Pajiba

It's funny, this was all predicted by Amy Poehler when Lohan hosted SNL after Mean Girls. Lohan thought it was a joke.

AB, you totally missed the point of this movie. I think your feelings for Lohan biased your review. I thought that Lohan's dichotomous performance was moving, and a great reflection of the internal conflict going on in Lohan's personal life. What's wrong with you?

Thanks for the review not that I was going to see it. It just confirms what I already know.Lindsay Lohan's days are numbered and her movies are not worth seeing.It sounds absolutely dreadful.

Thus we get further confirmation that the movie's original title is "I Know Who Killed My Career."

Daphne, I think the reviewer's issue with the film is clearly more to do with the way sex and violence has been combined here... and I'm disturbed by anyone that wouldn't object to that.

Lannie, I think Daphne was being facetious. Just a guess.

Oh, and great title by the way.

I'm at complete loss as to how this young woman has managed to keep getting work. This so called *huge* "talent" and *enormous* "potential". I've never seen it, what she did in Parent Trap was something that ANY acting drone from the Nickelodeon/Disney child-borg crew could have pulled off. Mean Girls I still insist was more of a Rachel McAdams vehicle for the mere fact the SHE was truly acting and Lohan was NOT. Because therein lies the truth you see, this drug addicted jackass is playing herself in all of these productions. If you are willing to submit to such torture, check out her "acting" chops on Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Mean Girls, Herbie, and Just My Luck. (all flops btw)
It's the SAME neurotic, hopped-up yet fatigued raspy voiced character. It isn't a character it's her getting in late after partying all night to deliver her barely memorized lines by rote.

Stop giving her work already.

"mean girls" was, um, not a flop. but maybe you're just not a teenage girl or something, and thus don't understand the biting, biting satire involved in the color pink.

Oops sorry, Mean Girls was not a flop. But then again neither was it a box-office blockbuster either. I saw it, it was Tina Fey's writing at her best, I just don't see where all the Lohan's "tour de force" performance assessments are coming from. She just repeated her performance on Teenage Drama Queen.

I have to agree with Barbado here, Lohan played essentially the same character (herself) in both Teenage Drama Queen & Mean Girls....I can't really comment on her other "performances" since those are the only films of hers that I've seen (besides The Parent Trap, which doesn't count).
I won't be seeing this movie, because I am of the belief that if we ignore it long enough, it will eventually go away. Far, far away.

I wonder where the Pajiba anti-torture porn brigade is at? Is this one gonna get a free pass...

My sentiments exactly Barbado...if I hear her referred to as a "once promising" talent one more time from a movie reviewer...

She was never promising. She can't act. She has no range. Her voice sounds like she just came back from a high school football game. If she wants to continue an acting career she should play 'Screaming Naked Girl #3 on those horrible sci-fi movies like Mosquito or Antz or Loch Ness.

I get teased a lot by many of my younger friends for my scarcity at movie venues over the years. I can count on one hand the number of films I've actually schlepped off to the theatre to see in the last 10 years. Concurrent with that is the fact that my interest in the world of celebrities had a finite calculus and at some point I stopped adding on more data.

Whenever I read or hear about some of the stuff coming out for our edification that seems particularly inane, I thank my lucky stars that I have become this hermit in a cave.

This is one of those moments. It's also why I'm one of the agent's regular readers.

Barbado -

The anti-torture-porn brigade is alive and well, it just seems that no one can bring themselves to care about a Lohan vehicle. It just illustrates how irritating and non-relevant she's become.

... but just like its lead actress, it aspires to be many things that it's not.

Namely, Ann Margret.

I wish they'd let you review a movie, yanno, that I might actually WANT to see.

Ha! I actually wanted to review this film just to be able to critique it into relative oblivion. The review writing process negated the pain of watching the film itself. - AB

Lindsey Lohan is at another level when it comes to SEX appeal.Forget paris and nichole , that pig Britney.Lindsey is what men want to see,she is smokin hot.kind of like watching girls jumping on trampolines.You get it or you don`t.

I'm so sorry you had to suffer through this movie, AB. You couldn't pay me to see a Lindsay Lohan movie, much less torture pr0n + Lohan. That said, I loved reading your review!

And...what RW said above. :)

Lindsey is what men want to see

Ewwww. That's just sad.

*facepalm*

that is all.

Okay, will Hollywood PLEASE stop promoting the idea that torture of a young woman will naturally follow up with sex? Ick. Gross. Most normal-minded women don't function like that and the horny pervs had better start taking note. But then again, nobody said La Lohan was in her right mind.

Lindsey Lohan is at another level when it comes to SEX appeal.Forget paris and nichole , that pig Britney.Lindsey is what men want to see,she is smokin hot.kind of like watching girls jumping on trampolines.You get it or you don`t.

Posted by: pasadenamike at July 28, 2007 8:35 Pm

****************************************************

Dude, what drugs are you on, and where can I get some?

oy

you like tang or you don`t, and the drugs are always quality, thanks for asking

Lemme see if I got this right, if I don't like this drug addicted, possibly venerealy diseased, out of shape, mentally challenged, illiterate, alkie I'm not hetero?

