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Liveblogging the '90s: Real-Time Review of 'The Craft'

By Courtney Enlow | Liveblogging the 90s | May 30, 2014 | Comments ()


spirit.jpg

We have such a special movie today. It is about the bonds of sisterhood kind of not really because they all turn on the nice one BUT WHATEVER THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS BECAUSE THE POINT IS WITCHES AND FANTASTIC ‘90S MINISKIRTS.

0:00:30 - I cannot stress how badly I wanted to be a witch when I was younger / when I just typed this sentence just now. Circa the time this movie came out, my room was filled with celestial glow candles, crystal balls and a purple glass pyramid that I would put wishes into and they all pretty much came true that’s why I’m a famous actress right now.

0:01:39 - The credits are clouds. So that’s swell. Also, Sarah (Robin Tunney) is on a plane with her dad and step-mom and if I recall this is the first and last time we ever see the step-mom in the face. She only very barely exists.

0:02:54 - It actually angers me how underrated and underused Robin Tunney is. She should have been HUGE. She should have at least two Oscar nods. Hollywood is a tricky bitch.

0:03:36 - I love Sarah’s house. Even though it has roof damage and occasional crazed homeless men and snakes, I love it.

0:04:49 - I thought Robin Tunney’s wig would be easier to spot in my old age, but it’s not. It’s a top notch damn wig, “RuPaul’s Drag Race” styles. She was still bald from Empire Records and being Sinead O’Rebellion.

0:05:26 - “I can’t stay home and watch daytime TV for the rest of my life.” Um, I legit could. If that paid, I could and would. That’s the actual literal dream.

0:05:35 - “Jenny will pick you up.” THE STEP-MOM IS JENNY. I did not remember that she had a name.

0:05:37 - “I’ll walk.” THE STEP-MOM JENNY IS NOT ALLOWED ANOTHER SCENE.

0:06:12 - Remember when Skeet Ulrich happened? Like, and how he was a thing and he happened and that took place? Good times, guys.

0:06:14 - Honestly, everyone in this cast deserved much better. Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, fuckin’ Breckin Meyer? All goddamn gold.

0:06:37 - There are so many barrettes in this scene. Plastic balls, plastic flowers, ALL THE BARRETTES.

0:06:39 - “Four would make a circle.” No, four wouldn’t make a circle, Rochelle; it would make a damn square. Read a real non-magic book for a quick minute then talk shapes again.

0:08:21 - Sarah is making her pencil float and spin on its tip. You cannot imagine how many times I tried this in class. I failed. I am not a natural witch.

0:09:21 - Bonnie is all “I found our super new best friend to the max” until Sarah actually walks up then she and everyone else is all:

thecraftmean.jpg

Because high school.

0:09:34 - It’s a thing that goes on for a while in this movie. Nancy wants to be a super fancy witch, but doesn’t want a fourth witch to do witch stuff.

0:10:08 - I want to point out that we are in a Catholic school with uniforms and I want us all to remember this when the girls start dressing awesome. They look fab but would definitely be getting detention every day. I got detention once because my shirt corner came untucked.

0:11:19 - Guys in movies are always like “you can totes come watch me at football practice” which is literally the most boring thing I can possibly ever imagine doing ever. Luckily it wasn’t an issue for me in high school because of how boys never asked me to come watc—*sobs of high school emotions*

0:11:57 - Nancy’s jacket is so pleather it’s like pleather-plus. PLUSTHER. It is made of garbage bags and shine.

0:12:35 - “He comes on to anything with tits, Sarah.” “Except me.” DAMMIT, BONNIE, NO ONE WALK TALKING ABOUT YOU. I bet she’s fun to hang out with.

0:13:35- Nancy while walking and not anywhere near close enough to see Sarah’s wrist: “What’s up with that?” Sarah: “I slit my wrists.” I MEAN OBVS, NANCY.

0:13:48 - Bonnie: “You even did it the right way.” Nancy: “Punk rock. Let’s go.” This is the least healthy, possibly most realistic teenage conversation this whole movie.

0:14:06 - The witch store is seriously the store I will one day open an exact replica of and I will have long flowing hair and stand there and wave my hand over candles and let teenagers steal shit. Guys. I will be the best witch. So good at witching.

0:15:53 - The book the shop lady gave Sarah is called The Craft and she said it “explains all” so I assume it’s the script.

