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John Travolta's Hair: An Investigation

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | September 9, 2013 | Comments ()


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John Travolta has a secret. And, though he tries, desperately, to keep it under wraps, everyone—from insiders to gossip fans to your mom—knows the truth, and only he and he alone exists as the perpetrator of what is now a very sad lie.

Guys…He might just be starting to lose his hair. Come on, John! It’s 2013! You can live your life as a balding man. Bald people can get married now, and they even repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Us You’re Bald (*sigh* history will really look back at that as one of the more tragic military-sponsored acts of injustice upon the balding men and women of this country).

Sadly, Johnny Travs insists upon living his life in secret. Tragically for him, his lies are as transparent as the lace on front of the no doubt hugely expensive wigs he glues to his temples each day.

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This past weekend, Travolta received the honor of having a beach closet (mmm-hmm) dedicated to him at the Deauville American Film Festival in France.

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His hair accepted the award for Least Supporting Performance by Hair Strands. Look at them. They want to jump. All of them. Some of them actually did jump, then changed their minds mid-leap and are clinging to his chin. It’s all very sad.

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Of course, this is not new, and, perhaps most shockingly, it’s the most realistic his hair’s looked in years.

He’s tried the shorn look, to the delight of the Sharpie corporation

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And things only got darker from there, with his faux hairline and his eyebrows seemingly collaborating to take down the whole world, under the leadership of L. Ron Hubbard’s legacy, no doubt, a man seen here daydreaming about a world where hairlines and foreheads could just get along.

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While the buzzed look was unfortunate, the longer raven locks fared no better.

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Only one photo seems to exist of his hair in its natural state.

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I think it’s time to start being yourself, John. Own your truth, bare your soul, be who you were born to be. And, if that’s not Hollywood’s stereotypical leading man, then screw the industry. Think of the balding teenagers out there who would be so inspired by your bravery. Let the world know “this is who I am, and I’m proud.”

He’s here. His wig lace is sheer. Get used to it.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • dizzylucy

    I once read a blind item or a rumor that he has a room just for the wiglets. That is not a place I'd like to go.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    It's the dyed eyebrows that bother me the most.

  • Aaron Schulz

    He looks like handsome jack from borderlands 2 in his longer wig, which is actually pretty awesome.

  • St

    Why people keep coming at him with that hair thing? So man does not want to be bold and wears wigs. Let him. Baldness and grey hair does age people. So I have no problem with male celebrities to wear wigs and color their hair.

    Look how hot was Jude Law when he started. And then be began balding and lost his hotness. I would have no problem if he would add some fake hair to his head. I think he would look a lot better.

  • SottoVoce

    If he's going to wear wigs, they need to be of better quality and more flattering. Otherwise, I have nothing against anyone wearing a wig. To each his or her own.

  • peachykeen5014

    Sometimes I wish all of Courtney's article titles were actually book titles.

  • oilybohunk7

    He is on a reverse-Clooney trajectory.

  • MayorChapStick76

    I think that's a lace front wig.

  • alwaysanswerb

    I think your username contains a reference to brand name lip balm

  • MayorChapStick76

    It's also a reference to the TV show Family Guy.

  • apsutter

    Yes it is and it is absolutely ridiculous

  • PaddyDog

    Bing Crosby donated his toupees to Gonzaga University in Tacoma. Maybe Travolta is building a similar collection to enhance the academic experience when he is gone.

  • SottoVoce

    And the too dark, awful colors aren't helping either. Embrace lighter hair and naked skin.

  • Wigamer

    Why the middle part? Surely there's another way to go?

  • oilybohunk7

    My hair has a STUBBORN middle part. I've tried to will it into submission and it just won't comply. If I got a wig there is NO WAY it would have a middle part.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    "This past weekend, Travolta received the honor of having a beach closet
    (mmm-hmm) dedicated to him at the Deauville American Film Festival in
    France."

    They are sneaky bastards, the French.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    It's not so much the wig as it is the style of the wig. It's just awful. When John Wayne's 1960s rug looks better than yours, you've misspent your money.
    Also, geez John, embrace being a character actor. When you're not trying to be a sex symbol, you'd be amazed how little people care about your, um, follicle preference.

  • apsutter

    Yup...this is what I don't understand. He's so plainly wigging it up and you can always tell but tons of movie stars, past and present, have had help upstairs and they weren't blatantly obvious.

  • BWeaves

    You know, it's not they idea of a toupee that bothers me. It's the execution.

    A good wig should give the impression that there is skin underneath. Even poor me has some cute "play wigs" (cough, cough) that appear to show skin through the fake hair. If I can afford a cheap wig that does that, then surely he can.

  • Wasn't he bald in 'From Paris With Love?' I thought that was a pretty decent look for him although, full disclosure, I was doing the shaved head/goatee thing at the time as well, so that might be a transference colored opinion.