I think I'd rather be a homo.

Oh, and if I were you, seeing as your standards are so low, I'd get tested for STDs, like, tomorrow.

easy slim, just saying she`s easy on the eye`s.A great actress i`m waiting for that HOME VIDEO, then we`ll see whats up, no harm intended,slim

Lannie, as Rachael mentioned, I was indeed being facetious. It was my poor attempt at sarcasm. BarbadoSlim has pretty much summed up my feelings on the movie and Lohan (although I do admit to thinking differently not that long ago), so no need for me to elaborate.

Lemme get this straight...You mean I DON'T get to see her ta-ta's?...Pass.

@pasadenamike
"Tang"? Seriously?

Also, I vote that the title of this review be revised to "People get cut, That's life" because, man, that shit is DEEP.

"I know who killed me"? Really? They didn't do a very good job because clearly you are still alive and pissing me the fuck off.

If this movie makes money, I am officially writing off the rest of the human race as mindless idiots...

No one has yet mentioned "Just my Luck" (which is what it was called here in Australia, but i think it might have been called something different in the US) - that was a seriously SERIOUSLY bad movie.

Mean Girls rocked, but to me, it is proof that with good writing, anyone can seem like a good actor.

As for torture porn... The influx of this type of movie is really starting to upset me. I'm tired of just 'wileding my consumer dollar' and not seeing them: obviously this is not an effective form of protest. Any ideas anyone??

As for torture porn... The influx of this type of movie is really starting to upset me. I'm tired of just 'wielding my consumer dollar' and not seeing them: obviously this is not an effective form of protest. Any ideas anyone??

Yeah, here's one, shut up.

Censorship is bad even when it's stuff you don't like.

Wow, so this movie is actually worse than anticipated?

I didn't think such a thing was possible. Also: Jessica Rose is in this movie - wuh?

I knew this wasn't going to be a good movie, but still thought I'd snag it as a rental. Never mind now - I had no idea half the film was gratuitous violence, sex and gore. Thanks for the heads up.

Lindsey is what men want to see,she is smokin hot.

"Smokin' hot" if men like meth face, perhaps.

Wait. I don't get it. Which character does Lohan play? You say the bad twin is played by Dakota Moss, and then later say she doesn't strip because a serious actor never takes her clothes off, which goes back to your whole setup about Lohan at the beginning of the article. So does she play the bad twin? Or is this one of those multiple-actors-playing-the-same-character movies? I'm so confused.

What the hell is this movie ABOUT??

awful review no matter how bad the movie is you still have to actually review it in a way that makes some sense

Huh? -
"the good twin (Aubrey Fleming) and the bad twin (Dakota Moss)"

Aubrey Fleming and Dakota Moss are the two characters' names, i.e. twins, both played by Lohan.

I've been wondering about the whole torture porn thing - isn't it just a step-up from teen slasher movies?

Huh? -
"the good twin (Aubrey Fleming) and the bad twin (Dakota Moss)"

Aubrey Fleming and Dakota Moss are the two characters' names, i.e. twins, both played by Lohan.

I've been wondering about the whole torture porn thing - isn't it just a step-up from teen slasher movies?

Ha! I actually wanted to review this film just to be able to critique it into relative oblivion. The review writing process negated the pain of watching the film itself. - AB

I'm not sure if you realize this, but the above statement is basically an open confession that you are an incapable movie reviewer. You watched the movie with the intention of bashing it? I realize that any drivel you throw on this site will be adored by the drones that hang around here, but you should take ian's advice and "actually review [movies] in a way that makes some sense."

canology, where the hell did you get censorship from? 'protesting' a genre you don't like by not paying to see it or any other means is not censorship. you fucking twit.

I think Lacey Chabert was the best thing in Mean Girls. Her character was so convincingly shrill and neurotic. She was very funny.

You're absolutely right Markus. And I love how those people so vehemently defending these shitty movies by crying "censorship!" any time someone expresses disgust, are telling others to "shut-up". People just don't seem to understand that freedom of expression extends to those who wish to criticise or protest, not just to the peddlers of pop-culture excrement such as 'Capitivity' or Lohan's latest effort - it's kind of a fundamental tenet of democracy. Pretty much confirms my inklings about the IQs of those who enjoy such trash.

Anti-Torture Porn Brigade reporting for duty sir! Yes sir, canology is not a threat sir! No sir, anyone who cannot distinguish between (a) "censorship," i.e., the suppression of speech by those in power and (b) level-field criticism and withholding of financial support in order to defeat unmeritorious art or ideas is a nit-wit, [*deep breath*] sir!

To recap: Scathing and bitchy attacks on torture porn with the intention of eliminating it are not censorship. Such criticism epitomizes "the marketplace of ideas" the First Amendment was designed to support. If torture porn is worthy as speech or art, it will best its critics, who lack the authority to "censor" it. (**Spoiler** It won't.)

