By Petr Navovy | Celebrity | May 1, 2018 |
By Petr Navovy | Celebrity | May 1, 2018 |
I don’t follow an awful lot of celebrities on Twitter. Mostly because their accounts generally seem to fall into one of two camps: Bland product promotion exercises run by a PR team, or a never-ending stream of Instagram-filtered showbiz events and famous friendships. Neither is particularly enticing to me. Once in a while though you do stumble upon a gem. Whether it’s an eco-conscious Kiwi and his pig mate—
Yes, I know things can look a little glum at present. But , for now cheer up. From us. pic.twitter.com/rL5VWPsWxF
— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) January 4, 2018
—or a steady roll of sarky British goodness—
I can’t be doing with @VICE articles:
— Rahul Kohli (@RahulKohli13) November 23, 2017
“I spent a week shoving fistfuls of heroin up my arse”
“I spent the day shaking people’s hands as limply as possible”
“Is sex with an otter as good as it sounds? I find out”
I’m good fam.
—there are some exceptions to the anodyne Twitter norm.
My new favourite feed is Ryan Reynolds’s. We like Reynolds here at Pajiba. All through the various, somewhat disparate stages of his acting career, he always seemed like a good dude. A few times along the way, I’d see one of his tweets mentioned somewhere and I’d laugh, but I never took the time to actually visit his feed, and so I always assumed he just got lucky every once in a while, cracking a joke that landed now and then.
Nope.
Dude is just great at this thing, killing it nonstop. His feed is a consistent stream of laughs. Often, hilariously, at his daughters’ expense. If you don’t follow him, do. Here are some of his best moments:
My kids tried to surprise me for my birthday this morning. I totally heard them coming and snuck out to start a new life somewhere else.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 23, 2017
No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 7, 2016
Enjoyed running into @robdelaney at the 1956 Saskatchewan Men's Conference. #deadpool2 pic.twitter.com/JFggo362Ke
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 2, 2017
On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 16, 2016
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
From a guy who never knows when to quit, I’m glad you guys never did. Congrats #Avengers. pic.twitter.com/voJshTKx5E
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 29, 2018
People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 7, 2017
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
Healthy Parenting Tip No. 34: Get the child into showbiz as soon as possible.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 1, 2016
Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 26, 2015
The guy sitting next to me on the plane placed a tiny chocolate on his tray table. He waited like, 7 hours to eat it. Enjoy hell, fuck-face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2017
My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2015
Nothing better than the simple joys of finding 5 bucks in an old pair of pants, or discovering my wife and I had a second daughter over a year ago.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 24, 2018
Being a father means responsibility. Not just for your main family, but also the secret one in Denmark nobody knows about.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2016
Put the baby down in her crib tonight. She scrunched her nose so cute, giggled, then turned into thousands of bats.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 10, 2016
"Hurt" by Johnny Cash. Good luck making love with that song stuck in your head.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 26, 2017
Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 19, 2016
A family having a picnic about two hundred yards downwind, ate like, half my Dad's ashes this morning.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) May 19, 2016
Thanksgiving in our house is a glorious, non-stop car accident set to the music of cocaine. pic.twitter.com/ngCdgtpgct
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2017
My daughter loves being buried up to her neck in sand at the beach. Her little face lights up when I come back to get her the next day.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 16, 2017
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) December 16, 2015
It's 2016. I'm not going to start drinking regular milk just because some asshat has a problem with public breastfeeding at the beach.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 28, 2016
Got totally messed up on probiotics last night and digested the fuck out of dinner.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 28, 2015
Having a kid doesn't stop this party train.
Loved @catastrophe_tv. Mr @robdelaney has the effervescent gait of a man who'd never intentionally take a life.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 13, 2015
I can't turn back time, but it appears CPR is actually administered through the mouth.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 31, 2017
Being a Dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy-bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word hero.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 18, 2017
Happy Birthday to my amazing wife. pic.twitter.com/7vulMXqOdp
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 26, 2017
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Painfully, you gave birth 468 weeks late. I was 9. We were both so happy to be free. pic.twitter.com/B7TDWRuWUe
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) May 8, 2016
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
Thanks for an amazing visit Beijing! @WolverineMovie @20thcenturyfox pic.twitter.com/FsbuNpXMQ1
— Hugh Jackman (@RealHughJackman) March 5, 2017
Pretty sure those are protesters. https://t.co/URNGDCg0cO
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) March 5, 2017