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Empire of the Son


Terminator Salvation / Daniel Carlson

Film Reviews | May 22, 2009 | Comments (107)


The Terminator film series finds itself curiously torn between fate and free will: Although the overriding message of each successive film has been “There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves,” that only seems to get each set of protagonists so far in their ongoing struggle against the machines that will one day rise up against their flesh and blood masters in a nuclear holocaust and launch a decade-spanning war for the survival of the human race. Every victory against Skynet — the artificial-intelligence system that becomes self-aware and strikes out at the humans — only seems to delay the literally inevitable battles of the near-future. Terminator 2: Judgment Day was in a real sense retconned into pointlessness by the infinitely less entertaining Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, which spent two clunky hours telling its hero, John Connor, that he would never be able to stop Judgment Day, the day of nuclear reckoning he and his mother had spent previous film trying to prevent.

The point is that with Terminator Salvation, director McG has inherited a troubled franchise that wants to offer success in the human battle against the machines but not so much that the entire future might be safe for long (which given the machines’ eventual ability to travel through time, which is how this whole mess got started, is pretty much a lock). As such, he constructs his film around the exploits and leadership of John Connor — now played by Christian Bale — using the de facto leader of the human resistance as the film’s emotional and narrative anchor. But McG and the screenwriting team of John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris fail to bring anything new to the mythology, and their John Connor winds up being the flattest imagining of the character to date. His motivation is ported over from the other films, and though McG can coast a while on some admittedly dazzling action sequences, the film lacks the spark of inventiveness that made the first two films rightful sci-fi classics of the late 20th century. McG tries to make a movie about a man, but he just creates another machine.

The film opens with a prologue in 2003: Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), on death row and minutes from his execution, concedes to donate his body to science after being persuaded by Dr. Serena Kogan (Helena Bonham Carter[!]). She isn’t clear on what she’ll do with his body, saying only that it’s a “noble cause.” It’s a necessary scene that sets up a major character and his possible fate, but Brancato and Ferris bludgeon the emotion with comic book-level dialogue, which given the duo’s work on Catwoman isn’t much of a surprise. In fact, though McG demonstrates throughout that he’s got a solid command of visuals and can carry off an action set piece, the script’s hamfisted speech and expository patchwork in certain transitions hold the film back at almost every turn. Marcus is put to death shortly thereafter, at which point the film skips ahead to 2018, explaining in brief title cards how the Skynet system of computers and fighting machines became self-aware early in the 21st century, and how mankind has now banded together to fight them, often taking orders from John Connor, prophesied by some to be the man who will one day end the war.

McG opens the main story with a fantastic battle sequence, a chest-rumbling and completely believable skirmish between human members of the resistance and all manner of Terminator machines, which range in size and strength. The cinematography from Michael Fitzgerald and Shane Hurlbut makes everything look washed out, turning the world into the brown and gray wasteland it would be in the aftermath of a near-apocalypse. Connor and his fellow commandos land via helicopter in a Skynet facility and engage in a costly and arresting fight with the machines, wiping out one of their positions before managing to flee. But after they’ve left, a naked and mud-covered Marcus emerges from the wreckage, screaming nonsensically. It’s obvious from some of the tech Connor and his team discovered that Marcus is the latest development in Terminator technology, a fully integrated human-robot hybrid that would go on to become the model brought to life by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the first two films. But McG takes this for granted, blowing an opportunity to create real suspense: Does Marcus know he’s part machine? Is he being controlled by Skynet against his will or knowledge? Will/can he eventually snap and start killing people? Marcus’ nature is the kind of inherently tense device a successful screenplay turns on, but the filmmakers are content to act as clueless as Marcus seems to be about his apparent purpose and design, and they treat him for the first act like he’s any other character.

Marcus eventually falls in with local members of the resistance, including Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), the young man who will one day be sent back in time by John Connor to save John’s mother, Sarah, and whose tryst with Sarah will result in John’s existence. (Just let it wash over you.) Again, though McG packs their time together with several exciting escapes and impressive effects sequences, this could have been so much more: This is the prototype of the murderous machine sent to kill the son of the man standing next to him, and it comes off like a buddy comedy. Brancato and Ferris eventually merge the plotlines and bring Marcus into contact with Connor and the other resistance fighters, and engineer it so that Connor’s mission becomes wrapped up in his desire to find and save Kyle, a name he only knows from the audio cassettes his mother left him.

The actors do what they can with the limited material they’re given, though that’s not saying much. Yelchin eventually grows into his role as Kyle, though he starts out doing a really weird Michael Beihn impression, and it takes a good 20 minutes of screentime for him to stop talking like Clint Eastwood. Bryce Dallas Howard has the thankless task of playing Connor’s wife, a role that could have been filled by anyone. Worthington brings an interesting dimension to Marcus, especially in the scenes that actually look at the definition of humanity, but the moments are sadly few and far between.

The film wants Connor to be its savior, a guiding light and conflicted hero, but the mix of lazy writing and amateurish direction hamstring Bale, who’s proven time and again he can convincingly play everything from a superhero or prisoner of war but is here given just enough rope to hang himself. McG assumes that three films’ worth of dodging psychotic robots is enough to make the adult Connor sufficiently fixed in his course, and though to some degree that’s true — this film is after all a canonical part of the series —it’s not enough to set him in motion this time. All Connor knows is that he has to keep Kyle safe because otherwise he’ll never be born (true) which will lead to the downfall of humanity and the victory of Skynet (never even once remotely proven or evidenced). Why Connor? What does he do, or know, or create, that could make him so vital to the cause? The screenwriters and McG never explore this, and the result is a tightly paced action movie that’s fun to watch but narratively worthless.

