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Pajiba's Inaugural Caption This Contest -- There Will Be Prizes

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | July 27, 2012 | Comments ()


Jersey-Shore-Shark-Attack-Syfy-4.jpeg

It's been a long time coming.

Other agencies, like the lame New Yorker, have been running caption contests where their constituent pigeons send in shameful, Jay Leno type jokes. It's irritating and embarrassing to watch, let alone participate in, and so we're going to kick all those other loser enterprises to the curb and launch our own. Pajiba is going to get this motherfucker right, and by right I mean wrong, so very, very wrong.

Only the collective genius of Pajiba can take an image and distort, desecrate, contextualize, amplify, satirize and distill into a pitch perfect piece of gold. And so, each week we will be doing this, and you should know that there is a prize, too. We don't know what this prize is yet, but it looms big, bright and beautiful. It could be a car or a Skype date with Dustin Rowles, or maybe a pet. We're not sure right now--life is busy-- but know that there will be a prize.

(Publisher's Note: The prize will be your very own DVD copy of Jersey Shore Shark Attack signed by "Dustin Rowels").

Don't worry.

Someone will win this prize each week by a method not yet determined. This method might be grossly unfair, it might have something to do with a Ouija Board, inappropriate favors or it might be some sort of system of voting, but most likely it will be whatever is easiest, which means a loosely defined consensus from the commentators.

You should also know that all the images are being found, stolen or created by the lovely and talented Replica, so all praise to her.

This is the first image.

I offer up this caption:

"I'm yours for $100 an hour, but there are no safe words, okay?"

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Going with the shark one. "...in other news Nikki Finke made a rare public appearance today in the waters off Malibu."

  • Mitchell Hundred

    "Well, if he doesn't turn into a real boy, just remember that you can always bring him back to me. I'll put that wood to good use."

  • celery

    "Much wood have you chucked today, my lumberjack friend, but a final task awaits you; toss my small friend's caber, and I shall axe of you no more."

    and for the header pic:
    "YOLO!"

  • Max

    "Oh, not much, just chopping enough trees to stuff into all the plot holes in Dark Knight Rises."

  • Aragorn and Gandalf share a knowing smile, "Mmmm, hobbits!"
    And for bonus credit, for the header pic:
    "She cheated on RPatt??!?!?!!???? Whore!!!!!!"

  • melissa82

    Yeah this'll shave his legs. But how high do you want me to go?

  • You think that little guy will fit inside of me.

  • John W

    "Shave and hair cut. Two bits."

  • mswas

    (This one's for Mrs. Julien)

    "If you've to pass for a Highlander, you've got to get the kilt just so."

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Also, the safe word is "cacao."

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Albrecht Durer's early attempts at pornography were a bit tame for his fans.

  • Hawkeye Fierce

    I love a good woodcut joke.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Excellent continuation of the nom de plume theme there, Hawkeye.

  • If only he'd taken a moment to stop his pathetic screaming, Hugh Jackman would have heard Dr. Cox shouting from the beach: "Oh Relax you, Namby Pamby, its just a rock. A big ol' brown and gret rock with carved teeth and red graffiti. Pussy".

    (ps: I know its not hugh jackman, I was just to lazy to figure out who that really is.)

  • googergieger

    Coming up next on TMZ is this a telling picture of Rupert Saunders and Kristen Stewart breaking some shocking news to their fellow costar Chris Hemsworth during the filming of Snow White and The Huntsmen?!

  • bleujayone

    Looks at header pic.....

    Flee the waters! It's the AMPHIBIOUS Rodents of Unusual Size! Even the Shrieking Eels won't trifle with them!

  • ee

    Only in the Northeast for now, and Iowa for some reason...

  • DarthCorleone

    The peaceful reflection upon a job well done would soon be replaced by the vengeful, bloody horror of an attack by the Ents. You'd think Gandalf would have known.

  • John W

    "Wait, wait..I didn't mean to write a bad review of Dark Knight Rises..."

  • Melissa

    "And we shall call him Woody, and he will be ours, and he will be our woody."

  • QueeferSutherland

    The following piece, "Jerry Sandusky As Dwarf Forest Creature," was drawn in 1975 and thought lost before being discovered at a State College yard sale. Bidding begins at $5,000.

  • Elfrieda

    Most history books neglect to mention the event that really sparked the American Civil War: the speech in which Abraham Lincoln expressed his support for wizard-hobbit marriage.

  • mrcreosote

    The Sequal to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was more of a Cult Classic.

  • L.O.V.E.

    You gotta pay the troll toll / If you wanna get into my boy's hole.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • anon33

    I wish I could upvote this 1000 times.

  • Rob Underwood

    No on scoops Nikki Finke and lives to tell the tale!"

  • superasente

    "Bilbo, this is my friend Beorn. He's a real bear."

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Really? I tell you go get me something to spit-roast and you come back with this guy?

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Hey, little man, my eyes are up here.

