Courtney & Joanna: We're Different People
We are Courtney Enlow and Joanna Robinson. We have much in common. We both write for Pajiba. We both have brown hair (mostly, Joanna’s hair color changes a lot). We both think ourselves humorous. We both enjoy Matt Smith and would like to enjoy him carnally, preferable involving our vaginas (or, as Joanna would say, ladyparts), something else we both have. But at the end of the day, we are, in fact, wholly separate individuals with vast and glorious differences (but not vas deferens…though I guess we covered that). Which is why we tend to become a tad bummed when our commenters, who we love with all the sparkles in Unicorn Gumdrop Land, confuse us. Commenters litter Courtney posts with “I agree, Joanna, you’re so funny” and Joanna posts are often fraught with “Courtney, I’m not sure why you keep linking to Joanna’s Twitter at the end of your posts.” We wish this to cease. And we feel it might be helpful, integral, even, to your Pajiba experience, for you to truly get to know the ladypeople you sometimes confuse. (Courtney wrote this intro and Joanna likes interjections, parentheses, and ellipses…can you tell?)
This is Courtney.
This is Joanna.
Joanna: Hey, I’m Joanna. Odds are if you see lots of images of breasts, it’s a Joanna Post.
Courtney: Hi. I’m Courtney. My posts are typically indicated by the presence of a Bieber or a Snooki monster.
Joanna: If you see the word “nethers,” you know you’re reading a Courtney post.
Courtney: Joanna’s really good at coming up with precious terms of endearment. I generally refer to you as “you people.”
Joanna: If you read a pun that makes you either audibly groan or attempt to pluck out your eyes so you never have to read again, you’ve accidentally clicked on another Joanna post.
Courtney: If the post involves threatening a famous stranger with some form of bodily injury, it’s probably Courtney. Bitch has issues.
Joanna: If you’re reading about the finer workings of ABC’s TGIF line-up from the 90’s or something that indicates the writer knows more about Saved By The Bell than you ever dreamed possible, you’re reading Court, you lucky bastard.
Courtney: If you’re staring at a clever list, that’s everyone but Courtney, as she only does lists when she has literally pulled every hair out of her head due to lack of news. But if it’s a list that is at once informative and breast-laden, it’s probably Joanna.
Joanna: If you see a whole lotta linkie thingies? That’s a Pajiba Love. Joanna writes those.
Courtney: Eloquent rants with dollops of femme-tasticness = Joanna. 2,000 word diatribes about MTV and Eat Pray Love? That’s the other one.
Joanna: Courtney once described Riley from Buffy The Vampire Slayer as a clownshoe. Stop the internet, that’s the best thing anyone has ever written.
Courtney: Joanna once posted the trailer for the movie Airborne and it made me the happiest girl this side of Colin Firth’s bedroom.
Joanna: Court’s getting married next month, so if you hear “dress, shoes, florists, caterers or feyonce” in a post, that’s Court. If the writer openly flirts with you? That’s Joanna. Call her, she’s single.
Courtney: I’m glad she said that because I was about to talk about how “if the writer inserts a casual mention of her upcoming nuptials because she’s physically unable to get through the day without mentioning it at this point but doesn’t want to be that girl, it’s Courtney” but now I don’t have to because she did it for me, but you’ll note I did it anyway for the aforementioned reasons.
Joanna: Courtney has forgotten more about Britney Spears than I will ever know in fifty lifetimes.
Courtney: I’ve told you people far too much about the dark secrets that cloud my iPod. Also, I’ve never forgotten anything about my Brit Brit. It’s alllllll up here.
Joanna: Joanna likes to mock hipsters, even though she clearly is one, excuse her while she finishes this PBR.
Courtney: Courtney went to Hipster University (aka, Columbia College Chicago) and rebelled against her fairly inherent hipster culture by wearing Abercrombie & Fitch and talking a LOT about The OC. This was so much douchier than just wearing the fucking American Apparel lamé leggings. She really does love The OC though. So does Joanna. *high fives for Seth Cohen*
Joanna: Speaking of The OC Joanna lives in California (and loves transitional phrases). She brags a lot about the weather here. She’s never held a snow shovel and wouldn’t know the first thing about de-icing a windshield. Would a blow dryer work? Like with a really long extension cord? Is that what people do?
Courtney: Courtney lives in Illinois. She doesn’t brag about shit.
Joanna: Joanna’s really tall, you can’t tell this when reading her writing but Courtney’s really short and types like a short person. I would quote Randy Newman here, but I hate that guy for no good reason.
Courtney: Oh shit man, me too. I got yelled at for it on the Oscar liveblog. Oh, yeah, forgot, if there’s a liveblog, it’s probably me. Or Lifetime is having a very special evening, in which case it’s TK.
Joanna: Joanna has an annoyingly amaranthine affinity for alliteration. She also has a thesaurus and is not afraid to use it.
Courtney: Joanna really likes the movie The Beastmaster. Courtney really likes the movie The Crush. This is a toss-up.
Joanna: Both of us really like The Cutting Edge and will toepick Dustin in the face the next time he speaks ill of it.
Courtney: Courtney just got done looking up what “amaranthine” means. She’s not proud of this.
There. We hope this helped.
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