By Emily Cutler | Social Media | July 24, 2017 |
By Emily Cutler | Social Media | July 24, 2017 |
Oh, it was the Great White. Of course it was the Great White.
But also, of course, as with other instances of the Discovery Channel blatantly lying to us, no one was upset that Phelps lost to a shark. What everyone was super pissed about was the terrible CGI used to have Phelps digitally “race” the Great White.
Phelps lost to a digital shark. #SharkWeek #PhelpsVsShark pic.twitter.com/mHQeiUws75
— Joe C. (@HeyJoeC) July 24, 2017
America's collective disappointment when we realized that #PhelpsVsShark is all just science and simulations: pic.twitter.com/bTww7dAWm3
— Lindsey Barr (@simply_lindsey) July 24, 2017
Don't say Phelps is racing a shark if you're not going to put him against an actual shark #PhelpsVsShark #SharkWeek pic.twitter.com/qy1mlApUiz
— Breyanna Davis (@breyannachenal) July 24, 2017
My face when I realized they weren't going to put Michael Phelps in one lane and a shark in the other. #SharkWeek #PhelpsVsShark pic.twitter.com/ffFx32k1Nm
— Brooke Bond (@brookeashleyyb) July 24, 2017
And they were super pissed that The Discovery Channel didn’t disclose the simulated nature of the race until 57 minutes into the program.
Realizing we gotta get through an hour of science for this actual race.#PhelpsVsShark pic.twitter.com/TLtBco3zG8
— Madison Marie Jones (@Maddie_Jones515) July 24, 2017
But once that was all over, literally no one was pissed that Phelps lost to a shark because of course he did.
Live footage of Shark getting ready to wipe the floor with Michael Phelps. #PhelpsVsShark #SharkWeek pic.twitter.com/3HUVRV5Q1B
— KP (@kpheland) July 24, 2017
The Shark after beating Phelps #PhelpsVsShark pic.twitter.com/9qoeBbRsqf
— TMK (@tkronski9) July 24, 2017
And I guess maybe some of the prep work going into the fake race was worth it.
This is the greatest TV thing since the moon landing #PhelpsVsShark pic.twitter.com/Kfv1utTKk4
— Greg Wyshynski (@wyshynski) July 24, 2017
How will @sharkweek tell the Great White to keep to its own lane? @MichaelPhelps 🤔🤔🤔 #PhelpsvsShark #jaws #sharkweek #shark pic.twitter.com/MzX3Kf7A7e
— The Daily Jaws (@thedailyjaws) July 23, 2017
#PhelpsvsShark I'm not sure what this thing is called, by I'm going with "Jesus Bike". pic.twitter.com/WIv5unL09O
— Barstool Heartland (@barstoolhrtland) July 24, 2017
But most mostly, I don’t understand why we keep insisting that animals engage in competition with us when they clearly don’t understand what is going on. Maybe that Great White would have concentrated harder had he known this one was timed. Did he even know he was racing? Because that’s the first rule of races. And even when shows do actually race the animal next to the athlete, it’s pretty clear the animal is just fucking around. So why do humans keep doing this? Why do we subject ourselves to this humiliation when science can already tell us that you’re no faster than your cat?
Because we’ve dominated too easily. We’re at the top of the food chain, and if we can’t beat an animal in a foot race, we’ll just build a car to outrun them. We can’t really find anything that animals can do better. We’ve gotten too cocky. Which is why for Discovery Channel’s next man vs beast challenge, I suggest they go in a slightly different direction. Lochte vs. Pigeon: The Basic Arithmetic Challenge.