In fact, the filmmakers seem hell-bent on trying to work in as many visual and spoken nods to the first three films as possible instead of creating their own: Marcus teaches Kyle to secure a shotgun to his arm with a length of rope; Kyle pumps his shotgun with one hand, as Sarah Connor does/will do in Judgment Day; Kyle uses the line, “Come with me if you want to live”; Marcus punches out the windshield of a large truck he’s driving; etc., etc. Even without the presence of John Connor, the film feels like every one that’s come before because it’s a frenzied mash of all of them, and as such it never finds its own way. The film is often fun to watch, but does nothing to forward the series’ larger story, and because of that, it might as well not even exist.

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a TV critic for The Hollywood Reporter. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.


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Comments

You were far too kind to this awful flick.

Posted by: Renaldo at May 22, 2009 5:56 PM

Finally, I was wondering what you'd think of this mess. Having never seen the earlier movies, the way they just drop you into the action at the beginning meant that I had little to no idea what was going on and didn't give two shits about John Connor for 90% of this movie. Marcus and Chekov were more interesting, and I have to say they ended up sucking me in. But for the first half hour I wanted to sneak into Star Trek or whatever the hell else was playing. I assume it's better if you've got some backstory (because hell if they give you any in the movie).

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at May 22, 2009 5:57 PM

That really sucks. I was hoping this movie would be amazing, despite not being written/directed by James Cameron. Whatever, I'll still see it.

Posted by: Too Bad :( at May 22, 2009 5:59 PM

To Anne (in Reno):

You've never seen Terminator/T2?!!!!

Girl, get your hands on the DVDs and watch them! Seminal sci-fi flicks and culturally significant. But better than that--completely awesome!

Posted by: Too Bad :( at May 22, 2009 6:02 PM

Well, shit. I did wonder if Bale had taken a misstep when he took up this one. I didn't particularly want to be right.

Posted by: Goldie at May 22, 2009 6:05 PM

I for one welcome our superior artificial intelligence masters. May ALL our deaths be brutal and unmerciful.

HAIL SKYNET!


PS: The very fact that John is around to hang out with his future dad means Kyle got to plow Linda Hamilton in that seedy motel.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 22, 2009 6:10 PM

Mr Heathen is taking me to see this hot mess tomorrow. I'll report back as to my thoughts. This seems to just be Charlies Angels with robots....

Posted by: Heathen at May 22, 2009 6:12 PM

Awwwww man. Watching that moment in previews where Marcus discovers he's all metallic inside was chilling, and I hoped that was evidence of a compelling storyline around that. I thought people would realize a Terminator movie deserved more than the typical action-movie treatment, but then again, these are the fuckers who are making a Bazooka Joe movie.

OH SHIT. Bazooka Joe should pop up at the end of Salvation, blow away all the machines, and then deliver some pithy, humorous punchline from one of his comics.

Posted by: SaBrina at May 22, 2009 6:13 PM

Wow, I thought this would be good and Star Trek would blow, I was wrong. Guess even being on this site doesn't always mean you'll be right.

Posted by: George at May 22, 2009 6:18 PM

Too Bad, so I should just watch T1/T2 and skip T3 then? That is the general impression I get...

SaBrina, Marcus was the only thing that kept me interested in most of this movie. I think his storyline is the best-executed of the lot. Although it's kind of annoying that you already know it's coming.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at May 22, 2009 6:31 PM

So, what you're saying is that if I want a thoughtful and nuanced portrayal of the coming war between man and machine and the blurring of the lines of humanity inherent in such a struggle, I should just start rewatching BSG?

My sister got so annoyed at me when I leaned over to her during the Terminator: Salvation trailer and went "It's a Cylon!!!!. Made me happy, though.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at May 22, 2009 6:35 PM

Why would they use the geniuses who scripted Catwoman? Why? Was there no one else -- no one else -- among millions of Terminator fans worldwide who were interested in coming up with a worthwhile story and characters? Given the number of un- or under-employed English lit and creative writing grads out there, I honestly cannot understand how or why these particular "authors" were chosen.

Posted by: VampireSlug at May 22, 2009 6:48 PM

I'm still going to see it, but I'm so disappointed. Why anyone wold use anybody even remotely connected with Catwoman is completely beyond me. Nice review Dan, at least I know it will be fun, at times.

By the way, I'm going to find McG and kick him in the testicles so hard he'll be a McV.

Posted by: admin at May 22, 2009 7:04 PM

Never send a McG to do a Cameron's job.

Posted by: stryker1121 at May 22, 2009 7:12 PM

This review is right on, Dan. Exactly the problems I had with the film, and exactly what I thought was good about it. The canned dialogue hurts the movie in every scene where someone speaks. I almost expected to hear a laugh track.

It's gorgeous to look at, though.

Posted by: Ginger at May 22, 2009 7:18 PM

This is gonna go #1 on my list of Biggest Movie Disappointments of All Time.

I really thought it was going to be great. I really did. And now...jeebus. How could they ruin something that had so much potential? HOW COULD THEY WASTE BALE LIKE THIS.

Blegh. What a fucking shame.

Posted by: figgy at May 22, 2009 7:29 PM

Good review, Dan, but I'm disappointed in you. This movie was just fucking teeeerrible. I was really looking forward to reading the ensuing bitch-slap. Now where am I going to fill my bitch-slap quota for this week?

Posted by: the_wakeful at May 22, 2009 7:38 PM

Since they canceled T:TSCC I hope it tanks.

Posted by: John W at May 22, 2009 7:46 PM

"There dead, there all dead." Now where have I heard that before?

I really dont care that this movie sucks, I will go and see it though only to watch things get blown up. I've got the time.

Posted by: Frost at May 22, 2009 7:52 PM

Considering that John Connor has been a fetus, an annoying punk kid, and Nick Stahl in all the previous films, I kind of prefer him in this one. Not the movie, just the John.

Posted by: Coryo at May 22, 2009 8:07 PM

I will... pass.
I have great reverence for really dig the first two movies and was so disappointed by T3 that I was prepared for this failure in advance.
McG can shoot some serious action but just doesn't have the directorial chops to make us care about his characters.
*Future Spender adding to Netflix que in 3... 2...*

Posted by: Spender at May 22, 2009 8:31 PM

I saw this today, and all I can say is thank GOD my ticket was only $4 (coupon + midafternoon matinee = almost free). It was dumb. Dumb as hell. I mean, all the actiony parts were fun and awesome, but it went straight to shit once anybody opened their mouths.

