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A Film with the Passion of Tennessee Williams


The Room / Stacey Nosek

Film Reviews | November 11, 2009 | Comments (25)


Although The Room has been around for quite some time now, no Pajiba staffer has ever attempted to cover it. I soon realized this may be because there’s almost no way of even adequately doing this film justice in a review. To say The Room is a “bad” film is like saying that the Grand Canyon is big or the sun is hot. It’s just almost impossible to find the right words to encompass the sheer awesomeness of the phenomenon. Saying that The Room is the worst film of all time comes a little closer, but still doesn’t even begin to crack the surface. It’s kind of like watching a porno wrapped in a soap opera without the porn. But that’s not entirely true because the frequent and drawn-out gratuitous sex scenes do, at times, straddle the line of softcore porn. Yet, to compare your run-of-the-mill softcore Skinemax flick to The Room would be like comparing a Skinemax flick to Casablanca. The Room is a film that is just so fundamentally terrible in every single facet of its being that it somehow has transcended into a thing of wonder. The only way anyone can really even begin to understand it is to experience it for oneself.

The Room is the brainchild of Tommy Wiseau, who wrote, directed, executive produced, and starred in the film, which he is also said to have financed for the sum of 6 million dollars. I think this gives him way too much credit, as this is approximately 5 million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, and four hundred dollars more than it appears to have been made for. Released in 2003, the film would have faded into the obscurity of obscurity if it hadn’t started making headlines about a year ago when it found new life after being discovered by ironic Los Angeles hipsters. Quickly, the film became a cult sensation, selling out packed Rocky Horror-esque screenings to legions of fans who would act out scenes from the movie, throw stuff, and yell at the screen. Now, thanks to the DVD release and recent Netflix availability, this “crap de résistance,” if you will, is now accessible to the rest of the world.

The true beauty of The Room is Tommy Wiseau himself. Or maybe “beauty” isn’t the most accurate of words, because his freakish body and clenching white buttocks during the sex scenes aren’t for the squeamish. The guy is goddamn captivating — watching him is like staring into one of those magic-eye paintings when the image inside of the painting is of a roadside traffic accident. While the other actors in the film are just downright fucking terrible, Wiseau is “light up the screen” terrible. He’s got an exceptionally rare screen presence which channels Christopher Walken crossed with Dr. Nick from “The Simpsons” and a smack of Pepe Le Pew thrown in for good measure. Not much is known about Wiseau’s past, although it’s said he comes from France, which would make sense given his heavy French accent and broken English. So not only does he act through broken English, but the entire script was penned by someone who doesn’t have a complete mastery of the English language, making the dialogue, for lack of a better word, farcical.

The plot, though largely unimportant in the grand scheme of things, contains such complex themes as betrayal, serious betrayal, cancer, betrayal, drug abuse, and more betrayal. Actually, the cancer and the drug abuse stuff aren’t really important so it’s mostly just betrayal. Wiseau stars as “Johnny,” a guy who spends his days working hard to support his future wife Lisa (Juliette Danielle). Despite the fact that Johnny showers her with daily roses and steamy sex, Lisa is bored with the relationship and soon finds herself in the arms of Johnny’s best friend Mark, played by Greg Sestero. Really, I don’t know why I’m going into the names of the actors and actresses here, since they’re pretty much inconsequential. The biggest role any of them in the entire film has had to date (Sestero) is a starring role in a direct-to-DVD sequel of The Puppetmaster. That’s basically it. A timeless story such as this doesn’t need to let itself get bogged down with the details. Johnny and Lisa have sex with each other and then Lisa tells her mother how she’s not in love with Johnny and then she turns to Mark and they have an argument about how Johnny is his best friend but then they have sex anyway. Wash, rinse, repeat. Based on the overall plot of the film and similarity of the character’s name to Tommy Wiseau’s name, I’d wager a bet that this guy got SERIOUSLY screwed over by some devil woman at some point in his life — as such is the case that pain often yields the greatest art.