  • puddin

    Tom Cruise, in a $42,000 pair of custom made lifts, married Jeremy Renner in a quiet Scientology ceremony last week

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    These Axe body spray ads are starting to get really weird.

  • The looming titan, Pajiba, towers over the lame, bearded New Yorker and his dwarven sex slave and speaks: 'You best hand over that balding, dwarven sex slave because Pajiba is in town and we claim it as a caption prize. Also we have an axe.'

  • mswas

    In Soviet Russia, ring finds you!

  • No one had the guts to tell him he didn't quite fit for the role of Gimley.

  • BAM

    "My little friend here s'got a thing for knees."

  • M_Campos

    'Sup girl? How you livin?"

  • kds

    "Tell your dwarf my eyes are up here."

  • Bfabb

    Little man, my eyes are up here.

  • Javier

    ...And so, after their encounter, it became known as Fan Fact.

  • TheBiggestRed

    It was at that moment, whilst staring into the lush fields of hair that lay just beneath the giant's kilt, that Cormac the Small Elf realized yes, he really did want his ass kicked.

  • Karl Kaefer

    That big of an ax gives logjam a whole new meaning. doesn't it?

  • BWeaves

    Is that illustration from The Hobbit?

  • superasente

    Maybe that Beorn the werebear?

  • BWeaves

    "Your father was a Roman officer. His name was Biggus Dickus. Oh, hello Officer."

  • L.O.V.E.

    "He's still staring at my ax isn't he?"
    You have an ax?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    In Oxford fantasy circles in the 30s and 40s, it was commonly known but infrequently acknowledged that first and foremost, boys just want to have fauns.

  • mrcreosote

    Dustin stoops to his most tawdry offer yet in order to get TK to liveblog "Step Up- Revolution"

  • Mei-Lu McGonigle

    When Justin Theroux fell in love with Jennifer Aniston, he didn't bank on her fame monster.

  • mrcreosote

    The unedited version of The Hobbit was much more FF friendly.

  • Bert_McGurt

    "You dirty Prague bastard, when you told me the Czech would be a little short this week you could have been more specific!"

  • Legally Insignificant

    Hercules, Snookie. Snookie, Hercules.

  • Rotwang

    "My little drunken friendhere says you give him wood."

  • Hawkeye Fierce

    In a classic case of hindsight being 20/20, everyone later agreed that allowing Sir Ian McKellan to conduct the auditions for the LOTR franchise might not have garnered the desired results--casting couch, indeed.

  • meh

    Sadly, after the cancellation of Game of Thrones, Peter Dinklage often found himself pigeonholed into the fantasy genre.

  • No Pithy Name

    And those of you who have been pigeonholed into the fantasy genre, well, you know how painful that can be.

  • AudioSuede

    "I trust this mole-child will be sufficient payment for a quick log splitting in the wood shed?"

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Cancel all my appointments. I'm gonna need more ax."

  • geofftherobot

    Professor Flitwick: Impressive Dumbledore,I didn't know your "special" friend was the Bear Jew

  • becks2point0

    Told to dress up for the Magic Mike auditions, we can see that Joe Manganiello nailed it, Daniel Day Lewis may have missed the point and Danny Devito gave it his best shot, God bless him.

  • ,

    Dingdingdingding

    I quit after five seconds.

  • googergieger

    Oh and yeah the contest is over. Give that man the ten thousand dollars.

  • dizzylucy

    That is brilliant.

  • mrsachmo

    Somehow, I thought "the gimp" would be taller...

  • Fredo

    I swear we're going to be so baked, you won't be able to get an erection for the orgy later on!

  • Stallonewolf

    I just want to make sure you're understanding me when I say I'm going to fuck you in the ax wound.

  • ERM

    You are disgusting. I gave you an upvote...

  • L.O.V.E.

    You are disgusting for encouraging his disgusting behavior.

    I gave you an upvote...

  • QueeferSutherland

    "Not only is he wearing a skirt for easy access, but I don't even have to kneel!"

    /Chick-Fil-A does not approve the content of this caption

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Shave and a haircut, and my lovely daughter needs a leg wax.

  • GunNut2600

    The Russian pirated version of "Lord of the Rings" left a lot to be desired.

  • max

    "...and by axe, I mean my pen*s."

  • The Globe Theatre presents William Shakespeare's Newest Comedic Allegory, "Magick Michael", starring the esteemed Sir Channing Tatum as Magick Michael, a woodsman from origins undetermined. Co-starring: The Honourable Matthew McConaughey as Sir Dallas of Texas, and The Esteemed Alex Pettyfer as Sir Adam of Eden.

  • the other courtney

    Demi Moore stars in Teeth 2 : the underbite of love

  • POINGjam

    And my axe!

  • Rob

    I just want to say thank you for using "inaugural" instead of "first annual." That should be commended.

  • BobbFrapples

    There's more to know about Hobbits than their hairy feet.

  • superasente

    Y'know, whether any girls show up or not, I'm feeling pretty good about tonight's costume party.

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