This Blind Item is Clearly About a Serial Killer
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This Blind Item is Clearly About a Serial Killer

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | September 30, 2013 | Comments ()

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I’ll let LaineyGossip take this one:

Inexplicably, he’s been linked to some really hot, pretty famous women, even though he’s not exactly hot and he behaves, at least artistically, like a douchebag. What’s the attraction? Certainly not his sex moves. This won’t solve the mystery either.

When it’s time to f-ck, he doesn’t like doing it at home. Which is weird because, well, he’s really weird about germs and touching. And you’d think his house would be cleaner than a hotel, right? So he and whoever he’s about to do it with are at the hotel. They’re about to do it. Only he won’t take his clothes off. Instead, he’ll always keep his underwear on, looping his dick through the boxer hole so as to minimise as much skin-on-skin contact as possible.

Maybe that’s why it never lasts?

Here’s the thing about blind items: not all of them are true. But LaineyGossip has a good track record and, all-around nasty human I am, I take each one as hard science fact truth. So, basically, there’s a not-that-hot famous guy who is weird about germs and only bones ladies through his boxer hole. Which is somehow the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard. There is something actually terrifying about that. I feel like the blind item leaves out that the boxers are made of skin.

If it’s who I think it is, which I will not be saying because of duh reasons, then he’s an inexplicably successful, untalented, unfunny doucher with a punchable stupid face who somehow manages to get beautiful queenly ladies AND he only has sex through his underhole?

Sigh. How tragic that I got married before I knew the full package was just a plane ride away.

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