0:15:59 - Fifty bucks for some stick candles and a book? Damn, no wonder the other girls steal.

0:16:11 - “When you are a natural witch, your power comes from within.” Aces, so give the girl back her fifty dollars, you charlatan!

0:16:29 - They were just in a really nice area and now they’re in the legit scary part of LA and it’s dark. They have apparently been walking for days and are now in Chino (I am to understand Chino is bad because I watched The O.C. in its entirety and pretty much know all about this kind of thing).

0:17:16 - So homeless snake crazy appears and is spouting all kinds of homeless snake crazy things and Sarah makes him get hit by a car with her mind. He even bounces off the tire! *air guitar solo of witchcraft*

0:17:43 - They run away (in case they’re in danger of being arrested for thought powers?) to a park with a random ripped up couch in it and then collapse onto that couch and now probably have six kinds of hepatitis and bird flu.

0:18:32 - Fun fact: Manon does not exist. Not in, like, a skeptical disbelieving way, but in a for real way. The director made up a deity so the invocation would not be reenacted.

0:20:24 - Sarah runs away from her new friends because of scary god-devil-football field deities and goes on a late-night rooftop date with Skeet Ulrich. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT EVEN. I mean, it seems to be the same night. It might not be. She’s wearing different clothes. That said, the other clothes had park couch on them so I would change, too.

0:21:28 - So Skeet kisses Sarah then jumps up all “come back to my house; no one’s there” which is not exactly the pants-moistening pillow talk he seems to think it is, then is all pouty sadface when she doesn’t. She apologizes. DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR NOT GIVING YOUR VAGINA AWAY LIKE A FUR COAT STORE SALE PAMPHLET, SARAH! (I am very much still in Twitter activism mode and I don’t know how to mute it).

0:21:39 - Chris apparently went to school and told everyone that Sarah did in fact give her vagina away like a fur coat store sale pamphlet and that she was “the lousiest lay he’s ever had.” Christine Taylor laughs at Sarah because she’s the bitch villain.

0:23:07 - “She’s gonna cry, and I’m gonna cry. We’re all gonna cry!” is one of my most quoted movie lines of all time. It’s seriously on the Ghostbusters/Sixteen Candles level of weekly usage.

0:23:16 - Laura is a racist piece of shit, but seriously Rochelle was up on that diving board for a long ass time.

0:24:01 - Ugh. Laura. That’s one of the most racist characters I’ve ever seen in a movie that wasn’t about racism and I’m really glad her hair falls out and her head gets scabby.

0:25:12 - Bonnie has lots of scars all over her back, presumably from a fire, so they do painful pointy gene therapy. In a deleted scene, we find out Sarah fixes her with sage and a backrub, which does seem cheaper.

0:27:00 - Nancy lives in a trailer with a drunk mom, an abusive step-dad and a basically literal garbage existence of a life. Everyone’s life is terrible.

0:28:02 - I don’t know if this scene is out of order, but in the scene where Nancy tells Sarah they’re going on a “field trip” Bonnie is wearing short sleeves and her hair is up and she’s laughing, so it must be after she’s fixed. Must be another field trip in a deleted scene. Or they forgot greasy hair and scars.

0:29:46 - Ugh, guys, why are we not wearing sundresses and practicing spells in a field like right now? I have meetings I can cancel if you all just want to meet in a damn field for some damn sundresses and spells.

0:31:12 - I drink of my sisters and ask for more drinks. #WinoWitch

0:32:42 - There were butterflies and now Skeet is in love with Sarah. And yes he is the one character I will refer to by the actor’s name because the actor’s name is Skeet and why wouldn’t I. He was a greasy JV Johnny Depp and I’m happy we had him.

0:33:13 - Also, more plastic barrettes. And a crocheted purse. I totally had several crocheted purses. Also, I accidentally spelled “crocheted” as “crotched” twice.

0:34:39 - Catholic school truth: you always wanted to sit by your crush in all-school Mass which was really weird now that I think about it.

0:35:23 - They’re having a sleepover watching “Wheel of Fortune.” These chicks live my life.

0:35:59 - Bonnie is wearing a short skirt and short sleeves again. The editor was drunk at the wheel. GET IT TOGETHER, EDITOR. Know your Neve Campbell wardrobe and hair timing!