Yeah, I have to reluctantly agree... AB, I usually enjoy your writing, but this was... well, I'll settle for "muddled". I read and re-read, but did I miss the point where you tell us how torture even came to be a part of it? All I know is she has a fractured personality, does drugs, strips, and gets tortured. Who does the torturing? Why? While I have zero intention of ever seeing this, a little background into the plot would have been helpful.

I'm not going to demand a re-write or anything... Sorry, I can't let that particular piece of commenter idiocy go yet.

I've seen Parent Trap, My Size, Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Herbie: The Remake, Just My Luck, and Prairie Home Companion.

(Most of those work with the excuse, "I have a tween." Which also explains the number of Hillary Duff movies I've seen.)

She has a history of taking mediocre to shitty roles. Most of them were pretty terrible -- Teenage Drama Queen made me embarrassed for the writers, the actors, and anyone who paid more than a buck to see it. And she's turned herself into a national joke with her very public appalling behavior.

Why would anyone be surprised at this, the next logical step, in her career ladder?

I am not a Lindsay Lohan hater, but I'm also not a fan. One could say I'm indifferent to her. I don't follow the gossip blogs, and I don't care who is screwing who is Hollywood.

That being said, I went to see this movie. Not because of some fascination due to Lohan's recent arrest, but because I will literally watch anything that comes out in theatres. I'm a movie collector, if you will. So allow me to review it from the pov of one who couldn't care less about the hype/drama surrounding Lohan.

I'm not going to give a plot summary, go to IMDB if you want one. I'm going to give you an honest opinion from an unbiased viewer.

This is not a good movie. In fact, this is a D-list movie with mostly B-list actors and an F-list director. This movie is the type of movie you watch on Life Time at 1:00 am, staring the perpetually bad Tori Spelling. (Replace Spelling with Lohan, and you have "I Know Who Killed Me.")

Is this movie the most atrocious piece of garbage to enter theatres in years? No. This movie is just not as good as it thinks it is. Nor is it as deep, as controversial, or as provocative as the filmmakers seemed to believe it was when making this film.

It at once attempts to be Lynch, Lyne, and De Palma (we're talking when De Palma was good, as in the 80's), but it fails miserably, and painfully.

The underlying idea for the film is actually not a bad one. And if left in the hands of a capable director, decent screenwriter, and better actors, it could have turned into quite a different film.

Unfortunately, the film seems to have been written by a tween girl who has read too much R.L. Stine. It also appears to have been directed by a failing film school student, and acted out by his stoned roommates and their girlfriends.

I agree with the previous posters who said they never saw Lohan as a "promising" actress. I agree. I've seen most of her films, and I can't say whether or not she's a good actress, because the truth is, I just don't know. She's like a musician playing different songs in the same chord; there's no variation and no risks. This was not a risky role for Lohan, this is the same character from Mean Girls, if that character was in college and working at a strip club.

The real wasted talent here, I feel, is Julia Ormond, who at one point was actually a respected rising actress with great potential. But now she just seems set on acting for anyone with a checkbook. She's wasted space in this film, as is every other actor appearing in it.

Skip this movie not because you don't like Lindsay, not because the movie may constitute as "torture porn", but because the movie just is not that good.

I actually don't get the Mean Girls love. I laughed at only one joke, and that was Tina Fey's hilarious delivery of the line, "Your parents have been eaten by cannibals!" I do love Tina Fey.

Ok, I'll bite. What, beyond expressing your dislike and not spending your money to see the movie, can you do?

I brought up censorship because that is the likely end of the road for a quest to find a way to stop these movies from being made. And why the fuck do you feel it is neccesary to try and prevent movies like this from being made in the first place? There are lots of movies I don't care for and I never found myself trying to think of ways to put the filmmakers out of business.

When did Captivity come out? Two weeks ago? What fucking effect did you think not seeing it was going to have on a similar movie being released a few weeks later, Markus?

I'm not even defending these movies, I don't like, nor have I seen, this one, or Captivity, so your little dig at my IQ is off-base there L2. And I wasn't crying censorship at his dislike of the movie, I was crying censorship in reply to his suggestion that something beyond just complaining be the next step.

I know that free speech includes complaining about movies you don't like, I don't like movies like this myself. But when you start suggesting that certain types of film not be allowed you are starting down the path to censorship.

Now you can all go back to your sycophantic backpatting and congratulating yourselves on being advocates of free speech and the free exchange of ideas. I'll go back to being a low IQ, nit-witted, fucking twit.

Hey, socalledonlycousins, I am aware that we can't censor the film ourselves. You didn't pay attention to what I said in your haste to come up with your clever little vignette.

I was replying specifically to the idea that something beyond the withholding of money and criticism in the open "marketplace of ideas".

By the way, these kinds of movies have been around for decades, I doubt they are going to disappear any time soon.

Lindsay Lohan looks like an alchoholic mess. She's bony and lumpy, those tits everyone likes so much are sorta saggy, her skin shows pretty bad sun damage, and she's starting to look really, really haggard.

