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'Walk of Shame' Review: Oh For F*cks Sake

By Dustin Rowles | Film Reviews | May 2, 2014 | Comments ()


elizabeth-banks-615x400.jpg

Elizabeth Banks is a goddamn wonder. James Marsden is the most boyishly charming guy on the planet. Gillian Jacobs is fantastic. All three of these people are in Walk of Shame (along with a decent supporting cast that includes Ethan Suplee and Lawrence Gilliard), but when you have a script and a premise and director as weak as Walk of Shame, there’s no fucking hope. Steven Brill wrote and directed Walk of Shame, and Steven Brill is the schlub behind some of Adam Sandler’s worst films (Mr. Deeds, Little Nicky) and those were some of Brill’s best movies. The guy’s got shit for brains. He couldn’t feed a sandwich to Joey Tribbiani during a famine. And it just sucks. It sucks because Marsden and Banks and Jacobs deserve so much better than this garbage, while meanwhile Cameron Diaz is making movies that are just as shitty, and those make $25 million on opening weekend.

Nobody should go watch shitty movies, but if you have to watch a shitty movie, shouldn’t you at least watch a shitty movie with Elizabeth Banks and James Marsden instead of Cameron Diaz and the poor man’s James Marsden, Taylor Kinney? They’re both equally terrible films, but The Other Woman gets a huge marketing push with Cameron Diaz running around talking about pubic hair, while Walk of Shame gets no promotion and a day-and-date release and will probably end up making about $100,000 at the box office.

Anyway, in Walk of Shame Banks plays a reporter who drinks too much, ends up sleeping with a guy she just met played by Marsden, then gets a call to be at the news station at a certain time in order to get a promotion. Her car ends up getting towed, she ends up getting locked out of Marsden’s apartment, and she has no phone and no money, and so naturally she’s mistaken for a prostitute because she’s wearing what I believe is referred to colloquially as a hoochie mama dress. So, we spend roughly an hour and a half watching a good-girl reporter being mistaken for a prostitute as she attempts to make it across the city to the impound lot, evading police, drug dealers, and homicidal cab drivers, only to be rescued by Prince Dimpled Cheeks at the last second.

Nothing happens in Walk of Shame that we don’t see coming, and there’s nothing in the film that’s more interesting than whatever you’re looking at on your phone while you’re trying to watch it. It’s a lousy fucking movie with a great fucking cast, just like all these Adam Scott day-to-date films that no one watches. The light romantic comedy genre is clearly dead, which is a shame because there are a few of us that still appreciate them, if only someone would make a motherfucking decent one for us to watch. Walk of Shame is not decent. It’s a blow-job movie from a director who has barbed-wire braces.

On the bright side, Elizabeth Banks wears the hoochie mama dress well, Gillian Jacobs got a paycheck, and Marsden’s smile is still perfect.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Maddy

    Why is someone as awesome as Elizabeth Banks in so many shitty movies?

  • Gavin Smith

    Wow, this guy is bad.
    Walk of Shame

    2013

    Movie 43
    (segment "iBabe")

    2008

    Drillbit Taylor

    2007

    The Weekend
    (TV Movie)

    2004

    Without a Paddle

    2002

    Mr. Deeds

    2000

    Little Nicky

    1999

    Late Last Night
    (TV Movie)

    1995

    Heavy Weights

  • manting

    Worst movies ever (in comic book guys voice of course). How the fuck does he have a job?

  • Gavin Smith

    God only knows. Probably has some True Detective level blackmail material locked away somewhere.

  • John G.

    I would have loved if "oh for fuck's sake" was your entire review.

  • dizzylucy

    "Steven Brill is the schlub behind some of Adam Sandler’s worst films."
    ...adds "Steven Brill" to voodoo doll list.

  • I'm sorry I can't get past this line. Goddamn masterful, Dustin. "He couldn’t feed a sandwich to Joey Tribbiani during a famine."

  • Ever heard the Hannibal Buress bit on having a parade in New Orleans? If I just spent the night with Elizabeth Banks, I'm having a parade meet us outside the next morning!

  • doctormew19

    "It’s a blow-job movie from a director who has barbed-wire braces." This is the best one line review I have ever read on here... brav-fucking-oh.

  • manting

    I dont find that line funny. My first BJ was from a girl with braces and unbeknownst to me it was hers as well. The next day my dong looked like zombie wolverines had been at it. Turned me off BJs for years.

  • Todd Sikkema

    I never thought I would see the words zombie and wolverine used together.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Her mission accomplished.

  • manting

    What the fuck is wrong with you? Yea! A guy got his genitals mutilated at 15 years old during a consensual sexual act and he deserved it because....hes a guy! Oh wait I forgot, it also scarred him physically, mentally, and sexually. Sweet!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Look, if you use the phrase "zombie wolverines" in the telling, you should not be surprised when your tales of trauma are presumed hyperbolic.

