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Jennifer Garner Had a New Boyfriend This Whole Time

By Mike Redmond | Celebrity | October 24, 2018 |

By Mike Redmond | Celebrity | October 24, 2018 |


jennifer-garner.jpg

If you asked me to name one of my favorite celebrity photos of all time, my answer would be Jennifer Garner shoving Jack in the Box in Ben Affleck’s face while hauling his ass to rehab. Yes, it’s a man in the throes of a disease that’s destroying his life, but he was literally just there two days ago with the Playmate girlfriend he’s already kicked to the curb. Maybe I’m dead inside, but there’s something darkly hilarious in all of that. His ex-wife took time out of her day to clean up his sh*t — in full view of the paparazzi, no less — and he has the balls to ask her to hit the drive-thru. Goddammit, right? It’s like she’s raising 25 kids instead of 24. (Those numbers are accurate. Trust me.)

Except now we know how deep Jennifer Garner’s sainthood goes because Us Weekly exclusively reports that she’s been juggling Affleck’s bullsh*t and a new boyfriend this whole time. Or, okay, the past six months. Anyway, the dude’s name is John Miller, and apparently he looks like this:

According to Us Weekly, Miller is the CEO of CaliGroup, “a company that owns Miso Robotics and a chain of about 50 CaliBurger restaurants,” so if humanity’s ever wiped out by a self-aware ketchup dispenser, now we know who to blame. In the meantime, there’s no way that information doesn’t put a strain on Affleck and Garner’s relationship.

“Ben, what are you doing here? You can’t keep showing up like this.”
“Is, uh, is Jawn home?”
“He’s not.”
“Oh, okay. Sorry to bothah ya…”
(sighs) “Did you want to come in and see the burger robot?”
“Do you think it remembahs me?!”
“Just take your shoes off. Sonofabitch…”



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