengers often call Superman to solve their more difficult problems."

21. The X Men were created as part of a Sesame Street skit due to a lack of existing X words. Wolverine's personality is based on Oscar, the Professor on Mr. Hooper and Cyclops on Grover."

22. "Rogue can't touch herself without going into a coma."

24. "In the Marvel universe bras are only available in DDD and up. Luckily since breasts there are filled with helium, they are rarely needed. "

25. "Colossus is uncircumcised."

26. "Colossus is misnamed. He is also wildly optimistic."

27. "Kitty Pryde has a dragon friend named Toothless."

28. "The Black Panther's alter-ego is a white accountant from Connecticut."

29. "Billed as the first Women's Lib superhero, Ms. Marvel battled the forces of sexism in the 70s with super-strength, flight, invulnerability, precognition, and a skimpy, skimpy outfit. Her one vulnerability was irony."

30. "Jubilee is the most powerful and useful member of the X-Men."

tumblr_m9bzi00jKI1rvdi2yo1_500.gif.jpeg

You can follow Pinky, Lainey, and Paultera on Twitter, read Pinky's awesome Consumer Review blog (along with several other Pajibans), and Jezzer and mrcreosote are here most days making the Pajiba comments section the best on the Internet.



Around the Web


Like Our Facebook Page And an Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

Last Week's Episode Of "American Horror Story" Put The Gross In Gross Anatomy | Red Dawn Review: How Thor And Peeta Saved America From The Commies In The Least Necessary And Most Hilariously Inept Remake Ever







Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • this is the funniest stuff you've ever read??? my sympathies.

  • Jezzer

    It doesn't rival the time Jason Baum decided to be twatty on the internet, but I thought we did pretty well for a brainstorming session.

  • Patty O'Green

    "Dazzler shits confetti" made me choke on peanut butter toast.

    Worth it.

  • denesteak

    2. “Jean Gray goes by Phoenix because she took online courses from The University of Phoenix.”

    this made me shake in silent laughter at my office desk.

  • almost funny...

  • Jezzer

    See what wonders we can create, with TK as our muse?

  • 13. “Wolverine’s adamantium bones and claws are the result of a weapons experiment. His actual mutant ability is the power to bend the space-time continuum to appear in every Marvel title at once.”

    This is actually freakishly true, good Lord. I'm also incensed -- incensed -- that I missed this awesome thread because TK and I aren't FB besties. I experienced some nerdrage that, even though these were tongue-in-cheek fake, someone would even say them. I need to lay down.

  • LaineyBobainey

    You can blame Jezzer. I don't think TK is accepting any FB friends since he got Jezzed. We *thought* TK learned his lesson with BSlim, but nope, he's a slow learner...

  • Jezzer

    >:3

  • Patrick Carr

    If I remember correctly, Ant Man is kind of a dick. So that one isn't too far off base.

  • katenonymous

    Although I guess that the clearest untrue statement would be "Ant-Man is in The Avengers."

  • KateNonymous

    Agreed. #10 is completely true.

  • Shana

    Yeah that one isn't even remotely untrue.

  • Tinkerville

    “Jubilee is the most powerful and useful member of the X-Men.”

    HA! Oh, Jubilee...

  • Fabius_Maximus

    “Iron Man’s favorite drink is a Zima with Skittles in it.”

    That Zima?
    Well, if anyone could pull that drink off, it'd be Tony Stark.

  • BWeaves

    9. “Deadpool’s name comes from his childhood. His mother was brutally
    murdered in front of him after a drug deal gone wrong, and he was found
    sealed in a shipping container amidst a pool of the dead.”

    Then, shouldn't his name be Dexter?

  • Pinky McLadybits

    And that's the joke, folks! BA-DUM TING!

  • wojtek

    "Dazzler shits confetti." I've nothing to add to that, it's perfection.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Counting how many of these were mine makes me an asshole, yes? I'M ALRIGHT WITH IT.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    No. You being you makes you an asshole.

  • LaineyBobainey

    I HAD to upvote that. I had no choice. It absolutely PAINED me that it was Admin's comment, though.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    I'm taking your coconut chips back.

  • LaineyBobainey

    Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, that wasn't me. Someone HACKED my name and upvoted! C'mon, do you think I'd *really* ever upvote a comment by ADMIN? I mean, really!

  • IT WAS MEEEEEEE.

  • LaineyBobainey

    ALSO? Clearly that wasn't me, because I'm at work. WORKING. So...

    Dustin, you should probably look into this whole identity theft thing that's going on here. It looks bad.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    It is an honor to be called asshole by the King of Asshole Isle. /fart

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Tis a noxious and noisy place but it is mine own.

  • This reminds me of a fantastic unnecessary debunking I saw on the internet a while back:
    'Contrary to popular belief, Jesus did NOT invent the table.'
    I had to re-examine my whole world view after that. Here I was thinking we were all still paying royalties.

  • 18. “In the comics, Loki is still adopted. However, instead of being a Frost Giant, he is from Puerto Rico.

    Dying.

  • Fredo

    Did you know that Thor trades hair treatment tips with Black Widow?

blog comments powered by Disqus



film / tv / lists / guides / box-office / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / books / cbr




Trending


Follow Us



Related Posts




Viral Hits
Celebrity Facts

The Best TV & Movie Quotes

The Walking Dead

How I Met Your Mother

True Detective

Parks and Recreation

Cosmos

Hannibal

30 Practical Tips About the Horrors of Raising Children

25 Practical Tips About the Horrors of Raising Twins



Thumbnail image for station-agents-logo.jpg