  • manting

    Im just not all doom and gloom. Id rather try to find the funny in a traumatic experience that dwell on the shitty side of it. Also Im pretty far removed from it so Tragedy+Time=comedy. I will say I didnt think I deserved it though. I was also unaware that a BJ wasnt supposed to be like that so I was confused why people liked them so much for quite awhile.

  • Bert_McGurt

    I was about to say - there's the patented Rowles pull quote!

  • laylaness

    My cousin is in this. He's Kid on Bike.

  • pajiba

    Creepy Kid on Bike! (No offense to your cousin, but he does offer to trade the use of his bike for a peek at Elizabeth Banks' boobs).

  • BlackRabbit

    Annnnnd?

  • laylaness

    It runs in the family. *eyebrow waggle*

  • L.O.V.E.

    That's not creepy! That's good hustle.

  • You need to watch it with this insulting directors business, Rowles. As much as I love to read it, I'm worried y'all gonna get yourselves banned from Cannes again.

  • L.O.V.E.

    So what you're saying is that everybody associated with this movie will be doing -- removes sunglasses -- THE WALK OF SHAME down the red carpet?

  • L.O.V.E.

    Where is David Caruso when you need him?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That is amazing. Verily.

  • webelos8

    That made me laugh more than anything has lately. thanks!

  • L.O.V.E.

    Love the avatar pic :) But now you need one of her taking the shades off.

  • webelos8

    If only I could. . I took the picture itself 5 years ago, and I'm no good with faking photos. That would be pretty good though. :)

  • Tracey Harrington McCoy

    "On the bright side, Elizabeth Banks wears the hoochie mama dress well, Gillian Jacobs got a paycheck, and Marsden’s smile is still perfect." awesome.

  • Okay, so you could do something with that premise that might be fun to watch, if you approached it with the same sort of surreal, frenetic lens of After Hours. So maybe the woman is mistaken for a prostitute, but a pimp who knows better tells the guy propositioning her to shove off, then gives her money for the bus, only the bus takes her to the wrong place, and she meets an old dude with a barely working car who says he'll take her to the news station, but only if she makes him a peanut butter sandwich with the crusts cut off first, just like his mom used to. She does that, but it turns out he had a peanut allergy, which is why no one would make him the sandwich, and he doesn't even have a working phone, so she tosses him in the car and races toward the hospital, where she is then detained by the cops who take her in for questioning, since she just poisoned an old man who was wearing a bracelet that specifically said no peanuts. She tries to use her one phone call to let the news station know she's at the police station and really, really wants to be there for the promotion, but the person answering the phone is a temp who has no idea who our heroine is and puts her into some random voice mail. The cops let her go, but tell her she shouldn't be wandering around without money or ID, because she could be picked up for vagrancy (true). Now she's half-way across town but there's no way she can make it to the station in time. A guy on a bike slows down because he totally grooves on her shoes and says he'll happily let her ride pillion if she gives him the shoes when he drops her off. Turns out, he rides like JGL in Premium Rush (thus fulfilling the obligatory chase scene, but without anyone actually chasing, because we're trying to subvert tropes, yo), so by the time she gets to the station, she is barefoot, her hair is a wreck, she smells like old people, and they don't want to let her in because she doesn't have her employee badge. The only rescuing the one night stand does is to finally bring her purse, because the station was the only address he had for her. She thanks him but says she doesn't have time to talk about whatever happened between them, so sorry, gotta go. He leaves. She cleans up in the ladies room, snags a random pair of heels from under someone's desk, and walks into the boss' office 5 seconds before the deadline. The end scene is of the one night stand dude watching her sign off her first big newscast, then picking up the phone. We see the cameras shut off as her phone rings. She smiles. *fade to black*

  • lukebc

    Sounds like a movie that Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis should've done.

  • $99571230

    Now, see, I would watch that.

  • Danar the Barbarian

    Yeah, but you put some thought into that. See the difference?

  • That literally took me only as long as it took to type.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Yes, but what role does Gillian Jacobs play?

  • chanohack

    The provocateur best friend. At least, that's what I glean from the trailer that Hulu forces me to watch every fifteen minutes.

  • ERM 275

    I'd never heard the term 'day-and-date release' before. Thanks, google: Day-and-date release is when a film becomes available in theaters, DVD and VOD all on the same day.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    They use the same term for comics that are released digitally and in comic shops on the same day. It's a stupid term.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "the schlub behind some of Adam Sandler’s worst films"

    It's as though the history of cinema cried out in terror and was suddenly silenced.

  • e jerry powell

    Eloquent, Eloquent.

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