In other words, if you think this girl is sexy, you must go home with a lot of bar wenches. No 21-year-old should look that used up.

I can only assume that the plot of this movie was such confounding dung that it left the reviewer incapable of providing a synopsis I could follow.

No interest in seeing the movie or any "torture porn", but I do enjoy me those free clips of LL play-stripping.

At any rate, put me in the camp of people who find Lohan attractive. "That meth-faced skank?" you protest. Well, as my friend Gordon Ramsey would say, Fuck off! The penis likes what the penis likes. I can't explain why I like mustard pretzels even though I hate mustard, but I do.

And sorry to put a damper on some of the sensitive cred built up by the male contingent of anti-torture porn, but those same men have at one time or another got all tingly by -- gasp -- objectifying a woman whose only true talent is being objectified. The man who thinks Janene Garafolo is the embodiment of sexy is likely to at least publicly acknowledge the sexiness of a Veronica Mars in a cheerleader outfit or Sidney Bristow dressed in a schoolgirl outfit. (I can hear Hollywood now: "Hayden, please take the pompom and run with it.") He can justify it because the sexiness is considered the number 2 quality, behind the smarts. He won't openly admit this to you fine, literate ladies, but his thingy does get all warm and fuzzy looking at a fine set of _______.

Which brings me to the point of my post. I know, I know. What the fuck is this guy getting at?

This movie is probably smellier than Bigfoot's Dick, but the reviewer went into the theater having already decided that Lohan is a middling talent at best and that, hope of all hopes, the movie did suck. Officer, can we at least wait until we witness the crime before we pop a cap in her ass?

I don't know about the rest of the "Pajiba anti-torture porn brigade," but I just can't get that worked up about Lindsay Lohan's venture into the genre...especially since I didn't even know she was doing a horror flick until I saw this review.

Oh look, it's Lindsay Lohan. There she goes again. Yawn...

Besides, I think everybody here blew off so much steam at first Eli Roth, and then the assholes who gave us "Captivity," that the Official Pajiba Indignant Outrage Generator (TM) needs a serious overhaul.

And, comparing this latest exercise in torture porn to the last one Pajiba reviewed, I'll give Elisha Cuthbert this much: At least she keeps her damn clothes on, both in her movies and when she's just walking around town. Unlike Lindsay.

And sorry to put a damper on some of the sensitive cred built up by the male contingent of anti-torture porn, but those same men have at one time or another got all tingly by -- gasp -- objectifying a woman whose only true talent is being objectified.

Well, JP, I guess that depends on how you define "objectification," doesn't it? I agree: watching Lindsay Lohan play a being a stripper would probably get me all nice and "tingly," as you put it.

Watching her being tortured and dismembered, on the other hand, even simulatedly, most emphatically would not. And watching quick-cut alternating views of her being first made love to and then raped and butchered (as apparently happens to her character[s] in the film) would probably have me either leaving the theater in disgust, looking for the nearest bathroom so I could heave my guts...or reaching frantically for the "STOP" and "EJECT" buttons on the DVD remote. That's not "building sensitive cred," that's just being a rational human being.

You know, I don't actually have a problem with elements of sadism, depravity and/or misogony in films, provided they are essential to the plot. Silence of the Lambs, for example, had all three of those elements in spades, yet it was a great movie. Hell, even the slasher flicks I grew up with - and watched avidly, when I was a teenager - at least had a rudimentary plot, built around about ninety percent bad jokes and suspense, a bit of gratituitous nudity and a few moments of quick, brutal, bloody death, at the end of which the one girl who didn't put out confronted the slasher and kicked his ass, leaving enough ambiguity as to the killer's fate to make a sequel or three.

The problem is that so many "horror" movies or "thrillers" these days don't actually have that much of a plot. Somewhere between the Halloweens and Friday the 13ths and Elm Street nightmares of my youth and the Saws and Hostels of today, Hollywood apparently decided that the sadism and depravity and misogony ought to be on screen purely for its own sake.

Or, worse, they've put those elements there just to satisfy - and make a buck from - the dark and sick impulses of that segment of society whose idea of "objectification" of women revolves around women being beaten to a pulp...or worse.

I really hope that's not what you're talking about when you speak of getting "tingly," JP.

Damn. I am gone for two days, this is what I come back to?

you are an incapable movie reviewer. You watched the movie with the intention of bashing it?

Um, duh? I mean, that was her choice, and frankly a fairly common one, considering some of these comments. Did anyone here honestly believe this movie would be good? Anyone? Even a shred of hope? When did we suddenly expect that there is this supposed "objectivity" from these folks? It isn't like they hide their points of view on certain films. I hate it when people use this, but the site does say "Scathing Reviews by Bitchy People." That should give you a clue as to their mindset when approaching a film. If they don't promise objectivity, why would you complain about the lack of it? It seems to me that pessimism is the way to go. Why? Because you can only go up from there.

canology, I have to agree with you, even though you have insulted a friend of mine (socalled, not markus). Unfortunately, there will always be a segment of the population that will see these films, whether Lohan enthusiasts (????), people who are into this sort of thing, or just folks who watch anything with a trailer they have seen more than 10 times. These films aren't going anywhere, and neither are bad films in general. And unfortunately, there is nothing short of advocating active censorship. Protest and such are pretty much public bitching, which we already do here, and usually, they backfire and get MORE people to see the film.

