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Nightmare Casting Ryan Murphy's 2016 Election American Crime Story

By Jodi Smith and Bekka Supp | Horror | March 15, 2017 | Comments ()

By Jodi Smith and Bekka Supp | Horror | March 15, 2017 |


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Since Fox isn’t making “When Inanimate Objects Attack” specials anymore, Jodi and I need to satiate our weird brains once in awhile. And tonight, we are nightmare casting Ryan Murphy’s upcoming season of American Crime Story. Or, the White House Line of Presidential Succession in the event of global nuclear war.

Starting at the top:

These Grilled Tomatoes as President Steve Bannon
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This Sun Damaged Orange as Receiver in Chief Donald Trump
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This Albino Python as Vice President Mike Pence
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Pinocchio as Speaker of the House Paul Ryan

This Egg as President Pro Tempore of the United States Senate, Orin Hatch
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This Angry Canoe Shell as Secretary of State Rex Tillerson
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This Handy Chart as Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin
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This Russian Tank as Secretary of Defense Gen. James Mattis

This Stress Relief Doll as Attorney General Jeff Sessions
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This Poster as Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke
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This Scarecrow as Secretary of Agriculture TBD
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This Weathered and Bald Soccer Ball as Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
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This Tie as Secretary of Labor Andrew Puzder (withdrawn)
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This Middle Finger as Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Price

This Confused Chicken as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson
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This Car Wreck as Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao


This Potato Light Bulb as Secretary of Energy Rick Perry
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This Menacing Church Steeple as Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos
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This Band Aid as Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin
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These ‘Murica Shorts as Secretary of Homeland Security Gen. John Kelly
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Not in the Line of Succession but Probably Will Make An Appearance:

Nightmare Linda Hamilton as Director of the EPA Scott Pruitt

TK’s Favorite Food Abomination as Chief of Staff Reince Priebus
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Cameo by This Dino Doody as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer

Squidward as Senior Advisor to the President Stephen Miller

This Garbage as Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway
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These Pieces of Bread as Trump’s Spawn
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Tiffany Trump
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