0:36:43 - How many sleepovers did you spend attempting Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board? Because the answer is ALL OF THEM. We also played Candyman and sometimes the furnace would kick on during the third “candyman” and I wouldn’t sleep for several weeks.

0:38:04 - This has SUCH a good soundtrack. Letters to Cleo. Matthew Sweet. Siouxsie and the Banshees. Portishead. Sponge. A Love Spit Love cover of The Smiths. Juliana motherfucking Hatfield, PEOPLE. This is too much.

0:38:21 - None of this is dress code, ladies. Nipples are not dress code, ladies. (True fact: my high school’s dress code included the exact verbiage “No booty pants.”)

sonotdresscode.jpg

0:38:46 - Sarah pulls out Christine Taylor’s hair and Christine Taylor calls her a bitch because Christine Taylor does not care about black people but she does care about her luxurious locks.

0:39:45 - This is a very depressing topic, but I really hope and believe that dying in childbirth is way more common in movies than it is in real life, and that it is merely as statistically rare as it is narratively easy.

0:39:56 - Bonnie is asking Manon to take her scars and frankly she should have started praying to the editor because that guy works way faster than Manon.

0:40:45 - Laura’s hair is all “this bitch is racist as fuck, let’s jump ship, follicles” and Rochelle is all “her tragedy gives me diving skills” and the coach is all “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?” and I’m all stuck in a loop and I’m all please call for help please help me.

0:41:57 - Bonnie’s scars are peeling off in the funnest way, like when you would put glue all over your hand and peel it off. My grandma used to use Merle Normal Miracol and I would paint it all over my face when I went to her house because it would dry and get all hard and then I would open my mouth and eyes really big and my face would shatter like creme brulee and then I would peel the rest off and that’s basically what’s happening on screen right now. Good times.

0:42:55 - Bonnie comes in all sassy and showing skin and having washed her hair and it would be more effective if the editor hadn’t fucked up and showed scenes with her hot and confident already.

0:44:28 - Holy shit the abusive step-dad is Carl the janitor from The Breakfast Club and I don’t know what to do with this discovery.

0:45:02 - Nancy kills abusive step-dad/Carl the janitor with her mind bullets. Sharp cut to her mom sitting there with roses on her lap and I like to think when you’re a cigarettey widow, roses just appear on your lap and cigarettes just appear in your mouth.

0:46:01 - The life insurance they get is $175,000 and they buy a huge condo in LA AND a Connie Francis jukebox? Like…no. Even in 1996 dollars that’s silly. No wonder their only furniture is a couch and a halogen lamp.

0:50:40 - No one wants to look outside and see a Skeet Ulrich in your cactus bed. It’s just no good. They should probably alert the realtor because I’m sure that was NOT on Zillow.

0:51:37 - Apparently you can’t undo a spell. It has to run its course. That seems like poor spell planning. Magic is finicky like that. It’s like when you eat three cupcakes and you can’t just uneat three cupcakes. They have to run their course. Science.

0:53:09 - Nancy is getting a whole bunch of shit and it’s $25. Sarah got charged $50. THIS IS SO WIG-IST.

0:53:45 - Guys, we could be on a beach with some birds and goldfish doing spells right damn now.

0:54:25 - Before Sarah tried to kill herself, she would hallucinate snakes and bugs. I’m sure this will not come back at any point later in the movie. I’m sure everything will be just fine.

0:55:46 - Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the beached whales that they explode all over crazyass Nancy. Hear us!

0:56:20 - According to IMDb, all kinds of wacky shit happened during the filming of this scene like lights going out and bats and stuff. And Fairuza Balk really walked on water. One of these is not real (but probably totally happened on the set of Return to Oz).

0:58:39 - My bad, they’re beached sharks. I don’t know if they explode. But they might. I only know what I know from Jaws which is a documentary shot in real-time.

0:59:25 - Nancy has a sweet red convertible now too. They have clearly already blown through all their dead dad money.

1:00:04 - Everyone’s a bitch now because their magic came true and Sarah is not OK with it because she’s the nice one. Also Nancy doesn’t give a fuck about traffic safety and that’s how we know she’s a loose cannon.

1:01:36 - Laura’s hair is all falling out and looks like Dan Aykroyd in Nothing But Trouble.

1:02:47 - Sarah finally gives into the begging of a be-love-spelled Skeet Ulrich and they go on a date and he gets rapist and it’s bad news but at least Nancy is going to straight up murder him soon.