Wiseau’s style of filmmaking is what can probably best be described as “avant-garde.” Scene didn’t turn out quite to your liking? That’s fine, just dub your lines over. Better yet, just recycle a scene from earlier in the film. Or what if you shot two different cuts of a scene but can’t decide which to use? Why subject yourself to those kinds of decisions? Use them both. Actor quits on you halfway through the movie? That’s fine, use another to pick up where the first left off. No need to bother with cumbersome explanations. Nobody will notice. “Framing” is for suckers. Shoot what you want, and figure it out later. Wiseau also employs the technique of setting the tone of San Francisco, where the film is supposed to take place, not by ever making reference to it but by cutting to long, panning shots of San Francisco’s landmarks — say, the Golden Gate Bridge — between scenes. Incidentally, this also turned out to be a great way to make smooth-as-butter transitions between points in the timeline of his story. And when budgetary restrictions forced him to shoot in a separate location, whereas some lesser filmmakers would have compromised their “vision,” Wiseau was resourceful enough to employ green screen technology as needed.

So what is “the room” of The Room? Tommy Wiseau doesn’t like to get pigeonholed with metaphors, so instead, according to the special features DVD interview, he leaves it open-ended by saying that the room means something different for everyone who watches it. Fair enough. I can’t tell you what The Room meant for me personally because that’s private, but as Wiseau’s character says in the film: “If everybody loved each other, the world would be a better place.” Of course, he also says, “I did not hit her, it’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not hit her! I did NOTTT. Oh hi, Mark.” — so shit if I know.

Stacey Nosek is the world’s most articulate idiot, and occasionally scrapes the bottom of the television and movie barrel for Pajiba. You can also find her ripping on celebrities at Litelysalted.


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Comments

I don't know if it has enough betrayal for my taste. When I go to see a betrayal flick I reeeeaally want to feel the betrayal...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 11, 2009 3:41 PM

*Slow Clap* I want your gay babies, Stacey.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at November 11, 2009 3:44 PM

The Room? Really? Does this thing really need any more exposure?

Posted by: Ken Hart at November 11, 2009 3:46 PM

This was awesome. Well done, Stacey. I opted out of a midnight screening of this here in L.A. on Halloween, but this is making me think I made the wrong decision.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at November 11, 2009 3:47 PM

I had never heard of this oeuvre until I caught it on Adult Swim's April Fool's Day showing. I tuned in to one of the sex, ahem excuse me M. Wiseau, "love" scenes (as he's so apt to call them) and could not stop watching. His performance was breath-taking, mostly because I was laughing so hard I was often left winded. Thanks for reviewing this. And an extra special thanks for finding a header picture that so perfectly encompasses the passion this film portrays.

Hi, Doggie!

Posted by: Kayanne at November 11, 2009 3:49 PM

That, Ms. Nosek, was a masterpiece review. I will never see this movie, but I will come back to this write-up from time to time; of that I am sure.

Posted by: Sean at November 11, 2009 4:03 PM

The Room With A PU?

Posted by: BWeaves at November 11, 2009 4:04 PM

I received this DVD as a birthday present from a friend who had just watched it and wanted other people to suffer as she did. It was so terrible, like, car accident terrible. So, naturally I watched the whole thing. It was so hard to turn away. To say that every aspect was terrible is an undestatement. Yet, somehow all that terrible just created something that was beyond judegment; certainly beyond reason. And what about Johnny's random laughter? I swear he laughed after every other sentence. Was it some kind of tick? Was it a stalling device he employed until he remembered the line he wrote? I still have so many questions and may watch this again.

Posted by: James at November 11, 2009 4:06 PM

"I definitely have cancer"

The soundtrack itself is a thing of beauty. Imagine an entire soundtrack that sounds like a Boys 2 Men ripoff but worse.

I've seen the movie a half a dozen times (probably more) and every time I see it gets better. But I recommend using "The Room" Drinking Game to get yourself acquainted with the film.

* we see stock footage of the golden gate bridge
* someone, including mark, mentions that mark is johnny’s best friend
* someone says “don’t worry about it”
* we see lisa’s boobs
* there’s a football in the scene
* there’s a spoon somewhere in the scene
* lisa says “i don’t love tommy”

You now have alcohol poisoning. You’re welcome. But once you become better acquainted with the film it's more fun to create your own!

Posted by: Ashley at November 11, 2009 4:08 PM

Nice review Stacey. I might actually have to see this thing.

Posted by: Cindy at November 11, 2009 4:25 PM

The biggest role any of them in the entire film has had to date (Sestero) is a starring role in a direct-to-DVD sequel of The Puppetmaster.

Hey, for some that's quite an accomplishment.

