web
counter
 

Blood: There's No Soy Substitute for That!

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Film Reviews | Comments (25)



grace_filmstill3.jpg

Horror movies do the most psychological damage when everyone’s a monster. Any idiot can cover their face with a mask and hack up preteens with the Home Depot Clearance Sale. It takes true artistry to work the blade under the skin and release the real creepy-crawlies. Writer-director Paul Solet, expanding on his original short film, pulls it off for about three-fourths of the disturbing Grace. It’s only in the final act he betrays his Fangoria roots, taking his darling creepshow and dropping it squaw on its noggin. Delicately the film treads the fine line between unsettling horror and macabre comedy, deftly blending chills with chuckles, but Solet either doesn’t have or doesn’t want the self-confidence to not cop out to a cheesy yuk twist ending. Which is not to say the ending wasn’t clever, so much as an unsatisfying trombone-“waahing” smirk at the audience.

Madeline Matheson (Jordan Ladd), a dirty vegan animal-rights loving hippie, is doing everything she can to give birth to a healthy baby. Everyone’s got advice for her from her overbearing mother-in-law Vivian (Gabrielle Rose), who frowns and shudders as her daughter-in-law consumes tempeh and soy milk, to her birthing coach/former mentor (Samantha Ferris). At eight months, the family is in a car accident, killing Madeline’s husband and presumably her unborn child, which she decides to carry to term anyway. She gives birth to what appears to be a stillborn corpse. But the baby begins to feed. It soon becomes evident that little Grace needs more than a macrobiotic diet to be healthy. She craves blood. And there’s no soy substitute for that.

Solet does a wonderful job scorning all conventions and taking them in clever directions. Clearly, he is mocking the whole vegan/animal rights angle by saddling the baby with a craving for flesh and blood. There’s plenty of sniffing and sighing over soy milk and tofu. And yet, he doesn’t entirely discount the whole naturalistic movement. When the meddlesome mother-in-law sends her arrogant family doctor to the hospital to bully his methods, it’s only through the insight and experience of the mentor midwife that the day is saved. She delivers a crushing bitchslap to the hospital docs and prep school prick that’s kind of refreshing to a guy whose future wife plans on giving birth in a big ol’ bathtub instead of under the fluorescents and epidurals of the medical Death Star. When Madeline does give birth, it’s frighteningly primal — a coven of buzzcutted, betanktopped women carrying her screaming into a giant vat of water, surrounded by candles and fertility statues. The midwife shrieks and dictates as blood gushes out and quickly fills the tub. It’s a horrifying experience, played up well because of the clever set-ups of Solet.

While Grace is supposedly the titular ghoul — an adorable baby smeared with blood and surrounded by flies — it’s really the other characters who prove to be just as unnerving. The midwife used to be Madeline’s lover and spends a few hours parked outside her house, watching from her car. Madeline has a slavish obsession to Grace, an obviously sick baby, cradling the child as it literally eats away at her. Madeline downs vitamins as she drains steaks to feed her child. Vivian goes brutally insane at the death of her son, scheming like an unhinged Goblin King to snatch that baby, make him free. She becomes obsessive herself, hungry to recapture her own motherly instincts in some extremely uncomfortable sexplay with her husband. She sends the family doctor to declare Madeline unfit so she can take possession of the child. Even the doctor is disturbing, with subtly creepy hints at a potential affinity for breastmilk. He hooks Madeline to a steampunk lactation pump, with brass works and giant tubes, practically licking his lips, not just to get a gander at her sweater puppies but also because he craves the moo juice. In an earlier scene, we see him drinking a finger of a viscous white liquid from a highball glass. Your first thought is, “That’s not scotch. What is that? Is that— Naaaah.”