1:05:15 - Avoiding attempted rape to say you know what’s a great movie? Niagara, Niagara. The whole movie is on YouTube. Watch it and lament what could have been for Robin Tunney’s career.

1:06:35 - Nancy goes to a party to see Skeet because it’s MURDER O’CLOCK. But first it’s TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH SKEET O’CLOCK and I can’t decide if that’s part of the plan or not. I can’t decide if she was jealous of Sarah and is trying to get him to want her, or if she was going to fake seduce him and then murder him. Either way, she turns into Sarah (glamour spell, guys!) and hooks up with Skeet until real Sarah comes in and then Nancy goes Nancy and screams him out the window. SCREAMING MIND BULLETS. Skeet will of course go on to have sex with and try to murder Neve Campbell later that same year. He had a busy time in 1996.

1:11:29 - “I didn’t want him to get hurt, I liked him. I think he was a good guy underneath it all.” UM, SARAH, NO HE WASN’T. He was the actual worst.

1:12:17 - So it’s time to put some damn gift wrap ribbon on Nancy and bind her from doing damn harm. It doesn’t work. Sarah is apparently only really good at magic when it’s integral to the plot. The others have gotten really good at it though and can read thoughts and appear in dreams and stuff. So…good for them?

1:14:36 - Bonnie really is a big bitch now and she used to be nice. The lesson of this movie is that if you’re horribly injured and it is damaging to your self-esteem, LEAVE IT. You’re better off that way than happy and confident.

1:15:59 - Flowy haired magic lady will save the day!

1:18:30 - Flowy haired magic lady does not save the day.

1:19:40 - The girls fake a plane crash and make Sarah think her dad and step-mom are dead. NO! NOT STEP-MOM! SHE WAS SO IMPORTANT TO THE MOVIE!

1:20:07 - These girls have gotten really goddamn good at magic. They are magicing shit up all over the damn place. SNAKE AND BUG MAGIC. BECAUSE FORESHADOWING.

1:21:21 - The last 20 minutes of this movie is what Indiana Jones sees in his nightmares. Also, toilet maggots. I can hold it together until rats start falling from the ceiling because FUCK THAT. One time in college, a rat almost ran over my foot on the train platform and I fucking turned around and went the fuck home and did not go to class that day, no thank you.

1:23:27 - Anyway, all this is to try and get Sarah to kill herself. Attempted suicide was big in ’90s movies. Attempted suicide was big in ’90s Robin Tunney movies, actually. We all have our wheelhouse.

1:24:12 - Fairuza Balk is in caps lock this whole movie. She’s how I hear myself in my head when I type the nonsense I type around here. BECAUSE I HAVE EMOTIONS.

1:25:34 - It is not the intended takeaway of this scene, but my goodness what a lovely fireplace in this bedroom. Turquoise tile on mustard-colored walls, I need to Pin this shit at once.

1:27:04 - Sarah does a magic trick ILLUSION that makes Bonnie and Rochelle think they have facial scars and baldy heads so they run away screaming because these bitches can dish but CANNOT take.

1:29:50 - Sarah has invoked Manon and is now all baller magic witch and she makes cockroaches come out of Nancy’s clothes and her fingers and hair turn to snakes and good times are had by all. Sarah’s all “I bind you Nancy from doing harm” and Nancy’s all MURDER POWERS OF FLIGHT! and they have an air battle into the hallway and MURDER DRESSER OF MURDER! tries to kill Sarah but it just leaves her clothes, meaning she must be somewhere magic and naked until she pops back into her outfit before Nancy can stab her in the turtleneck.

1:32:40 - Her stuff is EVERYWHERE. I hope you can use magic to clean.

1:34:00 - Everything is OK! The sky is blue! Flowers are blooming! Bonnie is wearing the ugliest effing coat I’ve ever seen.

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1:36:14 - Nancy is in an institution. Where she can fly!

Thank you all for calling the corners with me! Go forth and beach some sharks in the name of your deity of choice!

Read previous ’90s liveblogs of Fear, The Crush, Titanic and Batman and Robin.



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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • BlackRabbit

    NO ONE WALK TALKING ABOUT YOU. Which actually sounds like a thing, not a mistype. And am I wrong but does Fairuza Balk have a kind of radioactive sexiness, like a hotness Chernobyl? Pornobyl?