If any of y'all are on the fence, I'd say either go into the theatre with earplugs or wait 'til it's on DVD and watch it on mute. It'll be WAY better.

Posted by: Sarina at May 22, 2009 9:00 PM

I guess even Christian Bale is no match for the writers who foisted Catwoman upon us.

Oh well, one more to scratch off the potential viewing list. And I so wanted this one not to blow.

Add another to the "biggest dissapointments of the Summer Blockbuster" list.

Posted by: Uncle JR at May 22, 2009 9:23 PM

*Spoiler alert!*

Goddamn C3PO could have moved faster than the damn terminator in the battle/redemption scene

Posted by: Showemedia at May 22, 2009 9:28 PM

But the scenes of a half-naked Megan Fox make it all worth while, right?

Oh, wait, nevermind. Wrong movie.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at May 22, 2009 9:31 PM

Maybe everyone should watch the first 3 right before going into the movie. They can get all the plot, story, character motivation...out of the way before the action starts. Just consider it a very extended version of the TV intro "previously on..."

Posted by: lwoodpdowd at May 22, 2009 9:52 PM

Too Bad, so I should just watch T1/T2 and skip T3 then?

Yes, do that.

I still have to see Star Trek before I venture out to see this one. Damn poverty.

Posted by: Melissa at May 22, 2009 10:02 PM

Just got back from seeing this terrible movie. Daniel's review was too kind, but I can't imagine trying to write a single paragraph about a film so stupid and boring.

Posted by: xanthippe at May 22, 2009 10:44 PM

i actually LIKED T3.

there. now you know.

Posted by: gp at May 22, 2009 10:52 PM

Good review. Pretty much addressed the problems with the film, yet acknowledged the few things done right.

Thing is, there is a clear paradox in the timeline that has yet to acknowledged: John Connor and Skynet need each other to exist.

Think about it. The only reason Connor exists is because Reese went back in time and impregnated Sarah. On the other hand, if the first Terminator had not come back in time to kill Sarah, the tech would not have inspired the events in T2, which led to the development of Skynet.

It is a fixed loop. One cannot be without the other. If Connor was really that dead set on stopping the war, he would have realized this and stopped Kyle from going back, negating his birth and therefore the threat to Skynet he posed. Without a reason to send a Terminator back in time, nobody would have the tech to inspire them to build Skynet.

Still, it was clear that the players were above the material, which was totally wasted. Even the ridiculous out-of-nowhere love story could have been mined for some actual drama, but instead it was pretty much an emotional Macguffin. And I was impressed how they resolved the possibly awkward situation arising from the appearance of the T-800s. Kudos, special effects folks.

Considering that most involved credit Bale for most of the change in perspective and story, I guess he is to thank or blame for this.

Another thing that bugged me: how the hell did cancer research (which was outright stated in the prologue) lead to the development of AI?

One last note: "I'll be back" is uttered as well.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 22, 2009 11:42 PM

OK, I just got home from the theater, and I can tell you I was laughing at the end. Laughing! At the stupidity, and the silliness, and the tagline I want to give it: Terminator: Now With Heart.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles television show was so much better than this film.

And Christian Bale - all I could think about afterward was his little tirade caught on tape. He was so serious over acting in this movie? Are you kidding me? It's an embarrassment to the series.

Now did I enjoy some of the action sequences? Sure. But overall, this was bland, trite, cliched and silly.

Posted by: Cindy at May 22, 2009 11:42 PM

Why is this anywhere near shocking for you people? It's T4 for Christ's sake! What 4th installment of ANY film series was any good? Especially when you knew some douche with the name McG was at the helm?

And oh, yeah, there were FAR more than the two credited screenwriters on this. Bale brought in at least two more himself. So any resemblence of a story was hopeless. That alone should've warned you off.

Why you suckers already doled out your cash for this is beyond me. Even though I won't see it, I know this film is less a clusterfuck than GI JOE will be.

Posted by: B-Unit at May 23, 2009 12:14 AM

By the way, for the fools that already saw this, does Bale continue to have that subtle lisp he was working through as Batman?

Posted by: B-Unit at May 23, 2009 12:16 AM

Why you suckers already doled out your cash for this is beyond me. Even though I won't see it, I know this film is less a clusterfuck than GI JOE will be.

Really? Even with the "accelerator suits"? And the green goo that eats matter?

REALLY??!?!!

Posted by: Vermillion at May 23, 2009 12:21 AM

Whoops I read that line wrong. I thought you were trying to say GI JOE would be better than this. Sorry about that.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 23, 2009 12:22 AM

Aw fuck. I so wanted this to be good. Guess we'll hit Kennywood instead.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 23, 2009 12:49 AM

I saw this today and was greatly assisted by a friend who saw it last night and said it was absolute trash. I bought a ticket to The Brother's Bloom and (forgive me) I was unipressed -- wierdly amatuer directing from a kid who seemed like he knew what he was doing previously. Anyhow, with reduced expectations I loved it until the very end when you get action fatique and there's nothing to replace the adrenaline. Several of the action scenes where breathtaking and I was on the edge of my seat all four times Connor survived a helicopter crash. Seriously. When you get older and all summer movies start to suck, it's satisfying enough to find one that does something really well, and this one did action well. I put this above I am Legend and slightly below War of the Worlds (yeah I liked it too, sorry again).

Posted by: orRoy at May 23, 2009 1:19 AM

I am not proud of the fact that when Our Heroes stopped to have a lengthy conversation (while being chased by the naked Governor) in the middle of the Terminator Assembly Line, I leaned over to my chum and started humming 'Powerhouse.'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEuwAh3LFvM

Not proud of myself.