Posted by: MM at November 11, 2009 4:46 PM

I love this movie.

"You're my favourite customer."

Posted by: SackmementoCalifornia at November 11, 2009 5:05 PM

I had the misfortune of catching this thing a few weeks ago when a friend of mine found it on youtube. Obsessed ever since. We got really drunk that night and spent our time wandering round a gay club in Dublin shouting "I did not hit her!" at everyone. Great stuff :P

Posted by: sheepeyes at November 11, 2009 5:05 PM

I refuse to believe any movie that doesn't involve Tyler Perry could be the worst movie in history, but this sounds like a worthy competitor.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 11, 2009 5:30 PM

HO-LEE SHIT! I JUST saw this movie this weekend! It was beyond terrible. The recycled sex scene is one of the more uncomfortable things I've ever scene.

And hello, how could you forget the football playing? Wiseau wants to be American so bad that whenever two guys are in a scene together (regardless of the size of room) they must be throwing a football around because, I assume, that's what he thinks American guys do. He also talked about being American in the DVD commentary. No way this man is an American citizen. It sounds like he arrived in the land of Milk, Honey, and Cheeseburgers a few hours ago.

Also, according to the DVD commentary, he's writing a book about the difference between 35mm and HD cameras . . . because he didn't know the difference when he started filming . . . and used both to film the movie . . .

Posted by: mc at November 11, 2009 5:41 PM

That guy in the header pic looks like the manitou that plagued Tony Curtis in the movie titled the same (The Manitou, 1978).

Thanks for reviving the nightmares that movie gave me.

Posted by: Rykker at November 11, 2009 5:42 PM

Soooooo.....it's like Plan 9 From Outer Space only worse? Wiseau better watch out or Poltergeist Ed Wood is going to get him.

Posted by: stardust (now with 100% less savant) at November 11, 2009 5:53 PM

Just wait until Tim Burton and Johnny Depp make a movie about Wiseau...

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 11, 2009 6:04 PM

I like Daniel Hall's take on it ... another "Ed Wood," only this one about Tommy Wiseau. Stardust's comment was also funny. There is no film worse than "Plan 9 ...," but it's possible "The Room" could earn runner-up status.

Posted by: Andy Geisel at November 11, 2009 6:27 PM

Heis a misunderstood genius, only to be appreciated after his time. Sad, really.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 11, 2009 7:08 PM

"He’s got an exceptionally rare screen presence which channels Christopher Walken crossed with Dr. Nick from “The Simpsons” and a smack of Pepe Le Pew thrown in for good measure."

I'm sold.

Posted by: schrome at November 11, 2009 7:42 PM

Nice job, Stace. While there's nothing to fully describe 'The Room', this about as close as you're ever gonna get to explaining this flick -- no, this EXPERIENCE.

The truly ironic part is that I'll probably remember watching this film far longer that I will any other films reviewed on this site.

P.S. The tests came back, I have cancer.

Posted by: A Bowl Of Stupid at November 11, 2009 8:48 PM

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were caught holding hands in Paris! How daring, what elan and eclat. Whenever someone complains about Proposition 8 and gays not being able to marry I like to point out their error and say, "You are MISTAKEN! Gays are able to marry, just get a gay woman and a gay man and a marriage license and voila, you have a legal gay marriage. Even in California."

Posted by: OscarTamerz at November 11, 2009 9:55 PM

Oh, hi, OscarTamerz!

Posted by: Matt Sandwich at November 14, 2009 12:19 PM

I've been visiting this site for years, but this is the first review for which I just HAD to post a comment. I came across this 'gem' when I tuned in to Adult Swim to catch Family Guy reruns. I was completely bewildered, I kept checking the channel and the digital TV guide(which didn't list the right title), seriously thinking that the channels had been reassigned and I had stumbled onto a free preview of Skinemax. I had NO IDEA what I was watching, but a la Clockwork Orange/Robot Chicken, I felt as if I was bolted to the chair with my eyeballs held open. It was so astoundingly horrible I.could.not.stop.watching.

It is a testament to the profound awfulness of this cinematic debacle that although I had never learned the title and I had forced the memory from my mind, I was able to recognize it within the first few sentences of this review.

Thanks, Pajiba, for putting a name to that totally surreal experience. However, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for making me remember it in the first place.

Posted by: swishersweet at November 21, 2009 3:13 PM





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