In fact, the film really soars on watching the actors displaying a bevy of absolutely wretched and bile-rising behaviors. Jordan Ladd is spectacularly shudderworthy as Madeline, weepy and crooning over this twisted fiend that fell out of her. (I just flush ‘em down.) Gabrielle Rose might very well have taken the blue ribbon as Queen of Fucked Uppery. She becomes progressively more despicable and horrible in every scene. She keeps committing more and more monstrous acts, with this militant Republican housefrau nee school-marmish glee. She looks like she’ll rap you on the knuckles with a ruler, right before she bites your fucking finger off. By the end of the movie, you’re less concerned by the potentially zombie baby than by the fact she’s going to end up with one of these fucking weirdos.

Solet performs astoundingly, hinging his story on how a baby changes others rather than just the mediocre horror behind a bloodthirsty bairn. Which is why it’s so incredibly disappointing that he takes it down the cartoonish road for the finale. Truth be told, I really don’t know how he could have satisfyingly tied off this tourniquet on this trembling squirmfest. But while he was doing such an outstanding job assembling this psychologically unnerving flick, he takes it straight into bad slasher pic melodrama for the finale. The ultimate coda ends up being a groaner, not a gasper. Grace is definitely worth a watch, if only for the magnificent performances of the leading ladies. Solet has demonstrated he’s got talent, just not the guts to capitalize on it.









Strangers on a Train | Juan Carlos Fresnadillo to Direct Bioshock













Comments

Vivian goes brutally insane at the death of her son, scheming like an unhinged Goblin King to snatch that baby, make him free.

Hahahahaha. Great review, but that line made me start giggling.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at August 24, 2009 5:16 PM

Great review Prisco, but I'm still going to pass on this movie, for reasons too numerous to list. Yuck.

Posted by: Xtreme at August 24, 2009 5:21 PM

ok... I cannot sit through this... toooooooo icky... but I have to know how it ENDS!!!!!!!! someone please... spoil me ;)

Posted by: Tammers at August 24, 2009 5:53 PM

I've been looking forward to seeing this one. Who can go wrong with a zombie baby?

Its...like...totally better then the zombie baby in the new Dawn of the Dead.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 24, 2009 6:01 PM

I kept reading the director's name as "Soylent."

Posted by: BWeaves at August 24, 2009 6:15 PM

Soylent Red is dead babies!

Posted by: BWeaves at August 24, 2009 6:15 PM

Anybody remember Larry Cohen's It's Alive?

Posted by: Peter L. Winkler at August 24, 2009 6:36 PM

Thanks, Prisco. I'm just going to schedule an appointment to get my tubes tied, like, tomorrow afternoon, because you scared the everliving fuck out of me.

Posted by: Nicole at August 24, 2009 6:39 PM

so how pissed must the twilight bitches be that this movie did a vampire baby FIRST!

Posted by: Tammers at August 24, 2009 6:45 PM

Tammers, actually both this moviemaker and the Twilight bitches stole the idea of demonic babies from some teenager who posted her, ahem, novel online. She's suing Stephanie Meyer -- better get on this shit, too.

Posted by: Ariel at August 24, 2009 7:08 PM

This sounds exactly like the kind of thing I'd watch playing on some movie channel at midnight all alone in my room, and I'd be huddled under the covers half hiding my face, terrified out of my mind and telling myself that I should stop watching but DON'T BE A WUSS DAMMIT and then I couldn't go to sleep for hours and would probably have to sleep with a knife under my bed.

Awesome.

Posted by: figgy at August 24, 2009 7:43 PM

doesn`t the pic look like the hottie bimbo on the Murphy Brown show?corkie?

Posted by: pasadenamike at August 24, 2009 7:44 PM

with this militant Republican housefrau nee school-marmish glee.
---
If you're going to trade in cliches and stereotypes, then why don't you also write:

Madeline Matheson (Jordan Ladd), a dirty vegan animal-rights loving hippie Dumb-ocrat ...

I know you think you're being funny, Brian, but you know what? I get pretty fucking tired of the cheap-shotting all the time in contexts where it's unnecessary.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 25, 2009 12:33 AM

Because the only people who use the term "Dumb-ocrats" are low-life scumsucking hatemonger fucktards. Because it's the kind of word you hear uttered on Fox News by tiny-dicked, Tyrannosaurus-brained cumdumpsters who only get ratings by spouting retardedly. Because the character is a conservative judge who insists on using old money to do what she feels is best. In between slapping her husband like a S&M nanny while they're making love because she only wants him to suck her tits like a baby. Because I actually saw the fucking movie, and was expressing a point. And because I fucking hate Republicans.

