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Gwyneth Paltrow Hosts the World's Whitest Party

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | September 13, 2013 | Comments ()

I am so awkwardly fascinated by this video. I must break it down. I must understand. For it is as though an alien landed upon this planet and threw a party made of fancy as learned from books and public television and fashion show audience pictures and said “now everyone look like you’re having fun!”

Gwyneth dancing.


Cameron Diaz is completely losing her shit she is so excited to be there.


Gwnyeth Paltrow is completely losing her shit that this kid (Apple?) in a lion mask did a somersault and so is the whole party and for that alone this child will never be able to experience failure normally.


“I’m better than the poor!”


The children are childrening to Gwyneth’s exact specifications.


Croquet and other “lawn games.”


Thin people.




Bored fedora children.


The rarest site this side of Bigfoot: Chris Martin actually attending something related to his wife.


Paul McCartney doing a jaunty kick.


And it all ends with an incredibly long tepid kiss betwixt Gwyneth and Stella McCartney. This video is what will play in my brain’s screensaver.

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