But here is the problem with your otherwise very well put argument: the object of your quite passionate defense. When you have pointless crap like this, it is pretty difficult to defend that crap's right to exist. Not saying you are wrong in doing so, just that I hope you did not expect a ton of folks to follow you. And you really didn't help matters by calling folks sycophantic backpatting. They may indeed be doing that, but there is no reason to resort to name calling just because they did.

The man who thinks Janene Garafolo is the embodiment of sexy is likely to at least publicly acknowledge the sexiness of a Veronica Mars in a cheerleader outfit or Sidney Bristow dressed in a schoolgirl outfit. (I can hear Hollywood now: "Hayden, please take the pompom and run with it.") He can justify it because the sexiness is considered the number 2 quality, behind the smarts.

JP, arousal is not objectification. Finding a woman physically appealing is natural, and honestly, anybody who feels otherwise is either mistaken or possibly mental. It is when that physical appeal is the ONLY focus made that it becomes objectification. If you get "tingly" about her, that is fine. But is that the only thing you can bring up as a good point about her? Is that the only reason you even acknowledge her existence? If so, then you are objectifying.

Your statement above is precisely the point. Yes, Veronica Mars and Sydney Bristow are quite sexy, but they aren't so JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR BODIES. They do have other qualities that make them immensely attractive. We men with "sensitive cred" can see that they are not merely that sex toys with pulses. You seem to use this as a denouncement, but it is really more of a defense of such fellows.

If you find Lohan attractive, hey, whatever floats your boat. But seeing a movie for ONLY that reason is pretty sad. Especially since all the 'naughty' parts are already online and free.

I, for one, cannot wait to see this movie.

I'll go it alone. I'm fairly convinced it will entertain me for days. Horrible movies make me happy.

Can anyone really blame Agent Bedhead for going into this movie, or any movie, for that matter, with preconceived notions? It's pretty obvious that this wasn't gonna be a good movie...or did those lame-ass "teasers" with Lohan stripping with a garbled man's voice talking in the background convince people that this was going into "Sophie's Choice" territory?

Agent Bedhead - an excellent review here, and a joy to read. I had no idea Lohan's "dark" picture was gonna be such a limb-loppin' carnival of depravity. Goodness.

Um, I'm a girl. Lindsay Lohan is HOT. I adore her.
I love bad movies.
I totally intend to see this movie.

And congrats to whomever mentioned that the people who read this site will agree with anything posted. Sometimes when reading the reviews I get so disgusted with the "That is exactly what I was thinking...you are god" comments that I stop reading Pajiba for a few days. Which is sad, because I love me some Pajiba.
Take the reviews as personal opinions of others, people. Then go make one for yourself.

Vermillion, perhaps my comment about "sycophantic backpatting" was a bit extreme but my blood was up from being called a "fucking twit" and a "nit-wit".

I know that defending movies like these isn't popular, which is exactly why I feel compelled to do so. I'm usually pretty quiet online, but something about the vehemence exhibited by the comments on Captivity rubbed me the wrong way.

Thank you for realizing that all I meant was that there really wasn't anything beyond critiquing and voting with one's pocketbook that could be done without resorting to some form of censorship.

I think I'll go back to lurking now and just enjoying the snarky reviews.

Is it me or has the comment section gotten really rabid lately?

People are allowed to agree, and really, should it come as that much of a shock? This is a website geared toward a very specific subset of the film viewing population. Doesn't it stand to reason that perhaps a large portion of them would tend toward agreement?

Lastly, on the question of censorship. Crapfests like this have every right to exist, and personally I'm glad they do. They go a long way toward keeping the shitty writing and acting where it belongs, and frankly it's a philosophical question. Can good exist without evil?

my heart breaks for Lindsay Lohan.

I say this because I turned on CNN last week and caught a few minutes of Zombie Larry sucking up to her evil bastard of a father.

Lindsay should be allowed to fade into obscurity and not be CNN news fodder until her death by drug overdose at 25 makes the cover of People some day. Instead her violently abusive, possibly sexually abusive, father who she has cut all communication with gets an hour of television to theorize why she is addicted to drugs and whine about her only healthy choice in life of ceasing to communicate with this horrible excuse for a human being.
I just found the comments fascinating that people would spew hate about the torture porn genre and the actress herself without ever realizing that her drug addiction and downward spiral are being followed more closely by the media than any Eli Roth film. Sure she isn't getting her fingers chopped off but she is experiencing her dad fight for custody of her vulnerable younger siblings and using her addiction as his leverage. It just makes me sad. I haven't been impressed with any thing she has done in her career, but I feel sorry for her which is more than I can say for the Brittany, Paris and Nicoles of this world.