Posted by: corvus.imbrifer at May 23, 2009 1:50 AM

Not impressed with Bale in the new Batman movies.
Not surprised his new blockbuster doesn't deliver on the meat. McG can't make Bale look good.
Not wanting to continue seeing bullshit this year.
Not paying for this poop in the theater.
Not continuing this comment.

Posted by: Kballs at May 23, 2009 2:05 AM

I'm glad you pointed out how the film was worthless as far as expanding the story. That was my biggest problem with it. The film's ending made it so that nothing was accomplished in the grand scheme of things. John Conner's alive, Kyle's alive, SKYNET's still around, blah blah blah. Nothing happened. No game changers or anything that could alter what's going to happen and lead up to John Connor sending Kyle back in time and start this whole thing.

It seems the Terminator franchise is disembarking from the idea that T2 had about No Fate but we make and following T3 in the idea that Fate is fate and there's nothing we can do about it (Judgment Day still happens despite all of the work Sarah and John put into it).

So, I'll send my concerns to Whatwasthepoint?@Warnerbros.com

Posted by: Jim at May 23, 2009 2:25 AM

So far we've had this for Summer 2009:

Good: Star Trek
Bad: Terminator Salvation
Ugly: Wolverine

And with such luminaries as Night at the Museum 2, G.I.Joe, Transformers 2 and Year One all heading down the pike, I get a bad feeling for this summer.

Here's hoping Pixar, Sam Raimi, Michael Mann and Neill Blomkamp/Peter Jackson deliver.

Posted by: Fredo at May 23, 2009 2:42 AM

I shall put all my hopes on Harry Potter and Up now. Please don't disappoint.

Posted by: figgy at May 23, 2009 3:11 AM

Y'all are being way too kind about the action. The movie had a couple moments in that respect, and it actually had a couple good ideas to add to the mythology, but it wasn't nearly enough. I realize the harvesting was part of a plot, but the terminators barely terminated anybody in this movie. Where was the menace, dread, and danger? They should have called it "Snatcher." Or "Grabber." Maybe "Tosser." (For that matter, "Wanker".)

HUGE SPOILERS

I mean, holy fuck. You lure John Connor into Skynet central as part of this grand scheme and you have what? One or two terminators coming after him? You have Kyle Reese in a fucking cage and you don't have him definitively locked down? Skynet should be much more methodical and deliberate than that. I know there wouldn't be a movie if they killed either of them, and that's fine, but never once was I concerned about them. With a post-apocalyptic race of killer machines that take no prisoners, there should have been much more carnage and fear. Maybe that's why the damn thing was rated PG-13. Crush John Connor's windpipe for god's sake, you idiotic machine! The first two films required a little suspension of disbelief in that respect, but they still knocked me on my ass and made me actually worry about the characters.

END SPOILERS

Posted by: Darth Corleone at May 23, 2009 3:42 AM

It's obvious that by now wit so many films that this concept has become dated. Even keeping track of the continuity is impossible. What it needs is to be taken over by someone like say...the guy from Alias, bring in some fresh blood let's get some young good looking Terminators who like to listen to Justin Timberlake. NO MORE foul mouthed, methodly types, make Skynet a hot young Latina.
Better yet, have John Connor go back in time and impregnate himself!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 23, 2009 8:20 AM

My biggest problem with the franchise now is the actual amount of time that has lapsed since the very first movie. 20 years ago it was easy to imagine some point in the distant future with killer robots and huge scary flying things with lasers. But that distant future is less than 10 years from now and there's nary a sign of the type of machinery depicted in the movies.

Posted by: elsie at May 23, 2009 8:30 AM

"Better yet, have John Connor go back in time and impregnate himself!"


THIS is why i love BSlim.

Posted by: gp at May 23, 2009 9:29 AM

So, Slim, I take it you are not rooting for this film anymore?

Then again, you honestly think Matrix Reloaded is underrated, so who the hell knows. Have fun, though.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 23, 2009 10:23 AM

The people making the television show should have taken over the movie.

Posted by: Cindy at May 23, 2009 10:34 AM

Darth Corleone, that was bugging me too - these guys are #1 and #2 on the Skynet Kill List and they can't find a fucking platoon of machines to come gun them down? When they keep pointedly ID'ing them over and over? And people complain about time travel.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at May 23, 2009 11:14 AM

BarbadoSlim, your negativity is starting to grate on me and I suspect other members of this community, why waste your time here? Why don’t you go and watch Kevin Smith movies on an endless loop.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 23, 2009 11:18 AM

i'm so bummed. i was really looking forward to this. the extended trailer for it that played before star trek looked fierce. ironically, when i saw the star trek trailers i roled my eyes, btu wound up loving the film itself. looks like the opposite will hold for this one. how unfortunate. christian bale is one of my faves, but i'll take a pass. i'm more excited that bucdaddy mentioned kennywood! yay-fellow pittsburgher....go pens ;)

Posted by: gem at May 23, 2009 11:25 AM

Eh, I liked it, but I never saw T3 and I didn't go in expecting them to add to the mythology. I wanted to see Christian Bale be serious and kill-y and I wanted to see young Kyle Reese (who I thought was a good bit of casting, after the first 20 minutes or so). I wanted shit blown up and machines killing people and renegade shit happening. So, cool.

The one thing I would have liked (ignoring the stupidity at the end, natch) is to see how John got to be the people's leader. Why do they give a rat's ass what he says? All those people stood down because he said to? Why? That would have been interesting. Which was too much to expect, but hey.

Posted by: TWoP Fan at May 23, 2009 11:27 AM

There's no way ICan justify how bad this thing is. The jj treatment might be justified for any future revisitings of this series.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 23, 2009 12:23 PM

"BarbadoSlim, your negativity is starting to grate on me and I suspect other members of this community...Why don’t you go and watch Kevin Smith movies on an endless loop.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 23, 2009 11:18 AM

-------------------------------------------------

Pajiba's mission statement, AND. I. QUOTE: "Scathing reviews for Bitchy People."


Why don't YOU, kiss my ass... in an endless loop.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 23, 2009 12:58 PM

Did you note who made the comment?