Feel free to go fuck yourself. Liberally.

Posted by: Prisco at August 25, 2009 1:06 AM

Vivian goes brutally insane at the death of her son, scheming like an unhinged Goblin King to snatch that baby, make him free.

Brian, I loved your fiancee's review & so hope she doesn't hate me for this, but:
Marry me? Cause darlin, you got the power of voodoo. Who do? You do.

Posted by: onewing at August 25, 2009 2:38 AM

Really excellent review. No way in hell will I watch this film (vampire babies... nono), but excellent review.

Posted by: Squeeziee at August 25, 2009 6:02 AM

Stupid babies, laying around, living off of other peoples fluids and contributing nothing to society. Get a fucking job, baby! Be part of the solution.

Posted by: admin at August 25, 2009 7:59 AM

If you want a really weird ass vampire baby flick, try "Little Otik."

A couple can't have children. The husband digs up a tree stump in the garden that kinda sorta looks like a baby, so he brings it to his wife as a joke. She immediately starts treating it like a baby, and it comes to life. She even suckles it (ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, they show it). It grows and grows and eats everything meaty in sight, including the child welfare lady who comes to check on the baby, and the neighbors. Includes some really weird stop motion animation. Oh, it's a horror comedy with subtitles. It's in Danish or Finish or Scandinavian or something.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 25, 2009 9:39 AM

"danish or finish or scandinavian or something..."

dude. scandinavian?

pfff...

Posted by: krifar at August 25, 2009 10:44 AM

LOL Ariel I'm pretty sure some teenager on the internets didn't "invent" the idea of demonic babies :) its a theme that dates back a little bit further... to this time before there were personal computers I'm sure ;) possibly even the 70's...

Posted by: Tammers at August 25, 2009 10:55 AM

OOOO, BWeaves, I've seen "Little Otik." Supremely fucked up. Would that the impending SparkleTard (Thanks for that, Dr. C--been using it all weekend!) baby were like that one.

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 25, 2009 11:31 AM

"She delivers a crushing bitchslap to the hospital docs and prep school prick that’s kind of refreshing to a guy whose future wife plans on giving birth in a big ol’ bathtub instead of under the fluorescents and epidurals of the medical Death Star."

Ah, yes - those evil O.B.s making money hand over fist (what with the student loans combined with some of the highest malpractice insurance around) to manipulate women and harm infants. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Gotta steer clear of them.

Posted by: samantha t at August 25, 2009 1:35 PM

Touchy, are we? For the record, Brian, I don't watch Fox News and if I did I'd be pretty fucking tired of hearing "Dumb-ocrats" all the time as well. Part of why I voted Libertarian last election, I'm tired of ALL the fucking name-calling. So fuck YOU too, 1,000,000 times by a conservative estimate.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 25, 2009 2:20 PM

*--Except for calling Michael Bay "Baynis." Tool has it coming every time.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), at August 25, 2009 2:31 PM

Because the character is a conservative judge who insists on using old money to do what she feels is best.
---
Well why the fuck didn't you say so then? Is it so hard to admit there might be suck a thing as a socially conscious, generous conservative?

Heh, I made a typo but I like it that way.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), at August 25, 2009 2:40 PM


















Viral Hits

>> Pajiba Movie Posters

>> Pop Culture's 20 Greatest Dancing GIFs

>> Mindhole Blowers

>> The 100 Greatest Insults of All Time

>> The "Other" 100 Greatest Movie Quotes

>> The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time

>> The Sean Bean Death Reel

>> Chicks Dig Beards: It's Science

>> The Coolest TV Show Title Sequences

>> The Most Rewatchable Movies

>> The Most Expensive Movies of All Time