  • NaturalFro79

    HEATHERS!!! Huh, huh please can you do HEATHERS!!

  • Tears of joy.

  • I love this cheesy movie so much, and you just made me laugh and laugh. Thank you. If you want this movie, but male and even worse then watch The Covenant I cackled my way through that.

  • Nadiney

    This was....this was the most best thing that ever was. Ever.

  • Liveblog of The Craft. It's like my birthday came twice this year. Hearts!!

    PS - beaucoup de bloglove for letting me nostalgia-trip back to my own Teen Witch phase: blowing my allowance at B. Dalton on a copy of LaVey's Satanic Witch, which taught me nothing about calling corners, but plenty about working them. In hindsight, it was pretty tame, but to young teenage me... super-forbidden naughty sexy stuff.

  • LaineyBobainey

    I opened this last night and was SO excited to read it, but I was exhausted and fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, LITERALLY my first thought, even before thinking of what dessert I was going to have later today, which is pretty much always my first thought upon waking, was, "YES! I get to read the rtr of The Craft!"

    And now my day is happy!

    *Dessert will be Magnum Chocolate Raspberry ice cream bar. Magnum kind of sort of sounds like Manon. If you slur. Or if you're eating an ice cream bar and talking with your mouth full. Shut up, whatever. I don't need to explain my dessert to you, Warren.

  • Replica

    Hot Damn, you're great.

  • Berry

    A friend of mine (who was basically very troubled and disturbed, and mostly not in a fun way) had also read that about the lights and bats and stuff (which I'm still not sure isn't just promotional rumor mongering), and was convinced Manon was real, and everything in this movie was real. She wanted to be a witch too, but like I said, not in such a fun way.

    But I would totally support you (in a spiritual sense, not financially) if you did decide to quit your day-job and just do this all the time. And a suggestion, if I may: Untamed Heart. It's not a good movie at all. And sometimes I'm not convinced anyone besides me, my sisters and some of our friends have even seen it. But it would be glorious live-blogging the 90's material. Glorious, I tell you!

  • Kala

    I haven't seen Untamed Heart in what feels like forever, so I hesitate to have my fluffy teen-girl nostalgia be marred by a liveblogging. WON'T YOU THINK OF THE BABOON HEARTS!

  • sterlingreputation

    This movie occupies a seminal place in my childhood. I spent more time trying to *whoosh* candles to life with my hands and other such like than I am prepared to admit.

  • Haystacks

    I must have made my parents rent this (on VHS -- FROM GODDAM MOVIE RENTAL STORES) so many times that my Dad was like - Christ, lets just buy the damn thing. I spent a year super into Wicca before I did some actual research and found out the originator was just some dude, not any ancient pagan mysticism. That pretty much killed it for me, and went into my "Phantom of the Opera" phase after that (which, in retrospect, was much more embarrassing than my Wiccan phase).

    I do listen to the soundtrack to this day though. It is the shit. So is the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack.

    Man, the 90s were awesome. And the fashion was so spectacularly ugly. I miss it so much.

    Do 'Foxfire' next.

  • e jerry powell

    REAL WICCANS DO IT SKYCLAD.

  • Kala

    I feel like this is the only safe place to admit that my thirteen year old friends and I totally tried to do spells in each other's yards and pointed very large, very pointy knives at one another. We could have accidentally injured one another. ALL BECAUSE OF THIS FILM.

  • Nadiney

    We did too. We where on holiday and went to the beach and definitely made the waves get bigger. Because The Craft.

  • pnnylne

    I am so mad I missed this one. This is one of the quintessential 90's movies. If Courtney does She's All That, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, or Cruel Intentions, someone needs to send up a bat signal or something.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    The amount of time I devoted to becoming a teenage goth witch was STAGGERING after I saw this movie. And now, after reading this, I'm off to find my black liquid eyeliner, a Hot Topic skirt and a few candles.

    Thank you.

    http://37.media.tumblr.com/tum...

  • AvaLehra

    I've loved Fairuza Balk ever since Gas Food and Lodging.

  • Sean

    Just so you know, football practice was boring to actually do. I can't imagine watching it. You missed nothing.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Hell, we didn't even HAVE a football team. So I played rugby after hockey season was done. The girls still didn't show up to our practices.

    Though that was probably because they were playing rugby too. We grow some tough frickin' women up north.