Um, canology, not sure WTF you're talking about, but trust me when I say I read the entirety of your piercing insight before responding. Here is the entire exact quote from your post to which I responded:

Censorship is bad even when it's stuff you don't like.

That was your response to someone else saying that voting with her dollars wasn't getting it done, so was there anything else to do to undermine this genre of films? So, yes, you're using "censorship" incorrectly.

It was wrong of me to call you a "nitwit." Despite your rude, dick remark to the prior poster to "shut up," that's not the way to behave, so I apologize for name-calling.

No to defend AB, but here's my movie synopsis (from somebody who hasn't seen it):

Lohan plays identical twins, and one goes on mad sexy spree, while the other gets tortured by some evil person or persons. Then, at the end, THE TWIST! Yes, it was only the one girl all the time, a made-up twin. Or something like that. Not much better than art-school fare for a movie plot.

Look, people, this whole new gore-porn genre is where these child actors get to prove they're not child actors any more. Jessica Biel did it, this is Lindsay's turn. It's a calculated move to get rid of the child-actor stigma. Havoc went strait to video when Anne Hathaway's girly bits made it on the internet.

To borrow a line from Dorothy Parker, this movie should not be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Jennifer, what you wrote was the most poignant posting here.

Well said. I agree with you 100%.

Art imitating life.
_______________________

my heart breaks for Lindsay Lohan.
I say this because I turned on CNN last week and caught a few minutes of Zombie Larry sucking up to her evil bastard of a father.
Lindsay should be allowed to fade into obscurity and not be CNN news fodder until her death by drug overdose at 25 makes the cover of People some day. Instead her violently abusive, possibly sexually abusive, father who she has cut all communication with gets an hour of television to theorize why she is addicted to drugs and whine about her only healthy choice in life of ceasing to communicate with this horrible excuse for a human being.
I just found the comments fascinating that people would spew hate about the torture porn genre and the actress herself without ever realizing that her drug addiction and downward spiral are being followed more closely by the media than any Eli Roth film. Sure she isn't getting her fingers chopped off but she is experiencing her dad fight for custody of her vulnerable younger siblings and using her addiction as his leverage. It just makes me sad. I haven't been impressed with any thing she has done in her career, but I feel sorry for her which is more than I can say for the Brittany, Paris and Nicoles of this world.

Havoc went strait to video when Anne Hathaway's girly bits made it on the internet.

No disrespect, but this is hilarious, if only in the implication that Havoc was a gore-porn movie. I don't recall anything being particularly gory in the movie, other than Anne's attempt to be "sexy." At least Bijou Phillips had the cojones to take it all the way there. I'm still mad at the Blockbuster rep who told me that piece of shit was good. Then again, he looked like he was under 21, so I should have known better.

Daphne, I have a long-standing crush on Anne Hathaway, and even I didn't watch Havoc. You got suckered. I'd find that clerk, take him out back and beat him with a rubber hose.

@Daphne: you are correct. I should've made some sort of separation for that, as I was just trying to point out that she was making a movie to get her away from the typecasting.

"It's good fer the career," the agents say.
"It's good fer the Fridays you can't get a date," the clerks at Shop-Ko say.

socalledonlycousins, I realize my first comment was terse (and probably rude), but in my later comments I have tried to elucidate what I was driving at. Simply this, I am not sure what is left to do after you have exhausted criticizing the film and not spending your money on it. What steps, beyond those, are available without venturing into the fuzzy area on the border of censorship.

Once more, my censorship comment was made in response to the statement that withholding money and criticism "were not effective forms of protest".

Also, for the record, the comment that I first replied to was ludicrous. Did markus really think that because he didn't spend his money on Captivity that no more movies like this would be made?
I suspect that since it only came out two weeks later that I Know Who Killed Me was probably already completed when word reached the studio that markus didn't watch Captivity and therefore they should close up shop.

Well, now. Not only did I get suckered into watching Havoc......apparently I can't get a date on Friday night, either. I may be slightly depressed. Mondays suck. Boo, Mondays.

Daphne, you know I am always here for you, right?

you know, i love the comments section on this site. it is just as entertaining and intriguing as many of the reviews. good debate (even though sometimes tempers become a bit inflamed); and this is such a good forum for it. everyone can have their say, and that, i say, is A-OK.

thank you everyone for keeping this place intelligent, insightful, and evolving.

"I know that free speech includes complaining about movies you don't like,"

Actually, free speech has very little to do with
complaining about movies you don't like.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Amendment I, The Bill of Rights

Personally, I can't wait for Lindsay's next role. I'm dying to find out if Flav can look past her cat fights and drunkenness in the mansion and give her a clock.

Um, Actually, The Bill of Rights 1st Amendment only describes the Right to Free Speech in very broad strokes. There is a massive body of legislation and legal precedent that offers more precise definition.

If slamming torture porn isn't in there somewhere it's only because nobody could have foreseen a development as grotesque as hustling a pointless spectacle of blood and pain for personal profit.

I've seen a real blood-spattered room. It wasn't fun, sexy and stimulating. Marketing the connection is revolting beyond belief.

