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'Dateable Girls Know How to Shut Up': Life Lessons from Lookadouche

By Sarah Carlson | Miscellaneous | November 13, 2013 | Comments ()


justin_lookadoo.jpg

A “motivational speaker” named Justin Lookadoo would like to teach your teenagers how to not be undateable. That’s him, up in the header photo, in no way resembling someone Chris Hansen once interrogated on NBC’s To Catch a Predator, and there he was today at Richardson High School in Richardson, Texas, extolling his “Dateable Rules” and how they’re totally in line with what God wants for his children, yo. (Yep, Richardson High is a public school.) I’m pretty sure “A Dateable girl isn’t Miss Independent” and “God made guys as leaders. Dateable girls get that and let him do guy things, get a door, open a ketchup bottle” is somewhere in the Beatitudes. And “Dateable guys know they aren’t as sensitive as girls and that’s okay” is just common sense.

Apparently, some parents kicked up a fuss upon learning of the impending in-school presentation, which was then postponed — but not for long. Lookadoo, a former Juvenile Probation Officer, came to spread his incisive commentary on gender (only for straights, though — pray it away already, gays) anyway. Because you’re sad you missed it, go here to take the R.U. Dateable quiz, and peruse the rules for dateability here.

… I’m undateable. Damn it. (Frances Ha jokes have already been made on my Facebook wall, so you’re too late.) I guess that’s because “Dateable girls know how to shut up.” :(

The students didn’t take too kindly to the message and instead took to Twitter, coining the hashtag #Lookadouche:

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Looks like some of the kids are all right after all. As for the adults at Richardson Independent School District responsible for booking Lookadouche? Not so much.

Update: District officials released a statement: “RHS and RISD approve of the broad messages shared with students related to self-empowerment and dating violence, but do not support some of the terminology used by the speaker to generalize student behaviors.”

Sarah Carlson is a TV Critic for Pajiba. She lives in San Antonio. You can find her on Twitter.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • getinthecarchris

    Anyone else see Johnny Rotten?

  • webelos8

    #7: He asks you what you are doing this weekend. You say nothing.

    So-does that mean that you don't say anything, or "You say, 'Nothing.' "
    HMM?? Punctuation, people. It works.

  • webelos8

    ah well, it doesn't matter, I'm dateless anyway.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I think I finally understand the target audience of Ed Hardy shirts.

  • e jerry powell

    I need some girls to hold this doucheface down. I'm gonna kick him into emasculation myself.

  • Jason Malmberg

    Smashmouth Don Knotts

  • anikitty

    You think he stole his hairstyle from Lisa Simpson?

  • e jerry powell

    Nope. Pinhead.

  • HelloLongBeach

    Donnie Wahlberg looks like shit.

  • stella

    Do I have to be quiet about his hair though? I really want to talk about that.

  • bastich

    For one glorious second, I thought the header pic was of John Lydon.

    I would pay good money to see "Johnny Rotten: Motivational Speaker" in action.

  • Oh God I wish I could give you four thousand upvotes for this.

  • eag46

    So would I. I don't know what to think about this dickweasel except I hope whoever hired him for the school gets fired.

  • Took the quiz and, apparently, I am really close to the....DANGER ZONE!!

    You’re close to really losing it. Don’t let your hormones take over. To
    be a man you have to control how far you go. Right now you’re way off.

  • chanohack

    That's the response?!? I hate this Lookaguy. Fuck him.

  • dizzylucy

    I'm sorry, I can't even read the article. My brain just can't process the word "Dateable" next to that header photo.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    The guy who looks like the lovechild of Cliff Howard and Guy Fieri is giving life advice? That's about as rich as the deep dish cookie dough pizza I had the last time I visited 'Flavortown'.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Guys, please stop giving this asshole's site free traffic.

  • jimmyt

    Best Stay in School Assembly ever

  • Parsnip

    Dude looks like he stuck his finger in a electric socket, what with his expression and hair.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    The whole spiky bleached hair thing looks a lot worse when you're clearly balding.

  • TheReinaG

    Hey, at least my alma mater has a claim to fame other than the Jeremey Dell suicide? (From the Pearl Jam song) Nope, both these are terrible things.

  • Anne_Hedonia

    I want to queef in his face. Is that undateable behavior?