  • Lord Inferno

    Hells yeah! Same problem at our school. Everyone played sports, and our women's teams won more state championships than the men's. There were no pretty girls just sitting around watching us lineman shove a one ton sled with three screaming coaches standing on top around the field. They were off kicking ass and taking names.

  • SugarSmak

    "Catholic school truth: you always wanted to sit by your crush in all-school Mass which was really weird now that I think about it."

    THIS. My Catholic school crush reeked of Polo cologne and when I got to sit next to him at mass, I couldn't wait for the sign of peace. Thanks for the memory!

  • Mrs. Julien

    This is the level of joy I feel about these posts:

  • BlackRabbit

    Is that a baby badger she's holding?

  • Aaron Schulz

    13 year old me wouldve given anything to marry Fairuza Balk, Only totally batshit "The Craft" Fairuza. Which is odd.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "BECAUSE SHE'S WEAK!" is one of my favourite movie lines of all time.

  • Aaron Schulz

    Few people can shriek a line like that woman.

  • John G.

    Holy Shit, Courtney. I had no idea we were soul sisters. Everything you describe is exactly how I reacted to the Craft at the time.

  • Jamie Dello Stritto

    Oh Niagara, Niagara. That was the first time I heard Patty Griffin and it was magical. I liken it to when I first heard Lori Carson's Snow Come Down at the end of Waking the Dead (also great). I'm getting all nostalgic here.

    On topic: you forgot to mention the amazing Jewel song wherein she raps.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

  • A. Smith

    I totally forgot the Love Spit Love version of How Soon Is Now which became the Charmed theme was on The Craft soundtrack.

  • SIIIIIGGGHHH Regarding Mary is still one of my favorite songs ever. My Patty. Le sigh.

  • BootlegGinger

    this was amazing. thank you for this. i feel like we would be good friends in real life. #winowitch forever *air guitar solo of witchcraft*

  • TK

    1:15:59 - Flowy haired magic lady will save the day!

    1:18:30 - Flowy haired magic lady does not save the day.

    Genius.

  • amanda

    I've wanted to be a witch ever since I saw Fairuza Balk in "The Worst Witch" on HBO back in the 80's. Mildred Hubble! (Also, every Halloween I post a video on my FB of Tim Curry singing "Anything Can Happen On Halloween" because it's awesome). Nancy is still the worst witch but I love her. My favorite is when she tricks Skeet into thinking she's Sarah and then just goes batshit insane on him, with the toes dragging across the floor thing....so awesome and batshit insane. And Courtney, I too tried many times to make a pencil stand on its tip, and I'm not a natural witch either. It's SO disappointing.

  • BootlegGinger

    Fuck yeah! The Worst Witch!!!!!!!

  • That was fucking fantastic and completely made my day. The Craft is awesomely bad which means it is awesome.

  • jennym84

    This is amazing. People at work thing there's something wrong with me for how hard I'm trying not to laugh at my desk.

  • Billybob

    1) Thank you so much for doing this.

    2) The fact that Nancy loses is the single only absolute one thing wrong with this movie.

    3) I would like to make it clear that I have never written fanfic in which Nancy busts out of that hospital, moves to Sunnydale, and starts being the Faith to Willow Rosenberg’s Buffy. And I would also like to apologise for not writing this fanfic.

  • Emily Smith

    Could you start your third point? Because that sounds amazing.

  • Haystacks

    You sure as hell owe me a damn apology for that. That would have been an amazing plot bunny.

  • Melina

    I drunkenly talked about this particular column at a wedding last weekend and I KNEW in that moment that I spoke about it for too long but I couldn't stop talking...because words and because drinks! This was fabulous, excellent work! I'm looking forward to the next movie.

  • Nimue

    OHMYGOD THE CRAFT! Sorry, 13 year old me in stuck in Capslock also. I watched this again about 6 months ago.
    I had the same thoughts about all the money they spent after the stepdead's death.
    Why did robin Tunney's characters always try and kill themselves.....
    This is such a 90s movie and I totally thought most of those ladies were going places.
    And didn't we all want to be wicthes? I mean my sister and I had books on Wicca and tarot cards.

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Sarah: “I slit my wrists.”

    Lord tunderin Jebus, you weren't kidding about the attempted suicide thing. I hope this time she forewent the Lady Bic, what with its pink plastic handle and moisturizing strip.

