Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Have Broken Up. Love Is F*cking Dead.
It began as a quiet rumble. A delicate echo so soft it might be a trick of the mind, a cruel joke of nature.
And then, a roar. Oh, how it roared. Piercing our ears, hearts, and souls.
For last night, People Magazine confirmed that Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston, the great loves once known as Hiddleswift, Swoki and Those White People, have broken up.
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have broken up after three months together, PEOPLE confirms.
“It was an amicable split,” a source tells PEOPLE.
The breakup comes after Swift and Hiddleston haven’t been photographed together in over a month. On July 27, the couple hit up the restaurant Hillstone in Santa Monica for a date night.
This split does not come without reason, my similarly devastated friends. Because, you see, someone was being too over the top. Too public. Making too big of a PR-laden splash. And that someone was obviously Tom Hiddleston.
An insider exclusively told DailyMail.com that the 26-year-old pop star feels ‘uncomfortable’ with the 35-year-old actor’s desire to be ‘so public’ about their romance. Tom has apparently asked Taylor to the Emmy Awards later this month, but she has been questioning whether he is with her for ‘the right reasons’.’Tom wants their relationship to be public, even asking Taylor to go to the Emmys with him, but Taylor wants to keep her private life private,’ the source revealed.
The singer, who has never walked the red carpet with a boyfriend before, is now having doubts about their romance.
‘Tom’s need for their relationship to be so public so quickly makes her uncomfortable,’ the insider told DailyMail.com.
‘She tried to be OK with it in the beginning but fears he is in love with the idea of her and not falling in love with her for the right reasons.’
OH MY GOD, FUCKING TOM. TOM WHY. TOM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. TOM! Taylor wants to keep her private life private, you piece of shit. OBVIOUSLY.
I have to go cry in my closet and listen to “I Know Places.” I’m going to let that cynical bitch who writes most of my posts finish this off.
HI, IT’S ME. Let’s talk. Oh. Oh, Swizzlesticks. Oh my sweet angelbabynonsensemonster. Oh my precious flaxenhoneybundle. You’ve outdone yourself.
Because this has been A THREE MONTH RELATIONSHIP. Do you want to know how long three months is? Not long. And for three. fucking. months these two saturated media news with their public displays of fuckery. Fucking wedding rumors. Fucking beaches. FUCKING SWANS.
AND HERE IS THE THING. While I was inadvertently making people think I was defending Lena Dunham (YOU GUYS, I WASN’T I SWEAR), I saw that Daniel Craig is being offered $150 million to reprise his role as James Bond, and I had a post in my mind called “Hiddleswift Obviously Over Because This Bond Push Didn’t Work.” I DID NOT ACTUALLY THINK THEY WOULD BE THIS TRANSPARENT. I mean, why now? WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO COVER? Is Kim Kardashian pregnant again and Taylor’s trying to rob that medal? Are they saving up for a getting-back-together push when Ragnarok is released? Did she cheat on him with Mark and now she’s tearing him apart?! And as for the blaming him, accusing him of trying to be too public, TOM. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? How badly did you piss the woman off? Did you try to back out too early? I DON’T EVEN KNOW.
These two are up to something tricky. I don’t trust it. You shouldn’t either.
But “I Know Places” is a totally good song though.
Our thoughts are with Ryan Reynolds at this time.
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