I Understand Neither Art Nor Fashion
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I Understand Neither Art Nor Fashion

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | September 5, 2013 | Comments ()


But I do understand Glamour Shots and that appears to be what at least part of this is.

Let’s examine further.


The softest of focus. The largest of shoulder poofs.

A heavily pregnant Kim Kardashian was photographed by Karl Lagerfeld for a thing called CR Fashion Book, which is a thing that I don’t know what it is because, as the title states, I understand neither art nor fashion. But it appears to be pictures. Pictures with sometimes words. … *nods*

Kimmy Kimmy Kar Kar was filled to the brim with North West, and Karl Lagerfeld decided, “I must capture her essence. Bottle it. MIST LIGHTLY.” (because he exists only as the Fug Girls version of him, and I’d be tragically disappointed if he turned out at all different). So he took pictures of her that range from what apparently must be too art for me to uber bland to Wet-Seal-is-trying-to-class-themselves-up-and-this-is-the-new-image-on-their-bags. The theme for the issue in which she appears is “Hope.” Because, as you know, hope is the thing with feathers that slams full-speed into the window and thuds against the ground because the Kardashians still exist.

Let us explore. Because, ART.


OK, the one on the left is just lazy. Any asshole can do that with a $0.99 app and with a little creativity you could totally just Blingee that shit and make it way prettier and sparkly. And that thing on the right? Gaga did it. Her baby daddy did, too. Seems like things would get sweaty. Not great for the pores.


What’s on trend for the fall? Why, enormous shoulders of course! Giant shoulders! Shoulders to make Bea Arthur’s ghost weep with jealousy, and Linda Evans’s hair cry real tears of polyester sadness! Also? Hostess Snowball brooches. For elegance reasons. On the right, widow casual wear, for today’s widow on the go. Mourn free as the wind blows!


“Make your eyes deader, Kimbles. Empty. Vacant. A WINDOWLESS ROOM OF FRAMELESS PHOTOS. Also, jam. Delicious jam. AND METAPHORS PROBABLY MAYBE.”

So, in summation. I understand nothing. Nothing except shoulders. With that, I’ll be investing in lots of shoulders this season. A girl can never have too many.

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