  • Quatermain

    That header picture? Goddam. And here I thought Chris Hayes had a punchable face, he's got nothing on this dude.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    Frankly, if dudes like this consider me "undateable", that's a sign that I'm doing something right.

  • Brian Tibbets

    Damn you (ooops, DARN you) Rule 6--I forgot to "conquer lands" while fumbling through that date with Amy senior year. No wonder she didn't call me back.

  • Nicole_OCTV

    Here is my full 'U R Dateless' assessment based on my responses to the quiz, for the enjoyment of all. (Seriously, adults who pay this man to [attempt to] indoctrinate children should be arrested for child abuse). The grammar in the last sentence is so childlike it would be charming if the message wasn't so abhorrent :

    The mystery is gone. You’ve probably told him everything about you so
    why would he want to see you again? But it’s not too late. Start talking
    less and listening more. Let him bring up things to talk about. Ask him
    questions about him. Stop talking about yourself so much. There is
    plenty of time for him to get to know you. Practice thinking about him
    and take your eyes off yourself so much.

  • BlackRabbit

    Create a small voodoo doll of yourself and use some of your hair to make it real. Give the doll to him after leaping out of the bushes at his house one morning. Tell him you will be his for the rest of your lives.
    Snap secret photos of him and past them up all over your house. If anyone objects, scream at them. They do not understand your pure, eternal love and are the enemy.

  • bastich

    Perfect score on the quiz:

  • cj

    I just wanted to say that this is not representative of Texas. I see a lot of tweets and messages and comments (not necessarily here) that are blaming Texas as a whole for this. And while we have a lot of work to do with regards to how our legislature feels about women, this is not representative of how people down here feel (hence the outrage). I am really proud of those kids for speaking out. This was a misguided decision by the school district.

  • Maguita NYC

    You need to vote in more representatives that share your beliefs!
    And I really do hope Texas will be making shortly a comeback in equality, and puts a stop to all the crazy getting too much bad publicity.

  • cj

    We're trying! It's at the same time sad but also exciting for the future. The tide is turning down here and I feel like there are a lot of people ready to put their votes where their mouths are.

  • Ben

    Man I took his datable quiz
    Question 2: The Best date is in public Y/N
    Question 6: The only real date is One on One Y/N

    Did this really need two fucking questions?

  • Pippa_Laughingstock

    What kid would want to listen to that guy? Dudes would follow the opposite of his advice so as not to be so tremendously uncool. In my opinion, he's doing us all a favor.

  • Chucktastic

    Oh Texas... is it even a surprise this kind of crap happens there? At this point Chuck Norris could give a speech on the steps of the state capital about how roundhouse kicks cure "the gays" and I wouldn't even blink.

  • muscleman

    PORN IS BAD????
    Show me the horndog boy in that audience that heard a word this
    Idiot said after that.

  • foolsage

    Grah. Blerg.

    There is so much offensive about this kind of normative bullshit.

  • L.O.V.E.

    I don't think Pajiba is being fair to this guy. How can he defend himself on this site when he can't leave a comment because he has been preemptively happily banned. Its a Catch-Twentydouche.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    The guy has a Myspace page. Do you think he could deal with Disqus?

  • foolsage

    * double rimshot *

  • Panda

    This is the high school I attended...I'm beyond speechless. When I went, it was the only high school in the district that didn't have abstinence-only education and my teachers actively encouraged me to be loud and out-spoken. How times have changed. Guess they really wanted to be in the news again now that people forget that the Pearl Jam song "Jeremy" was based on an event that happened there now decades ago.

  • The Mama

    Damnit. Freaking Justin is making me comment twice.

    Justin? Keeping women "covered up" is a nice way of saying that women should wear burquas because the men might not be able to control themselves if they see a well-turned ankle.

    And dear sweet baby Jesus, did you guys check out his website? Under the FAQs, his response is "legal in every state". WHAT?

  • loo shag brolley

    " It’s very cool to see the kids faces when “the tall man” starts to speak their language."

    http://www.pajiba.com/image/tu...

  • DeaconG

    Dude. It's Jesusland.

  • Twillahiss

    How would you get your hair to do that? Does he have to gel a tiny section at a time? I don't understand why he'd take the time and effort when it ends up looking so very, very ugly.