  • pomeroy

    WITH DAISIES ON IT!

  • BendinIntheWind

    THOUGHTS:

    - 100% forgot stepmother Jenny even existed. I rewrote this movie in my memory to make the dad a single widower.

    - "The witch store is seriously the store I will one day open an exact replica of..." - That, or the Magic Box from "Buffy"

    - I don't know why, but when Nancy is about to kill Skeet, and she starts floating menacingly towards him and the window, there is one very quick shot of her super pointy-toed boots, and the toes are weirdly just dragging on the ground because of how she's gliding, and it SERIOUSLY FREAKED MY SHIT OUT.

  • sterlingreputation

    With the benefit of your description, I just remembered that exact bit-of-scene, and got willies-shivers and had to look around behind me to ascertain whether or not there were murderers and/or other terrifying things.
    So yes, totally agreed.

  • BlackRabbit

    I have to snicker at the name of that store, given that Willow was working there. Yes, I'm immature.

  • Avi

    ha, I can totally picture that moment...it was really creepy! Also, I'll totally help open the Magic Box store if you're down! It has to have a practice room in the back though.

  • Dumily

    YES!!! Please tell me you're doing 'Empire Records" next.

  • Emily Smith

    I wish there was a way I could just up vote this indefinitely.

  • Avi

    yesssssss, Empire Records, please!! I was so in love with Ethan Embry in that movie. ha.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Yeah, I heartily approve of more 90's movie liveblogs. After Empire Records (if it doesn't break the site) there's She's All That, then Can't Hardly Wait, then Varsity Blues, The Faculty...and I almost forgot Cruel Intentions!

  • stella

    A Cruel Intentions liveblog would make my life exponentially better. As would a I Know Wht YouDid Last Summer one.

  • Stephanie C. Bois

    YESSS!!

  • Dumily

    Point Break? You guys, it's not as good as we remember it.

  • Berry

    But there's the scene where Keanu does this spin around thing to prove he has no gun, and his ass looks so, so good in his jeans. Or at least it did to a bunch of teen-age girls in the 90's. If the ass magic is also gone, I don't even want to know.

  • Rebecca Hachmyer

    I felt the same way about Tombstone.

  • Danar the Barbarian

    OH NO YOU DI-INT! Love me some Tombstone! That's another one that needs live-blogging.

  • Salieri2

    Jeebus, Val Kilmer in Tombstone. [Fans self, reaches for mint julep.]

    Here's the thing: I will brook no smack about Tombstone, unless someone wants to throw some shade Kurt Russell's way for his bloody-handed, squinty-eyed scenery-chewing. Because Sam Elliott. Because Sam Elliott's moustache. Because even Bill Paxton musters up some feels for once. Because all of Val Kilmer from start to finish redeems every nonsensical moment of this film.

    I may be biased (am), but the Val Kilmer trifecta is clearly Real Genius, Tombstone, and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. And modern westerns go Silverado, Unforgiven, Open Range, and Tombstone.

    "I got a lotta friends."
    "Well, I don't."

  • I may be seriously considering naming a future daughter Holliday (and calling her Doc as a nickname.) Thus you spake of true Kilmer trilogy, and thus it was written.

    How can he come off so damn hot with a fancy mustache and consumption?

  • Rebecca Hachmyer

    Laudanum cocktails for everyone!

  • Billybob

    Shut your evil, evil, pie hole!

  • Dumily

    Listen. I still love it. I still get a little weepy when Johnny lets Bodhi surf his final wave instead of taking him in. I would still enjoy watching it. But only with Courtney live blogging/ H. Jon Benjamin MST3K-ing it. Seriously, watch this. It's awesomely bad.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • Billybob

    Well, that was definitely awesome.

  • Dumily

    I'm just not sure why we tried to make Keanu a thing. It had the makings of a great movie, but his acting, Lori Petty's over acting and some of the terrible dialog just makes it's awesomely bad enough for me.

  • GO. We need GO.

  • ZbornakSyndrome
  • Dumily

    If Courtney live blogs "Varsity Blues" and I am not involved, I will kill myself.

  • meadowdancer

    Varsity Blues! Yes!

  • BendinIntheWind

    HAVEN'T READ YET - FIRST NEED TO DISPLAY MY EXCITEMENT FOR THIS POST:

    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-...

  • Samantha Klein

    OMG Best GIF ever.

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