Posted by: Jay at May 23, 2009 1:08 PM

Did you note who made the comment?

Posted by: Jay at May 23, 2009 1:08 PM

------------------------------------------

Yes, yes I did, kissing my ass would be the only useful task it has/will ever perform around here.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 23, 2009 1:34 PM

Perhaps my words were a bit to course for you BarbadoSlim, I’ve noticed lately that your reviews have taken on a somewhat sour theme. In the past I’ve praised your work when it was warranted, just as you've praised mine. Your response to me was a little disappointing, but not entirely unexpected.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 23, 2009 1:46 PM

Just for those who don't already know, Netflix is offering online viewing for the first Terminator. Upon rewatching it, I'm stunned at A) How far VFX really have come since then, and B) even with that considered, how much better it is then McG's latest offering.

It's the spoonful of sugar to my Saturday morning chores! That and gin.

Posted by: ShinyKate at May 23, 2009 2:09 PM

I knew you guys should have reviewed Dance Flick over the weekend and saved Terminator Salvation for Tuesday (Monday?). I just knew it. They both have the same Cream of the Crop rating from Rotten Tomatoes, and Dance Flick has Amy Sedaris. I think the choice is clear.

Then again, Helena Bonham Carter has me torn over which shitfest to actually watch. Decisions, decisions.

Posted by: Robert at May 23, 2009 2:13 PM

I can't believe no one has talked about how stupid Skynet is in this film.

SPOILERS AHEAD!


Skynet recognizes Kyle several times, and yet never does anything to kill him - which would effectively erase John.

And how about when Marcus walks up to Skynet and is immediately sensed and scanned, and allowed access. Moments later, John just walks in like he owns the place, undetected. Now I know it's supposedly a trap to lure him in, but it makes no sense for Connor not to be detected at all. And if he was the target instead of Kyle, why isn't he immediately killed?
Then Arnold goes after John, but is quickly distracted and never does anything much.

END SPOILERS

Posted by: Cindy at May 23, 2009 2:35 PM

Cash in sequel/remakes /= good movies. Ever

Movies like this could easily damn our species to alien annihilation. When the Anti-proton cannons are slicing our world into easily mine-able chucks, I hope Hollywood will be happy >:-(

Posted by: Julian at May 23, 2009 2:44 PM

VampireSlug: Because they hate you, personally, and can buy them cheap.

Posted by: Julian at May 23, 2009 2:47 PM

How's Dustin doing?
Is he still crying? Send him my regards

Posted by: mario at May 23, 2009 3:08 PM

Julie: Actually, it must just be becuse they hate me. I'm sure that the fanboys would have come up with something better than this for free.

So, I'm sorry that Hollywood's personal hatred of me has resulted in a waste of sets, actors, etc. on a script penned by the proverbial monkeys with typewriters.

Also, on a more personal note, I just got done playing several months of Fallout 3 and REALLY wanted to see a great post-apocalyptic movie. Maybe "The Road"?

Posted by: VampireSlug at May 23, 2009 3:58 PM

Try "Robot Holocaust"

Posted by: Jay at May 23, 2009 4:13 PM

Guess Who!: When you affect a tone of withering NPR civility to insult someone, please note the difference between "to course" and "too coarse."

Now, the movie: godDAMMIT I wanted to like this one, and the fact that an A-lister like Bale was attached, despite the lingering stench of T3, made me hopeful. But I was naive...

- Forget why it took them this long to begin with...why the hell didn't Skynet waste Kyle the second it sized him up at cattle call? Did cute little Star trigger a "not in front of the children" program? Did Skynet not have access to James Bond DVDs showing what happens when you drag shit out?

- What the hell was up with that kid (Star), anyway? How did she become the Early Warning System? I half-suspected SHE was the prototype and would snap at any minute. It would have made a better plotline, for sure - Kyle stumbling from the wreckage of Skynet, bloody and half-dead, Star in his arms...triumphant music begins..then BAM - moppet attack.

- My fame meter might be rusty, with beloved Fametracker on permanent hiatus, but isn't Bryce Dallas Howard above this crap? One of t3's few watchable moments was the "you remind me of my mother" scene; that plus the ending (which given the apocalypse just begun is probably as close to a wedding as they came) promised a "partnership of equals" - not hero and girlfriend, but two warriors. Cut to T4, and John's "second-in-command" is a damp-eyed message-taker whose main purpose is supplying the Resistance with brave, sad, lip-quivery gazes. Sarah Connor would not tolerate that crap.

- Agree with earlier comments re big gaping hole in the timeline. John Connor either had another father the first time aroud, OR someone else sent Reese back the first time. I know it's a movie and not a physics lecture, but still...'splainy?

Guess Bale could not overcome the Charlie's Angel Queso Grande. Then again, put Lance Armstrong on a tricycle with two flats, and see what you get.

Thanks, though, to whoever decided to cover Marcus in mud and make him scream in the rain. Being reminded of John Goodman in Raising Arizona is the only reason to smile here.

Posted by: Gimlet at May 23, 2009 4:31 PM

Hopefully a couple of things will be made clear after this disaster (*IF* word-of-mouth kills it quickly):

1. McG is an IDIOT from the MTV era that KILLED the music video and should not be trusted with even a tampon commercial.

2. Only a tool goes around calling himself McG.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 23, 2009 4:37 PM

I think I read that McG got tagged "McG" as a baby or child, so that part, at least is perhaps not his fault. No excuse for a grown man going around with a douchey nickname, tho.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 23, 2009 5:05 PM

Great review. Bale's intensity fits Connor well, just curious to see how the series progresses without Arnold. T3 was a little weak, hopefully this one returns to the success of the first 2 installments.

Posted by: Home Business at May 23, 2009 5:44 PM

WTFuck? How can you call it a "great review" when you quite obviously did not read a word of it?

Posted by: Jerce at May 23, 2009 5:58 PM

It's interesting to me that the John Connor character was significantly less interesting than the Marcus Wright character, and that the actor actually delivered a better performance than Christian Bale, in my opinion.