  • TheAggroCraig

    He went with a shaved-head-plus-goatee look, and during that movie I never once thought "holy jeez he looks ridiculous" like I just did while reading this article.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Exactly. I mean, I will grant that his head is maybe not the most ideal for the shaved look (or at least, his head in that movie is not), but at least it's an honest look. The way he's going with it in his personal life is just embarrassing.

  • Andrew

    Christ that's it? What does the wig add, a couple of inches, if that? Is that really a huge difference? It's not like he's Patrick Stewart (who looks great by the way) and he's hiding a huge deficient.

    But I think the really important question that this investigation brushes up against then fails to mention again is: why does France have an American Film Festival?

  • Strand

    I feel genuinely awful for John Travolta. The hair is just a symptom. It's obvious he's been living a lie his whole life. His sexuality is the worst kept secret in Hollywood and he just buries it in more Scientology. After that photo of him mouth-kissing a dude, and the stories of him cruising massage parlours... it's approaching Ricky Martin levels of "Geez, just say it already."

  • I've read, I believe on LaineyGossip, that at this point, it's for Kelly's sake. That he would be considered a brave person, and she would be a joke. That's the theory at least.

  • Bodhi

    I think that may be part of it, but the bigger reason that he hasn't/won't come out is because the Travoltas are such hard-core Scientologists. Scientology is virulently anti-gay & he such a high profile member that they'd never let him go without a major bruhaha. I truly wish that he would leave & expose the the organization, but I doubt it will ever happen

  • apsutter

    I don't know if I buy this. It's always seemed like they have a mutual agreement and I've always gotten the vibe that they do really love each other but more as friends than anything. Plus Kelly is as much of a Scientologist, if not more than, John so there is no way that she's admitting defeat in her marriage.

    The worst part about the whole thing is his blatant assault of strange men because he can only bottle his sexuality up so long until he gropes a masseuse.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Mr. Julien would add that if so their relationship is a major waste of Kelly's truly beautiful body.

    Maybe they have an arrangement?

    Maybe they both belong to a crazy cult. That really does explain everything.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    If it will help, I would be willing to engage in a torrid extramarital affair with Kelly Preston. She's old enough to be my mom, so she scores sexy cougar points that should balance things out when Travolta comes out.

    Truly, I only offer for her benefit. It's not like I've had a thing for her since I was 11 and was abruptly catapulted into puberty by her scene in Jerry Maguire (you know the one). It's not like that at all. I'm being selfless here, people.

  • Jifaner

    They are probably in a real relationship; he could simply be bisexual and she accepts his extramarital encounters. I think Scientology is the reason he is so fiercely closeted.

  • mairimba

    Is Scientology opposed to plugs too?

  • There's no reason Jeremy Piven should be able to afford more realistic hair than Travolta.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Hey. Jet fuel is expensive.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Scientology will fix it. He just hasn't reached clear yet.

  • Mrs. Julien

    As in "clear wig tape"?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I love you in a very appropriate sort of way that is in no sense creepy.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    That "beard" is a crime against humanity.

  • Ian Fay

    Travolta in about 3 months:

  • kirbyjay

    'Is that a statement or just a good landing perch?

  • Helo

    Speaking of which, can we get these two back together somehow for a Face/Off 2? And make hair transplants a crucially important part of the plot?

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    You deserve more upvotes than this. You deserve all the upvotes.

  • Helo

    Thank you kindly, sir. Glad to be of service.

  • SottoVoce

    And I want to see it in a death match with Trump's follicular beast.

  • Iman Alterego

    C'mon Travolta, look at Willis as the leader in this area. He has never looked sexier.

  • BWeaves

    Or Mark Strong, or the Rock.

  • Milly

    Or Patrick Stewart or, and this is the clincher, The Stath.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Indeed, the Statham. All our other examples are guys who shave completely and thus hide the balding. The Statham's all, "Who cares, I could fuck you up with Charlie Brown's fucking hairline."

    ETA: Also, Clark Gregg. He's losing it, but he still keeps it around and works it. If I didn't have this weird diffuse thing going on, he'd totally be my hair role model. As it is, I'm torn between Bruce Willis and Statham.

  • $27019454

    STATH.

  • BWeaves

    Oh, hell, let's go full on Yul Brenner.

  • Wigamer

    Mmmm. Yes, let's:

  • Emm82

    Yum! Thankyou for this!

  • Milly

    I see your Yul Brenner and raise you a Krishna Pandit Bhanji who was awarded a knighthood for his services to male pattern baldness.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Stanley Motherfucking Tucci.

  • George Tarleton

    Man, Zach Braff is looking rough these days.

  • foolsage

    Ha! Good to know that I wasn't the only one who saw that.

  • pnnylne

    That poor man. He's trying desperately to cling to the follicles of his youth any way he can. Those lacefronts are tragic. John, if you're reading this, put in a call to Beyonce. I'm sure she'll let you borrow one of her wigs from her wig crypt.

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