  • hoppergrass

    I'm guessing he does it because, as he states in his.. er, I mean GOD'S rules for dateability: "Dateable guys know life is about danger. You might not win, but that’s not the point, doing it is. Dateable guys risk failure to live the
    adventure of life." It must be so much easier to get that message across to teens when you can actively demonstrate said failure.

  • Twillahiss

    Oh OUCH! hahaha

  • hoppergrass

    Dating the Lookadouche Way: A Play in One Act

    BOY and GIRL stand in the crowded, well-lit church parking lot beside GIRL's smoking car. BOY's shirt sleeves are rolled up, and a splash of motor oil streaks across his chin. In one hand, he holds a slab of beef ribs, dashing the meat from the bone with his strong, white teeth as he lifts the hood and peers into the machinery. GIRL does something... I dunno, something chaste and modest; do we really care?

    BOY: When did you first notice the problem?

    GIRL: (blushes)

    BOY: I mean, how long has it been doing that?

    GIRL: (ducks head)

    BOY: Seriously, I need to know - did you hit something?

    GIRL: (bites her lower lip, but in a manner that could in no way be considered titillating)

    BOY: I can't fix this unless you give me a hint where to start looking.

    GIRL: (opens her mouth, wisely reconsiders)

    BOY: I give up.

    AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. END SCENE

  • BlackRabbit

    Come on, give me a challenge for someone to dislike. This jackhole is low-hanging fruit in the douche universe.

  • Ben

    What is he? I mean judging from the picture there is no way that is a human being.

  • Repo

    I can't decide which eye to look him in to tell him he's an idiot.

  • Ben

    that header photo looks like he just saw himself in a mirror and is experiencing a mix of shock and disgust over his hair.

  • The Mama

    Well, first of all, maybe I would give little Justin here some more credence if he, you know, had some better grammar. Justin, darling, if you're reading this, please review the rules of commas and capital letters when you're using quotation marks. Also? "Let's" translates to "let us". "Lets" means "allow". So, to make it more clear, you can't write the phrase "...let's God run the world" because that means "...let us God run the world". Which, you know, doesn't make sense.

    Secondly, if this jackass came anywhere near my daughter and told her that a "dateable girl isn't Miss Independent", we would have some strong words. I'd like Justin to talk to my mama, who was the originator of the "strong women in this family" speech, which I am proud to admit that I now give my daughter,

    Thirdly, Justin, I'd like you to look my nine year old daughter in the eye and tell her that boys are more adventurous, stronger, and more dangerous than she is. My daughter who, by the way, wears two different socks every day because that's the way she likes it, and now all the kids in her class do it, too. Who rocks a fake fur vest, combat boots with the glitter coming off, and a neon rainbow skirt, all at the same time. Who has never met a roller coaster she doesn't like. Who isn't afraid to tell people she likes to read. Who says to me, in response to me pointing out that maybe she should tone down her outfit a bit and find things that match, "Mama, I like the way it looks. Why do you care what anyone else thinks?" And who has more self-confidence in her little finger than I, at 38, have in my whole body.

    So you know what, Justin Douchalookawhatever? Fuck you.

    Also? I'm undateable, too.

  • stella

    Your daughter sounds awesome

  • sanity fair

    Mama,

    You are awesome, and you have an awesome daughter. Don't stop doing whatever you're doing, because you're doing it right.

    Sincerely,
    Sanity Fair :)

  • The Mama

    Sanity Fair -
    Thanks. :) She's is awesome, despite my best efforts to screw her up.

  • Christina W.

    So I took the quiz, undatable of course, and read the dating rules. I guess this guy doesn't believe his god made women with even Aspergers. Apparently someone with different social skills is not godly enough.

    I'm so glad those girls in Richardson said something publicly. This is why I'm so glad that there was no social media when I was in high school in Texas.

  • KittySnide

    I took the quiz! both of them, actually. Lady KittySnide is "Totally Dateless!" but Dude KittySnide is "Da Man"!

  • mehgs

    Similar to my results except as a man I'm borderline. Apparently I'm a real horndog as a dude.

  • Maguita NYC

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    "CONGRATS!
    You’re a wanted woman. Guys are dying to find out more about you. That’s what keeps ‘em coming back for more. Your phone’s probably ringing off the hook. You don’t tell people everything in the world about yourself. You know they can’t take it all in at once and so you only give them a little peek at a time. Keep being Dateable!"

