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The Thing Review: No Matter How Much Love You Try To Bring, Just The Same Old Thing

By TK | Posted Under Film Reviews | Comments (21)



The-Thing-2011-Movie-Image-5-600x255.jpg

Director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.’s The Thing is a weird film. Despite sharing a name, it’s not a remake of the 1982 John Carpenter classic. Nor is it a remake of the 1951 film The Thing From Another World. All three films generally share the same source material — John Campbell’s novel “Who Goes There?” But it was promised that this 2011 version would stick closer to the source material, and create a whole new story to serve as a prequel to the Carpenter film.

To a certain extent it does, but only barely. Set in Antarctica, it concerns a group of Norweigian scientists who stumble across a remarkable find trapped beneath the ice. They call in an American scientist named Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) to come and work on digging it up, only to have the creature revive itself and begin to wreak havoc throughout the snowy, isolated research station. The details of the creature are much the same, as this story has been told before — it devours/absorbs other lifeforms, and then mimics them. The trick, of course, is to find out who’s human and who’s not and prevent its escape to the outside world.

The problems with The Thing are twofold. One problem is the material itself, and the other is due to a combination of blunders from Matthijs van Heijningen and writer Eric Heisserer. As far as the material itself is concerned, The Thing Matthijs van Heijningen is certainly free to call it a prequel, but it’s a damn remake. With the exception of the discovery of the creature itself and its ship, and the introduction of scientists from elsewhere, the story is virtually identical. It swaps a male protagonist for a female one, throws in a handful of Norwegian actors, but fails to really bring much else to the story or examine any additional history of the creature or its origins. Instead, it simply follows in the footsteps of Carpenter’s film without bringing much new to the table. It’s as much a mimicry as the creature itself, except it throws a handful of minor new parts to differentiate itself, but only slightly. The Thing isn’t so much a prequel as much as it is simply the same story in a new setting.

Which might have worked if not for the writing and direction, which is decent but terribly uninspired. Unfortunately, the film also borrows very heavily from both Carpenter’s film and Ridley Scott’s Alien, to the point where it begins to blur the lines between homage and outright copying. Tight corridors, crashed ships, flamethrowers, leaders with separate, sinister agendas, and a strong female protagonist — it’s as if Alien and Carpenter’s The Thing were tossed into a blender with no new ingredients, and whatever got spat out was simply pasted onto a new reel.

To make matters worse, the film just isn’t particularly engaging, and often is outright boring. It fails to generate any real tension, and relies on jump scares and creature effects to create its atmosphere. A concept such as this one lends itself to a perfect setting for tense, paranoid human drama, something that both prior films handled successfully. The Thing never really capitalizes on that, on the paranoia and unnerving fear that no one can be trusted. It spends ten minutes or so with everyone pointing guns (or flamethrowers — seriously, why do they have so many flamethrowers?) at each other and shouting, but never gives one a sense of true tension. Instead, it promptly explodes into action/monster movie mode, with chases and hiding and guns blazing, while a large, oozing mutating creature raggedly wanders the halls seeking new prey. What the film makers have done, more than anything else, is take the ideas behind two of the best horror films of our time (Aliens and The Thing) and simply dumb them down.

For the most part the actors are interchangable, a blandly generic group of bearded dudes without anything to distinguish one from the other (oh, except that one of them doesn’t speak English). Joel Edgerton, who recently absolutely stunned me in Warrior and Animal Kingdom, is absolutely wasted here, in a generic part that anyone could have played. The dialogue is drab and predictable, the characters are mostly stock, and the only one who has anything resembling an interesting personality is Winstead’s Dr. Lloyd. Winstead aside, there isn’t so much acting on display as there is reciting, and that’s a damn shame. The film lacks the wry humor and eclecticism of its predecessor, and instead it becomes a sort of dreary, by-the-numbers project that was more tiring than entertaining.

There are moments when The Thing feels like it may be ratcheting things up for something new and exciting, but it instead digs its heels in with a dogged dedication to the derivative. It fails to take advantage of the built-in tension of the antarctic setting and the paranoia stemming from the unnerving idea of dopplegangers among us. It spends little time on its uninteresting characters, and rather focuses on grotesque effects (which are actually quite good, but relied upon too much), and surprisingly unexciting chase and action sequences. The Thing can call itself a prequel all it wants, but the truth is now out there — it’s a loosely transplanted, dully executed carbon copy that never lives up to either its aspirations or inspirations.









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Comments

So basically exactly like the Let The Right One In remake, except this one will probably be panned. My theory? People don't like being mean to American child actors.

Posted by: googergieger at October 17, 2011 12:06 PM

What sinister plot can the leaders have? Not to preserve the thing, surely? I mean even in the AMERICAN camp they know to burn it all down before risk it getting out? Why would Europeans be any crueller? That isn't it, is it? That would suuuuuuuuck.

Posted by: Nadine at October 17, 2011 12:08 PM

Oh, there it is.

Let me off this rollercoaster ride of emotion! YOU'RE DRIVING ME MAD! MAD, I SAY, MAAAAD!!!