Still, you could be correct. Heaping abuse on products from vermin who market torture purely for the sake of torture, pretending it's all jolly-good-fun and amusing entertainment sounds like more of an Obligation than a Right to me.

Wes- Not having the pleasure of ever watching Hostel, Saw, The Hills... (the MTV show nor the movie), I haven't become excited from viewing pictures of torture since I was in that Turkish prison. I prefer the Lindsay Lohan in a bikini at a beach, not the one up on the big screen getting tortured (or torturing us with her apparently crappy movies).

Vermillion- I'm calling bullshit here. The men who claim they get excited by Veronica and Sidney only because these characters have the smarts still have the nudy mags under the mattress just like the rest of us. And the reason why these characters work in the first place is because of their looks. I don't think Janene Garafolo had a chance at the part of Bionic Woman. Some women are on screen to be objectified. They are models who talk. The 2 female characters in Transformers come to mind. Sure, one of the gals was a "brilliant scientist", but thats not why they are in the movie. In turn, Tyrese and Josh Duhamel are there for the same reason. Its the abs the women like, not their characters' bravery and military service. So, no, I wouldn't see this movie just to see Lohan play-strip, but I don't blame any guy for paying 10 bucks for a movie just to see Ann Hathaway, or Jessica Alba, or whoever else floats their boat anymore than blame a woman who wants to go see a generic romantic comedy starring some dude with a British accent.

My final comment was addressing the reviewer's actual desire to review the movie to rip it. Thats crap. If you go into a movie with an open mind and hate it, feel free to rip it. But if the reviewer already came to the theater planning to rip it, then what does that say about her? The review itself is a shallow, albeit mildly entertaining exercise. Its as entertaining as, oh I dont know, watching a movie just because the lead character is hot. Good to look at, but entirely without substance. So what we have here is a review that is the equivelent of a Lohan vehicle. If that was AB's goal she succeeded.

Fabiola Thing, wait... are you saying that we don't have a right to complain about movies we don't like? The prohibition on the government's ability to abridge free speech, preserves that right for us, correct?

I really hope that we aren't going to get into an argument over semantics. All I meant was that complaining wasn't censorship, if you are to obtuse to follow that I am sorry.

Poor Lindsay. She has destroyed her career, thanks to her stupidness and her stupid money hungry, media whore parents. Good Bye Lindsay.

This movie was god-awful. The director and screenwriter had absolutely no idea what they were doing. They used elements to make the audience think there was some context there, but it didn't exist (like the copious amounts of a particular shade of blue), the dialogue was terrible, the plot advancement something out of a story written by a fifth grader, and the questions it left were never answered. Hell, it even failed Movie Suspense 101. It didn't leave subtle clues to allow the audience to play along nor give any shock to the answer. It jumped around far too often.

My only consolation is that since I work at a theater, I didn't pay for it and I've been steering customers away from the film.

Interesting premise and it had the potential to be really good, but the wrong people were hired.

Enough with the 'like OMG' the reviewer went to the movie planning to rip it rubbish. Possession of sufficient firing synapses to know it was gonna stink is hardly indicative of defective attitude.

JP- I never said men liked those women only because of their smarts. In fact, I did take into account that they were sexy and nice to look act. I simply added that what puts them on a different plane than this is that there is something more to them than just looks. You want to insist that all men care about is T&A, actual personality and brains be damned. Well, one could argue Paris Hilton is physically attractive, doesn't mean I would want to spend ten seconds with the woman.

My point was if the ONLY reason you can come up with for paying money to see rubbish like this is because there is a hot chick in skimpy clothing in it, then that is objectifying women. If a guy wants to feel better about settling for a big rack that jiggles nicely, fine, that is his choice. But I and others like me shouldn't be made to feel guilty for choosing to look for something more behind that pretty face.

Agent Bedhead, everyone is really easy to jump on your ass. I just wanted to say I enjoyed the review, I thought it was clever and laughed out loud a few times. For the record, I think Lindsey Lohan is a douche, a used, crusty douche laying in the gutter. The men that get the "Schwing!" when they are getting their Lindsey on, I am just wondering if you have seen the numerous shots of her beaver all over the internet? Fire Crotch isn't far off the mark. The fact that I am a woman in my 30's and I have seen her vagina makes me really really sad. Like a few here, I love me some bad movies. Will put this one on Netflix for that rainy day when I am home sick and need some bad entertainment. Here's a snot rocket for you Fire Crotch.

You guys are funny sometimes.
Alright, not that my opinions are particularly profound (at least in this case) but I thought I'd donate my $.02
The review was crappy. I'm sorry, I have no prejudices against AB, no agendas or otherwise. I don't care about this movie, or Lohan, or anything else to do with the whole mess. But this review was bad. It was incoherent. Maybe if I had seen the movie I would be able to follow the review but that kind of defeats the point. This review made about as much sense as the Wookiee defense.