Posted by: ChristianH at May 23, 2009 6:38 PM

I think that any subsequent foray into this story needs to lay-off the whole time travel theme: BEEN THERE done that, bought that crappy movies.
As Vermillion cleverly explained there's no getting around the fact that if Connor got the resistance rolling, what happened happened and it couldn't have happened any other way. Attempting to reset the story in the "past" which at this point serves no purpose will ALWAYS be a self defeating premise.

Let's focus on the war and humanity winning or losing. Hell even exploring alliances with some of these machines Sarah Chronicles clearly was going in the direction of the machines developing feelings and shit.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 23, 2009 6:48 PM

I don't have a problem with McG being the name he goes by. Sure, some choose Joe instead of Joseph, others choose McG. But the problem to me is that he doesn't have a last name.
That is where the douchebaggery begins. (Bono)
Don't try to defend it by saying it's what they called you growing up. Because they called you by a last name, buddy. When ya momma was mad at you did she just scream McGeeeeeeee!?
But sometimes nature just creates these things, like how a brightly colored frog means not to eat it. A name like McG mean don't watch.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 23, 2009 7:16 PM

Gimlet, thank you for the correction but we really try to avoid correcting each other’s grammar and spelling around here because we all make mistakes and usually the person doing the correcting fails to proof read their own work. Case in point you spelled “around“ , “aroud.” See what I’m saying Gimlet, if I was a douche I would try to make hay out of a simple mistake. So, Gimlet, what kind of numbers you think “Salvation” will make at the box office?

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 23, 2009 7:59 PM

Dear McG,

You're terminated, fucker.

That is all.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 23, 2009 9:13 PM

With a name like "McG" its easy to dismiss this guy as a talentless asswipe who is full of himself. But in every interview I've heard or read with this guy he has come across as a decent guy.

So I wouldn't call him an asswipe. The guy also has talent as a director. He's just not the right director for this movie.

He's more suited for slick, fluffy stuff like. He should be doing Fast and the Furious or Transformers.

Maybe he needs to stick to TV. He can't be that bad if he helped steer Chuck. And I thought his first season of The OC was pretty good. After that, not so much.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at May 23, 2009 10:51 PM

This. movie. sucked.

There's really no reason for it. No plot lines were explained in more detail than my head had already put together. (SPECIFICALLY the one where this happens in nine fucking years) This movie should only have been about 90 minutes. Also, um...WHERE was the action? Did they leave it in the theater showing Star Trek? This one had what, three or four action sequences maybe. Then at the end, as per usual, they fight in a warehouse type place. Seriously? I mean fucking seriously?

NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! FUCK YOU McG! Charlie's Angels was better and isn't saying shit.

Posted by: Heathen at May 24, 2009 12:45 AM

*giggles furiously*

The Terminator franchise was fucked from the moment "McG" signed on. Good luck developing an intricate story with that cunt fart at the helm.

Here is the script:
Cliche
Cliche
EXPLOSION!!!
Cliche
Arnold's appearance
Cliche
EXPLOSION!!!
Cliche
Tired Story Ending Cliche
The End

Posted by: Kballs at May 24, 2009 2:27 AM

To see scary killing machines faking human, sounds like I should rent Screamers again instead of seeing this movie. That really Too bad, after hearing Bale's rant, I really expected the movie to be worthy of that kind of intensity.

we really try to avoid correcting each other’s grammar and spelling around here... Wrong once again, Guess Who. First, please don't pretend to speak for all of us. Second, some of the funniest comments I have read have been in response to grammar mistakes and typos. I'm thinking in particular of a "Then vs. Than" comment that was very clever and, oh yes, also in response to one of your grammar mistakes. Hmmm, is this the reason for your comment?

Posted by: Sharopa at May 24, 2009 3:31 AM

For example feel free to make fun of my mistake above. Yup, should have been "That's really too bad". Oh well.

Posted by: Sharopa at May 24, 2009 3:36 AM

Fuck it I'm Drunk:
**Potential Spoilers (honestly this bullshit spoils itself)**
After just watching Terminator Salvation the only question I have is: “Well, what was the god damn point of that?” Seriously, the only person in the movie theater who enjoyed it was the drunk guy who was sitting directly behind me. Let me tell you, he was having a great time unlike the rest of the audience. The problem with this movie is that there really is no reason for its existence. Nothing was explained about how everything came to be with in the Terminator plot, other than there will be more robots than the other movies said. That and GNR’s “You Should Be Mine” still irritates the shit out of the Cyborgs.

The dialog is laughable. The only scenes that didn’t feel like you were actually watching cardboard come to life were that between John Connor (Christian Bale) and Mrs. John Connor (Dallas Bryce Howard). It was interesting watching the two of them think/talk things out in the, er one maybe two scenes. Everyone else just throws cliche’s at the audience with no feeling or uses the same recycled action dialog. When people are talking, its a god damn mess.

This brings me to the second problem of this movie, the action (or lack there of). There are three maybe four action sequences. That’s it. This is a two hour movie with shitty dialog people. Four action sequences that are about five minutes in length are NOT going to cut it. When there was action, it was fabulous. Nothing new of course (because it’s in the hands of McG, a director who has found something he’s good at and is sticking to what he knows. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; there is just nothing new or exciting visual wise.). There seriously was not nearly enough. Sure the motorcycles were cool, sure the planes were cool too, but sadly underused. Especially since this movie takes place in nine years!! If you’re selling me bullshit wrapped in bacon, it had better be crisp and there had better be lots of it.

The other issues are that John Connor is apparently invencible surviving in not one but TWO helecopter crashes and the new “Terminator” wants to make sweet Cyborg love with female lead. That and the Govenator has a likeness in this picture. Yep, they made a CGI Arnold Schwarzenegger folks. Here’s a quick tip, balance the state of California’s fucking budget before you extend your cinema presence ass hole.

So, if you’re venturing out to the movies this weekend, see Star Trek again. Otherwise save yourself $12 and rent T2.

