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How to Live: A Search for Wisdom from Old People (While They Are Still on the Earth) by Henry Alford

By Mr. Controversy | Posted Under Book Reviews | Comments (6)



old couple-743330.jpg

Humans are funny. For the most part, they go about their lives doing what they damn well please, without any regard for what anyone else wants or does. However, it is when they get themselves into a situation they cannot dig themselves out of, that they turn to someone else and ask, “What do you think?” Some would say it’d indicative of the selfish nature of society, others would say it’s just the way we’re wired. Whatever the case, the search for wisdom and knowledge is one of the few features that comes factory installed with the human mind.

In the case of Henry Alford, he decided to embark on his own quest for knowledge after examining how his mother and stepfather were aging. His stepfather was mellow and didn’t like to travel, whereas his mother was the complete opposite. So he decided to ask them both about their thoughts and feelings on aging, and as such he sparked his own quest to gather the knowledge of others, all the while trying to figure out exactly what knowledge is and what it entails.

During the duration of his quest he would see his mother get divorced for a second time, have a cat put down, and end up omitting an interview with a celebrity who wanted to be paid for his time. These misfortunes and missteps are interesting enough, but it’s the actual gain from his quest that is the most interesting part of the book. True to the title, Mr. Alford interviewed many senior citizens, both well known and almost anonymous, and asked them for their takes on life and its many wrinkles.

So what exactly is the wisdom we should be seeking in our lives? According to this book, wisdom is indeed subjective. Phyllis Diller’s secret to life is that, “You have to fill the air with fun!” Doris Haddock, aka Granny D, uses her lifeforce to fight for something she feels is worth fighting for, conventionality be damned. Edward Albee espouses the belief that grief “…never ends. It’s like a third arm,” and that dying isn’t so much about who’s being left behind, but who’s doing the leaving. A wide variety of opinions is represented in this book, and parallel to the gathering of those opinions is the story of Henry’s mother and stepfather, and the separate paths they take after.

I found that as I read this book, it had an almost zen like quality to it. I could pick it up at any time, read a little, and come back to it when I pleased. Yet, as lax as the pacing sounds, it still carries a strong message with it: wisdom is a tricky thing, and it may not even exist at all. We’re all different, with our individual baggage and hangups, and it’s what we learn in those flaws and discrepancies that sets us apart from all others. So naturally, we’re going to want to be able to pass some sort of knowledge on. Is it because we’re egotistical, and want to leave some sort of legacy behind on this Earth? Or is it because we’re altruistic, like Althea Washington, and we just do things out of the goodness of our hearts. Whatever the case, knowledge is something that we have to both seek for ourselves and learn from others.

This book is enlightening, heartbreaking, and at times pretty funny. Overall, it’s a book that feels good about life, warts and all. This is a book a lot of people could use right now, because with all the troubles and scares the world has been surrounded with in the first half of this year, it’s nice to know that something so simple can make us smile.

This review is part of the Cannonball Read series. You can read more of Mr. Controversy’s (Mike R.) reviews and other miscellaneous matters over on his blog.









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Comments

Wake up everyone. The spambot's had her coffee and is ready to roll. At least she didn't write, "First!". On topic, this is a topic near to my heart. I lost my mom at a young age, and I've always wondered what I would have learned about her thoughts and dreams if I could have known her longer. It made me appreciate my Dad more for the next almost 20 years, though.

Posted by: slower lower at May 13, 2009 9:35 AM

I've always wondered what I would have learned about her thoughts and dreams if I could have known her longer.

I've found it's important to keep these wistful possibilities in perspective, or maybe I just haven't come from one of those families where everything is about warm and caring togetherness.

I've just come off a wonderful weekend visiting with my parents and my 90 year old grandmother. It was really a wonderful time, enough that I had to remind myself that when we didn't live five states away from each other and saw each other more frequently than a few times a year, we generally wanted to murder each other before week's end.

Also the reason I feel more affection for my grandmother is that she's old enough now to spend her energies just getting around instead of nitpicking on my mother until she was nearly in tears, the way she used to a few years ago.

That being said, I took every opportunity to hug them all, and it's a shock to realize I'm running out of time with Grandma - though I can't help but be so thankful she's still in good health, and that I've had them all for as long as I have.

Posted by: twig at May 13, 2009 9:51 AM

Old people used to scare me, mostly because I was taken to old folk's homes for field trips when I was 7. These were the old school places where people went to die, not the Retirement Homes and Senior Living facilities we have in the 21st century. It's a jolt to understand life's finality at such a young age.
Anyway, I think my grandma is the coolest person on earth. She lived through WWII while living in London, cared for my grandpa through 12 years of Parkinson's, never owned a driver's license, and now drinks vodka and shares old stories. If I had any advice to give older generations, it is to share as many stories and anecdotes with your family or anyone else that's interested as you possibly can. The importance of taking the time to verbally pass down your history cannot be overstated.
Anyway, can you tell that one of my favorite movies is "Big Fish"? I want to share a big bottle of scotch with Albert Finney.

Posted by: Kballs at May 13, 2009 10:05 AM

I use "anyway" too much.

Posted by: Kballs at May 13, 2009 10:07 AM

In our youth, old people make us uncomfortable; their beliefs are usually very different from our own, their viewpoints seem out of touch with current reality and they almost always have the "illness thing" going on. We tend to not spend time with them because they remind us too much of our own mortality at a time in life when we're feeling, for the most part, ten feet tall and bullet-proof.
All but one of my grandparents died before I was 20 years old but the one who lived to the ripe old age of 83 and became a wonderful friend and source of inspiration for those who knew and loved her. The hardships she and her parents endured after coming over from Ireland in 1903 became not tales of woe and misery but stories of scheivement and accomplishment as they moved from New York to Boston and eventually to North Texas where they put down roots and became part of the great fabric of this country.
I listened to her stories and asked for more, gleaning strength and wisdom from her words... stories I am proud to pass along to my daughter.
I hope more of you will take time to hear the words of previous generations and maybe pick up this book.
Great review Mr. C.

Posted by: Spender at May 13, 2009 11:10 AM

stories/histories... write them down.

also, if possible, find out yr/birthplace of everyone, as far back as they can remember.

go thru old family photos... try to find out who is who, and mark them. someday.. you or your kids will want to know.

when the source of that knowledge is gone.. it's gone.

knowledge grants perspective...which leads to wisdom.

to figure out where you're going.. you have to know where you've been. this applies to your family tree/history... more than most of you 'youngunz' can understand.

Posted by: kikz at May 15, 2009 9:37 AM