film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web / politics / netflix / advertise / cbr

An Open Letter to Gwyneth Paltrow

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | March 10, 2011 | Comments ()

I miss the frigid wonder Bedhead wrote about last year. Come back, Gwyneth. Go back to being the woman who called Jennifer Aniston "that TV girl." Go back to insulting the career choices of Reese Witherspoon. Go back to namedropping every famous person you've ever met in your dipshit newsletter. Go back to referring to Anthony Hopkins as AnTony, despite he himself saying AnTHony. Go back to being the woman who was "humiliated" by wearing a fat suit in Shallow Hal. Go back to being the woman who once actually said, "I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year."

At the end of the day, give us more cunt, less country strong.

Newt Gingrich Cites Love of Country As The Reason For Cheating On His Wife. I Call Dibs On The Porn Parody Title "Patriot Games." | The Best So-Bad-Its-Good Movie Directors

Bigots, Trolls & MRAs Are Not Welcome in the Comments

Recent News

Recent Reviews

Privacy Policy