    (so I cheated a bit :p)

  • Don't feel bad, Maguita, I'm dateable too. :O Thing is, most of the advice basically rounds up to "shut the f** up and listen to the other person now and then" - which would be GOOD advice, were it aimed at BOTH PEOPLE ON THE GODDAM DATE.

  • Maguita NYC

    Why, how dare you! Only you should be shutting up and listening to the other person... Unless she's a woman...

  • hoppergrass

    I'm undateable: "The mystery is gone. You’ve probably told him everything about you so why would he want to see you again?" I don't know; 'cause I'm also kinda slutty?

  • sanity fair

    Hey, me too! SISTER SLUTS UNITE!!

  • Ben

    Is just liking someone and enjoying spending time with them out of the question? Man I've been doing this whole dating thing wrong then.

  • emmalita

    Someone probably forgot tell you that you were less sensitive and needed to go do guy things. And do all the talking, because dateable girls shut up.

  • Ben

    Fuck, man I'm glad this was posted. I'm getting ready to Marry a girl, but she like... talks and shit. So I'd better dump her arse and find someone properly datable.

  • Maguita NYC

    You better have her take that test Ben before she walks down the isle. Also, make sure she knows where her place is in the home you'll be sharing ;)

  • Maguita NYC

    Forget about him. Slutty is how I like'em! So tell me ALL about yourself little Hoppergrass.

  • These kids make me so damn happy. I'm gonna stop right there because that (points at the slimmed-down subway demon from END OF DAYS) - THAT, or the adults pushing THAT, I can't even address.

    Yep. It's all good, gonna go blast Baba O'Reilly and dance around and it'll be fine lalalalalala

  • Does "douche" and all its various add ons reinforce gender norms, kind of like "bitch"? I'm under the impression it does and thus try to stick to "asshole".

  • Kris

    I like "asshat" myself. Non-gender specific with a nice, appropriate head-up-the-ass visual.

  • loo shag brolley

    Nah. Douche is a product that is sold to women that purports to benefit them, when in fact it does the opposite and can be quite harmful.

    In short: "douche" applies.

  • firedmyass

    I've lately been substituting the gender-neutral "enema."

  • Ben

    A douche is different to an arsehole is different to a bitch.

  • bleujayone

    Did his Mommy get drunk and fuck a pufferfish during a Spring Break trip?

  • Finance_Nerd

    He looks like Guy Fieri after a few rounds of chemo. "Hey kids, in Flavortown, a guy will be looking while a dateable girl does the cooking."

  • stella

    Your avatar Is just perfect.

  • Finance_Nerd

    Thank you... I think

  • Mrcreosote

    There's a picture on his site of him with that hateful douche Jerry Falwell. He compares himself to Jordan and freely uses "chillin with my peeps". He has a myspace page. I'm sure he thinks of himself as a "brand". I'm usually nicer about this, but seeing how his entire life revolves around feeding kids his hip jesus horseshit how about we just tie a cage of rabid rats to his junk. That's what J.C. would want because he was EXTREEEEEEME!!!

  • Pinky McLadybits

    He looks like the love child of Angelica's Cynthia doll and the "ALIENS!" dude from the History Channel. TEACH ME YOUR BIBLICAL WAYS, LOOKADOUCHE!

  • Maguita NYC

    To understand Lookadoosh, I had to have me some hooch, and dance around baring my happily undateable naked cooch.

    One has to be drunk to agree with any of that shit. As for getting biblical... Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  • Tinkerville

    It's really very nice of him to have such an appalling hairstyle. Makes him easy to recognize and then suckerpunch.

  • stella

    Yeah, I really want to talk about that, but Id hate to be undateable.

  • IngridToday

    I spent about a minute trying to figure out what the hell as going on this hair. The most confusing part is that he clearly spent time making it look that way.

  • chanohack

    IT MAKES THE KIDS THINK HE'S HIP AND WISE. OBVIOUSLY.

  • Stu Rat

    Hey, it isn't easy getting that "Fraggle" look.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Why, Wembley, why?! What happened to you? Too many years of living in Gobo's shadow?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Thank you. I clicked on this post, and then thought "why do I click on things that will enrage me?"

    But then looking at pictures of teenage girls from all races in the heart of Texas taking a stand against this wildly inappropriate speaker made me breathe a sigh of relief for the next generation.

  • Pat Sponaugle

    Wow.

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