Posted by: Heathen at May 24, 2009 4:13 AM

um kballs, i believe "cuntfart" is one word.

Posted by: gp at May 24, 2009 9:15 AM

The scariest moment of my childhood is watching Terminator 2 on the tiny black and white TV my parents gave me for my bedroom. It was on one of the movie channels (probably HBO), and I have been deathly afraid of swing sets dramatically swaying in the wind ever since. Oh, I have also been afraid of the world blowing the shit out of itself. The movie changed my life (maybe not for the better) and scared the bejesus out of my 8 year old self. Then I saw T3. Now, Salvation is supposed to suck. Nothing from my childhood is sacred anymore.

Posted by: Raye Raye at May 24, 2009 10:31 AM

Saw the movie last night and thought it was pretty good. Not perfect, but not the hatchet job many of you are making it out to be.

With movies like this and Star Trek its actually harder to do the sequel than the original. For one, the whole reason there is a 4th movie here is because the first two kicked ass. So T4 has to measure up to the earlier films.

Also, the original movie had much more freedom to fail. Movies fail all the time and they are forgotten. If the first Terminator failed Cameron would have just gone on to give us Titanic 2.

In this one the director had to stay true to the story set up in the earlier films (a reboot was not an option), give us something new, and keep people happy with several call-backs to the original.

-- Daniel, I really did not see John Connor as flat. The guy is raised in a jungle at an early age to train with his crazy mother, is nearly killed as a teen, goes through a holocaust... yet we see him married, having compassion, looking to his mother's tapes for guidance... He is conflicted about telling Kyle about their history. Multiple times he takes actions that differentiate him from the machines. If not looking at this film in a vacuum I think you get a complete picture of John Connor the Man.


Not a fantastic movie, but not a fail either

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at May 24, 2009 11:40 AM

A few more points:

-- Question: "And how about when Marcus walks up to Skynet and is immediately sensed and scanned, and allowed access. Moments later, John just walks in like he owns the place, undetected."

Answer: It was at least inferred that John was allowed in after Marcus hacked the system and sent the intel to John. Also, John had his own device to hack the computers. As we know from the TV show, John is quite the computer whiz.

-- Question: Why didn't they just kill Kyle right away?

Answer: 1. Kyle was bait; 2. he is a valuable prisoner and the machines could have hacked his brain, etc to get intel before killing him; 3. the idea that Kyle could actually ever escape would seem impossible to the machines.

-- Question: Why don't the terminator just punch Connor in the throat, twist his neck, or rip out his spinal chord?

Answer: The same question could be asked in all the movies. I guess if it were really that easy for them to terminate the hero there wouldn't be much of a T1, T2 ... Gotta give the humans a punchers chance.

-- Don't agree that there was not enough action. Anymore and the movie would lack any sense of a story or greater purpose.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at May 24, 2009 11:52 AM

L.O.V.E. >> C'mon! In none of the prior movies did a Terminator actually have a human being in its grasp by the throat, and in none of them did they waste effort tossing them around the room. It was a joke. They didn't let them near them because they knew it was INSTANT death. Suspension of disbelief? YES. Suspension of brain function? NO. Whatever happened to Kyle Reese's great monologue in the first film? Can't be bargained with. Can't be reasoned with. Absolutely will not stop ever - until you are dead! If the human harvest was just a trap, Skynet should have a couple hundred guns ready to slaughter them all, especially Connor and Reese. It's their headquarters, for goodness sake.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 24, 2009 12:17 PM

Whatever happened to Kyle Reese's great monologue in the first film? Can't be bargained with. Can't be reasoned with. Absolutely will not stop ever - until you are dead!
Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 24, 2009 12:17 PM

--------------------------------------------------

Holy Shit man you just blew my mind. THAT! right there should have been the movie (and the tagline as well).
You have like a Band of Brothers, Bastogne/Breaking Point type scenario where they are on the verge of getting wiped the fuck out, and suddenly the infiltrators T-800s make their first kills within the ranks. It's gets exponentially more desperate 'til the final scene in which Kyle gets sent back.

THERE, that should have been Salvation.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 24, 2009 3:51 PM

It could have been a lot worse than it was. Maybe I'm just saying that because I watched Gone in 60 Seconds the night before, but still...

They do ask for A LOT of suspension of disbelief, though. I mean, a fair amount is subtle, but it just runs throughout. Where do they get the oil? Where do they get the replacement parts for their aircraft? Why weren't certain people just immediately killed, after which credits could have rolled? The list goes on and none. Nothing just patently ridiculous like the motorcycle maneuvers in MI:2, but just pervasive.

I will say this, though, it took me back seeing the T-800 at the end. They're getting really good with that shit.

Posted by: Eep at May 24, 2009 4:39 PM

"Time Warner Inc-owned Warner Bros. said "Terminator" was likely more affected by competition for older men from the National Basketball Association playoffs, which hurt business in cities like Los Angeles."

Posted by: Jay at May 24, 2009 4:48 PM

Just saw “Salvation” I thought it was a great addition to the series, plot was good and the action sequences were pitch perfect. Unlike the majority of you I’m not going to get all anal and shit just because the movie wasn’t perfect.

Posted by: Guess Who! at May 24, 2009 4:58 PM

If we do something which is pioneering, we will get arrows in the back. But at the end of the day, whether we succeed or not, the journey will be worthwhile.

Posted by: runescape money at May 25, 2009 3:44 AM

the one trouble in T4 is no script! except Marcus Wright and a few Reese, there is nothing for others characters!
the productors has Christian Bale as John Connor and he has nothing to work! ( his rant is not about the DP! yes guy,you're in a McG movie!)but i think T4 is better than T3 and Wolverine!

Posted by: caro at May 25, 2009 6:38 PM

One day the men will come...and I will understand this. Amen

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Posted by: hotgirl at May 25, 2009 9:31 PM

I'm just still floored that they managed to make John Connor a supporting player in his own movie. C'mon--we've waited 25(ish) years to see adult, badass John Connor, and with the exception of a few lingering shots during rousing, passionate speeches, the character has no focus or growth of his own.