Posted by: superasente at October 17, 2011 12:11 PM

I hope this whole project winds up as a financial disaster and everyone involved in pitching and producing it gets blacklisted by the financiers and anyone who even breathes a word of a Big Trouble in Little China remake gets taken out back and beaten with pool cues!

Posted by: MurderBot at October 17, 2011 12:51 PM

anyone who even breathes a word of a Big Trouble in Little China remake gets taken out back and beaten with pool cues!

I used up all my remake karma luck praying Mars Needs Moms would tank so they could never touch Yellow Submarine and whatever miracle it was that killed the Cowboy Bebop live action, but I'll be cheering for you.

Posted by: twig at October 17, 2011 1:11 PM

I kept waiting for a surprise plotwise (not a jump scare, I flailed at several of those), but it really was like watching the 1982 version. The movie ended kind of abruptly, with several questions unanswered, until the credits rolled and a bit of scotch tape was used to tack on pieces to connect the two modern movies. At the time I felt a little giddy, like I'd caught some candy someone had tossed me, only to realize that I'd been given a roll of Tums rather than Lifesavers.

Posted by: Bob Frapples at October 17, 2011 1:20 PM

And absolutely nobody is surprised that this Thing sucks.


I hear Justin Bieber is in the running to play Jack Burton.

Posted by: admin at October 17, 2011 1:23 PM

What I figured.

Posted by: , at October 17, 2011 2:09 PM

I was actually hoping this one would be worth a damn. Carpenter's The Thing is one of my favorite movies of all time. I just watched it again on Saturday (in glorious HD) and that movie never ever bores me. As a prequel I was hoping there would be SOMETHING that to the movie that justified it's existence. I read another review that said that Thing in this one is more of an evil monster. Carpenter's version it wasn't evil, it was trying to survive. It hated being out in the open which is why it didn't take out Nauls and Garry in slimy monster mode, it did it as Blair.

That this movie seems to have missed that fundamental aspect of the creature means it acts one way in the one movie and a completely different way in the supposed (now) sequel which makes the connection even more tenuous. It was really a missed opportunity to do something unique and build on Carpenter's masterpiece rather than another forgettable remake for the scrap heap.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 17, 2011 2:22 PM

The thing (wakka, wakka) that pissed me off the most about this one (except the ridiculous climax on the spaceship) is the fact that the creature in Carpenter's film was so damn clever. It did not reveal itself unless it absolutely had to (or unless it was pointless to hide itself). In this, it just wandered up and down halls in monster form, letting parts of itself skitter about. Did it learn in this film not to be so haphazard the next time?

Posted by: Juicy Weatherbee at October 17, 2011 2:26 PM

First, I'm going to say something nice. (Say something nice... say something nice...)

The Norwegians were prime, grade-A specimens. They were way fucking authentic. And I know my Scandinavians.

Other than that, I totally agree with the review. Waaaayyy too much Alien/s "homageitude", combined with slavish duplication of the original. LAME!

Posted by: MM at October 17, 2011 3:42 PM

Thanks for the review. I'll watch it on cable someday maybe, although why not just watch Carpenter's again, right?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 17, 2011 3:50 PM

You devoted all that to a plot synopsis and then briefly mention the special effects in the final sentence of the last paragraph? Fail.

Posted by: Some Guy at October 17, 2011 5:33 PM

The good news is, I saw the widescreen Carpenter version DVD in the $4.99 bin at my grocery store, and next payday, that sucker is MINE. MUAHAHAHAH!

Posted by: , at October 17, 2011 6:20 PM

You weren't kidding about the blatant Alien/s rip-off er, homage. I'm pretty sure I saw a section of ice that looked like an Alien queen's head.

Posted by: Rosenothorns at October 17, 2011 10:51 PM

Most excellent review, TK. Way better than this waste of celluloid (or disk space) warrants.

Posted by: stardust at October 18, 2011 7:59 AM

MM -- In total agreement on the authenticity of the Scandinavians. But then, they were all played by authentic Scandinavians. Cute ones, too, but not Hollywood cute, if you get my drift, which made them even better. I was charmed by the singing, dancing and guitar playing scene. Otherwise, the movie was meh.

Posted by: PDamian at October 18, 2011 10:40 AM

It don't mean a schwing
If it ain't got that Thing.
Shu-bop-shu-bop-shu-bop ...

Posted by: , at October 19, 2011 1:34 AM

That's your answer for everything, comma. That's your answer for.......everything.

Posted by: googergieger at October 19, 2011 2:52 PM

saw this last night. only good part was after the credits started at the end and the music from carpenter's version started playing....

Posted by: wickedwhisper at October 20, 2011 3:30 PM

Not that it matters much three weeks late to the post, but you're all bloody wrong.

This movie was mind candy for fans of the original.

It was meant as back story to Carpenter's version and delivered in spades.

The fill-in during closing credits was icing on the cake.

My god, you guys would bitch about anything, wouldn't you? Basically the complaint is this was bad because it was too faithful to the original. As Jesus was once quoted as saying, "There's no pleasing some people."

Posted by: Johnnyboy at November 6, 2011 12:54 PM