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15 Observations I Made While Watching Takers

By Dustin Rowles | Film Reviews | August 27, 2010 | Comments ()


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*SPOILERS BELOW*

1) Bad things happen to bad people.

2) Bad things happen to bad people, but if they're well intentioned, there's an upside to the consequences.

3) If you are a rapper who has assaulted his girlfriend in real life, you will die in this film.

4) If you are a rapper who has served a prison sentence in real life, you will die in this film.

5) If you wear a funny hat, you will die in this film.

6) If you were a former member of the cast any of the following critically acclaimed series -- "The Wire," or "The Practice" -- you may be shot, but you will not die in this film.

7) If you were a former member of the cast of "Friday Night Lights," you have a 100 percent chance of being shot, but only a 50 percent of being killed.

8) Not all white people look alike, but Hayden Christensen and Paul Walker do.

9) If you are Russian, you will die in this film.

10) If you are one of the principal cast members, and white, you have a 66.6 percent chance of survival.

11) There is a certain art to the shaky cam. Crucial to the success of the shaky cam is an ability to shake the camera in the direction of your actors. No one wants to see a shaky tree branch or a shaky window.

12) Chris Brown is a terrible actor, but he runs and jumps with impressive speed and agility.

13) T.I. is a terrible actor.

14) If you can forgive Idris Elba for this film, you can forgive him for anything.

15) Films that star Matt Dillon and involve the robbery of an armored truck are not fit for public consumption.



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