The whole movie is Marcus's story, from beginning to end. Worthington was compelling to watch, and it's actually a good take on the Frankenstein mythos, but it's supposed to be about John Connor, fer cripes sake, and the guy's in half the movie, at best.

Don't get me started on the cardboard "characters" that surround him. Bryce Dallas Howard? Common? Did they even HAVE characters?

Posted by: Meggrs at May 25, 2009 10:13 PM

Saw it yesterday. I agree with Darth Corleone, Barbado Slim and Meggrs. It had a disappointing amount of John Connor, considering it was supposed to be about him. The "terminator that thinks it's human" storyline was entirely unnecessary. The big fight scenes at the end were... more than disappointing.

The action parts looked cool as shit, but the story... bleh. Once again, shitty writing undoes a promising movie.

The Terminator TV series was better than this, by far.

Posted by: Slash at May 26, 2009 1:03 AM

It's lovably retarded. I look forward to the day when this is the default action flick on TBS or WGN, right next to such classics as Demolition Man and Judge Dredd.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at May 26, 2009 2:48 AM

I haven't commented here in over a year but I have to say that this film sucked hard. This review was waaay too kind.

Posted by: Candy at May 26, 2009 10:59 AM

Oh, praise jeebus you guys saw the same crapfest I did. I went with some people who thought it was "awesome" and "rad" and I was worried that maybe I'm just a jerk. But no, the movie WAS crap. And I'm also a jerk.

Posted by: Cassandra at May 26, 2009 3:55 PM

I don't get it when people say there was a lot of action. The only action that I remember being any good was the chase with the robots. That was it. Everything else was dull. I kept waiting for something exciting to happen, especially towards the end. There was nothing to put me on the edge of my seat.

Posted by: Candy at May 26, 2009 6:36 PM

Hey, what do you guys expect from stuff like this? Don't be surprised McG is taking over a "Terminator" franchise. This even is happening a world where Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers are the most popular thing in America (any bad word said about them brands you a loser and you should be alone for the rest of your life), "The Dark Knight" lost to "High School Musical 3" at the Kids Choice Awards, the underrated "Observe and Report" disappeared from theaters, and chances are "Twilight" and any Disney movie franchise may sweep the MTV Movie Awards this year. Think about those fine little facts.

Posted by: Michael at May 26, 2009 7:13 PM

Did anyone else notice how CGI-y Arnie looked here? Every other FX shot looked amazin' cept for that one.

It was so freakin obvious! Why bother spending God knows how much on that few seconds? Why didn't they just get Arnie to do that scene live with makeup?

The action was great but the story was hollow. The ending just left a bitter taste in my mouth. Really? You gonna pull that 'Battle is won but there's still the war to fight' crap?

Where is that battlefield scene we were shown in T2 and T3? Oh, that's right, the T-800s are just comin off of the assembly line.

So, they are gonna include that scene in T5 right?
But wait, I just read that Night at the Museum 2 is doin better and it doesn't look like T4 can even surpass T3's domestic earnings. I wanna see the Resistance and the machines duking it out on an open battlefield for at least 20 minutes. Give us that scene already! Salvation was basically a huge tease.

And I don't know if any of you all will read 'The T4 Post-Mortem' page but it has this very important link that everyone who has commented here needs to read.

It's a very insightful piece on T4's failure.

I've lost all respect for Bale after readin that.

He should have just said no to the original fucktard of a script and stick to his awesome cape.

Greedy mother just had do this. How am I gonna watch the third Batman now?

Posted by: haplo at May 28, 2009 12:02 AM

some people I know are raving about Terminator Salvation, and while it's true that Christian Bale is good, i still don't think it was as good as the original style and feel of Arnold in T2

Posted by: coffee plz at May 28, 2009 11:01 AM

I refuse to watch this on principle, but reading the review/comments/spoilers, another thing doesn't seem to ring true.

Reese says in the first movie:
"The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy".

So... it was already in the wind that Skynet was developing human looky-likies to infiltrate & kill human cells, and that these ersatz resistance members had been detected and destroyed, hence the upgrade to combat chassis covered in living tissue. But from what I can gather about this train wreck, the first hint of imitation-human terminators is this Marcus popping up. Which no-one finds suspicious at all.

Am I missing something here, or is this movie more shit than I suspect?

Posted by: Bawlzup at May 28, 2009 1:21 PM

Honestly, I reckon if this entire film had just been robots and explosions and Christian Bale staring really intently into Sam Worthington's eyes (the effort it took to restrain a Todd-like cry of "Kiss him!" was superhuman), I'd have loved it. But unfortunately, they had to go and ruin it with all that 'plot' and 'dialogue'...

*SPOILERS*

People have already singled out most of the stuff that was wrong with the plot (and major 'Word' to Darth Corleone; seriously, the final Skynet plan is a single T-800 with no weapons, who plans on throwing John Connor into walls until he submits?), but I think what annoyed me more than anything else was the first few scenes between Kyle and Marcus. Marcus knows only that he was put to death in 2003; he has no idea what's happened to him since. Kyle only knows that he's found this random guy who knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the last 15 YEARS OF HUMAN HISTORY. And yet, neither of them seem to find this odd, or question it to any extent, or wonder why in the multiple days they spend together Marcus never seems to need to eat or go to the bathroom. I just...does no one, at any point in any of the script treatments for big action films say to the filmmakers "Hang on. This bit is stupid. We can still have all the deadly action sequences, but let's spend a few hours making sure we're hanging them around a halfway competent plot first"?

Posted by: Shay at June 3, 2009 8:45 PM

Technically, from what I recall, Marcus only interacts with Kyle for 1 day before they get in the jeep?

Posted by: ng at June 6, 2009 10:25 AM

This was a shockingly kind review. Undeservedly.

Posted by: monkey_b at June 8, 2009 3:19 AM





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