LINDSAY LOHAN, YOU ROCK! Contrary to what these shits say, I enjoyed I KNOW WHO KILLED ME. I am confident that you will have more projects in the future. I hope you will have more courage and strength to fight your demons. I am praying for you!

ok people, so i dont know why u all hate lindsay, in one way, lindsay(hollywood lindsay)is a drugadicted,partyer...like nicole richie,paris,britney, they all started their career good but then paparazzi,money,hollywood...made them start taking drugs, crazy life and the, being more famouse, so the shit life they have gives them more money, more offers...everyone loves when they talk trash about famouse people to make sure they r not perfect, maybe casue they ll feel better about them knowing "perfect people" ends in hospitals because of their drugadiction....
well, first of all u guys are not or have been famouse, maybe they do have a lot of pressure, and more if everyone fucking finds out all their mistakes...at least they try to desintoxicate to a hospital...
about mean girls..traditional high school movie, pink, football players,popularity,cheer leaders, hot girls...high school movie..lindsay is a good actress, and her personal life shouldnt change youur opinion of their movies, since in the movies she acts, thats a career, she is still acting even though noone has respect for her and she has been insulted in magazines(her fault), but i am sure, she has started in her teenage years that are the most difficult ones , as a hollywood famouse actress, then she got even hotter, then doing drugs, so for a hot teenage famouse girl that is suppouse to be making mistakes, having bf and going to high school as a normal teenage girl....is normal to end like this. she could do like hilary duff that started more or less at the same age, and she is not in all magazines...lindsay just have no dignity anymore, but that doesnt mean u guys can talk so much trash about her....and her movies i have seen are all good...mean girls ...for the poeple who likes high school movies..if u dont then u wont liek this one, and i know who killed me...she did good, but if she wasnt lindsay lohan the one who acts, u guys would pro bably say it is a good movie and a good actress...she is hot, famouse....men like it...

I don't think a lot of people understood this film. There were some lame lines. There were some "bad effects" but I don't see how a movie like this is worse than a David Lynch movie. I love Lynch and I was into this movie. If he had put this out people would be flipping out over it.

Wow. To the chick who wrote "lindsay!!!! I love you , like I dont care what these shits say!! !I'm praying for you!!!" First of all shes a fucking Kabbalist Idiot! Secondly, shes not gonna ring you up and be all "yeah thanx so much for your support and for your prayers,I think the cokes finally wearing off-can we go to church now!!" I came on here to review the movie and I'm stuck reading these bullshit Attention Whores writing little 5 page paragraphs clarifying Fire Crotches character. Come on people! Grow the fuck up.Shes just a person....well sort of Ok Shes just A WALKING STD
My review.The previews for this movie-very deceiving. If your an avid lindsay fan, which I hope is why you're seeing it, otherwise FUCKING FORGET IT. This movie starts out promising and goes to shit after She starts talking about her crack whore mom. No spoilers here because there aren't any-the ending they want you to believe makes sense if your twelve .But IS SEVERELY UNBELIEVABLE UNREALISTIC am i being redundant here...AND BLOODY UNLIKELY to the average individual.Its gonna be a cult classic for sure cuz its eerie and showgirls-like and We haven't seen a good stripper movie in quite some time bute other than that it'll soon be forgotten. Good job linds you've really out done yourself with this one! didnt think it was possible.What next? Will Demi Moore be making a "striptease" comeback as her "other" twin stigmatta sister in "I STILL KNOW WHO KILLED ME"...we'll just have to wait and see i guess

i too like the title of the article, and i like the review. it clarified my confusion regarding the story line.

Ms. Lohan is a good actress, she has more talent that few, unfortunately she takes her talent for granted and makes dumb mistakes regarding her personal life and her participation in this movie.
i must admit that the only reason this movie is stomachable if i may say so is because she does an okay job at acting.

the directing was horrendous, the music at times didn't go with the scene, the editor f@#$ed up the entire film. many scenes did not have a smooth transition.

overall i blame the failure of the movie on the director, editor, and writer...for those ridiculous lines that no matter how Lindsey delivered it wasn't genuine.

all i can say is at least i didn't waste my money...saw it for free online.
though the movie sucked, it is a fine movie to pass the time.

i too like the title of the article, and i like the review. it clarified my confusion regarding the story line.

Ms. Lohan is a good actress, she has more talent that few, unfortunately she takes her talent for granted and makes dumb mistakes regarding her personal life and her participation in this movie.
i must admit that the only reason this movie is stomachable if i may say so is because she does an okay job at acting.

the directing was horrendous, the music at times didn't go with the scene, the editor ruined the entire film. many scenes did not have a smooth transition.

overall i blame the failure of the movie on the director, editor, and writer...for those ridiculous lines that no matter how Lindsey delivered it wasn't genuine.

all i can say is at least i didn't waste my money...saw it for free online.
though the movie sucked, it is a fine movie to pass the time.

I'm one of those people who rarely thinks movies are bad. In fact, I'll watch a movie and think it was great when others claim it was the worst movie they'd ever seen. That being said, I thought this movie was terrible. Absolutely terrible.