Mad Shopping, Bro: Zac Efron Skateboards Around the Grocery Store Like Cool People Do
What’s it like to be cool? Fuck, man, we will never know. Because we’ve never slapped on our best knit cap with our indoor sunglasses, rolled up our jeans like a fucking baller, slapped on some linen Toms like a goddamn boss and rolled through fucking Whole Foods like the coolest kid on the planet, Zac Efron. He’s living life in ways you can’t even comprehend, broseph.
“Man, I am just rolling up on this Kashi like it ain’t no thing and I am pretty much finding my oat-rolled bliss. Man.”
“Damn, I forgot shelled pistachios. Thank God I can get to that aisle exactly 2 mph faster than everyone else here. Life is so awesome when you’re Ef-running this bitch.”
“It’s like, do I want Nutella or do I want a more organic fair trade hazelnut spread? And isn’t that, like, a metaphor? For life? Fuck I’m deep. My still waters Ef-run deep.”
“Pose. Werk. Wet your lips. I MEAN UM WHATEVER, BRAH.”
“This board gets heavy sometimes. Like my feelings. I should totes hydrate with a sparkling tange water, yo.”
“Time for Effing-ron to make a muthahfuckin’ quiche. Peace, bitches. Namaste. I hope you all find your own grocery bliss. See you in Aisle ENLIGHTENMENT, maybe.”