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The Constant, Constant Murdering

By Pereka | Posted Under Book Reviews | Comments (29)



i claudius patrick stewart.jpg

If, by some quirk in the time-space continuum, I was able to time travel, probably one of the last places I would want to end up would be ancient Rome. It’s not the food, the constant wars, or the public toilets that bother me (derail: sat on one of those at a Roman archeological dig in Israel—I prefer to do my business when I don’t have a neighbor’s butt about five inches from mine). Nope, it’s about the murdering—the constant, constant murdering.

When I set down Robert Graves’s I, Claudius for the final time, I tried to figure out how many of the main and secondary characters had been taken out by poisoning, bludgeoning, or neglect. It’s a pretty staggering number. We have mothers killing daughters by walling them up in a room and listening to them starve to death, grandmothers gradually poisoning grandsons, and emperors getting their jaws hacked off by assassins. Neither rank nor blood can protect you from an inevitable and unnatural death.

Unless, of course, you’re an idiot. Or, at least, you’re perceived as an idiot, like the titular Claudius. Born twisted, small, and with a dreadful stammer, Claudius is immediately discounted by his family, a powerful combination of Claudians and Caesars. When he’s not being the punching bag for his mother, grandmother, sister, or a whole host of other family members, he spends his time learning and observing. It’s this quiet behavior that allows him to watch the goings-on unharmed. Claudius watches as Rome goes through three emperors: Augustus (who you might recognize as Octavian from Rome), Tiberius, and Caligula, the “little boot” who nearly ran Rome into the ground.

Throughout, I had trouble deciding whether Claudius was in fact an idiot or not. True, much of his perceived idiocy comes from his self-imposed dumb show, but the situations that he puts himself in are kind of ludicrous. Maybe it’s the comparison between him and his brother Germanicus that makes Claudius come out looking cowardly and unmanly in the Roman sense. Then again, Claudius outlived his brother, so that shows how much I know. I’m sure that I might find the answers to my questions in the sequel, Claudius the God, where Claudius comes up against the challenge of his life as emperor. And I’ll also end up hiring someone to taste-test my food as my poison paranoia grows.

This review is part of the Cannonball Read series. For more of Pereka’s reviews, check out her blog, Writing in Wax.









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Comments

When "I, Claudius" is reviewed I demand a photo of Derek Jacobi. DEMAND. OK, now I'll scroll up there and read about books and stuff.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2010 9:27 AM

MMMMM, Sejanus, with hair.

Anyway, as good as the original TV miniseries was, I think it's due for a remake as the miniseries looks a bit like a dated high school play now. It would make the perfect sequel to Rome. Derek Jacobi could still play old Claudius. Actually, I'm amazed at how many actors I recognize in the old miniseries given it's from the 1970's.

Little known fact. They tried to make a black and white movie of I, Claudius in the 1930's but Charles Laughton never could come up with the right character for Claudius. The movie was abandoned after Merle Oberon was seriously hurt in a car crash.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 13, 2010 9:30 AM

Back in the 1990's I rediscovered the series and watched it 3 times. I also tried to retain all the information I could get on the real Claudius.

From what I remember he was actually considered one of the better emperors for the empire, its populace and even its slaves and minorities. The opinion of the historians I followed in the early 90's were of the opinion that the Historical drama did not give him enough credit.

Historians may have changed their opinion since last I looked into this, but he seemed to spend a lot of his time undoing the excesses of his nephew Caligula.

Posted by: Historical? at May 13, 2010 9:31 AM

Ooh! I love this book (but confess that I have never seen the miniseries). Has anyone read Claudius the God? I've heard it does not live up to this one. Anyone else think that it was not a coincidence that Tony Soprano's mother was named Livia?

Posted by: maceo at May 13, 2010 9:36 AM

Fun histories to read:

The Twelve Caesars, by Suetonius
It covers most of the actual history that I, Claudius (the novel) covers. Suetonius was born in 69 A.D. The translation I have is by Robert Graves, who also wrote I, Claudius.

The History of the Kings of Britain, by Geoffrey of Monmouth. This was completed in 1136, and some of it covers the same period of history as Suetonius' book does, only from the British point of view. It's an interesting companion piece.

Unfortunately, Suetonius' Lives of Famous Whores didn't survive the centuries. Bet it was a damn good read.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 13, 2010 9:40 AM

Wow, BWeaves, did you just talk about Merle Oberon? Marry me. I'm a catch, I have a Scarlet Pimpernel tattoo. What, that's not weird and overly lit geeky at ALL.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2010 9:51 AM

Coveredinbees: I accept, but it depends on where your Scarlet Pimpernel tattoo is located. (Correct answer: On someone else.)

Posted by: BWeaves at May 13, 2010 9:57 AM

Wanh wanh.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2010 10:04 AM

Both book and mini-series..awesome. Total awesomeness. I would feign like crazy town too. Bunch of power hungry types in Rome, n'est pas?

Posted by: JaneSpotting at May 13, 2010 10:40 AM

I've read Caludius the God (act surprised.) I thought it pretty good. I actually think of the two volumes as one book, so the transition can't be all that jarring.

Claudius the God is a little slower IMO. You don't have all that world building and surfing surprises. You are there, now. Now what?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at May 13, 2010 11:11 AM

I took a college class on "I, Claudius". Well, it was an honors seminar, but still - awesomest way to earn 2 credits ever?

btw, Scarlet Pimpernel tattoo, I love it. Inspired by Anthony Andrews, I hope, not Richard Grant...? (or, gasp, the books?)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at May 13, 2010 11:14 AM

The BOOKS!

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 13, 2010 11:17 AM

Great review. But I'm also more concerned about Patrick Stewart with hair. Does not compute.

Posted by: figgy at May 13, 2010 11:30 AM

Figgy: You need to watch the miniseries. Patrick Stewart has barely there curly hair. It's the sparcest hairdo I've ever seen. The man was right to shave it all off.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 13, 2010 11:35 AM

Also, Patrick Stewart appears to NEVER AGE after he shaved his head.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 13, 2010 11:36 AM

Patrick Stewart's hair makes me tingly.

Posted by: admin at May 13, 2010 11:52 AM

How is this in any way a review of I, Claudius? That book is a masterpiece of political and historical fiction told by a master of the English language in the guise of one of the best narrators in modern fiction and all you can come up with is four paragraphs about how life in ancient Rome would have sucked, and a toilet joke. Just wow.

Posted by: jbrader at May 13, 2010 11:57 AM

Mom and dad let us watch the miniseries when we were quite young and referred to it as the "titty of the week" show. Let's hear it for PBS! I am totally on board for the remake as the sequel to Rome.

Posted by: FyreHaar at May 13, 2010 1:19 PM

Sorry that I hurt your feelings, jbrader . :(

I'll make sure to chop my fingers off before I ever make comments on another book after I finish my 9-5. If that will make you happy.

*falls on her sword*

Posted by: pereka (called birdy) at May 13, 2010 4:17 PM

A masterpiece? jbrader...really? A master of the english language? Hyperbole...much?

Well, hey pereka at least we know there are lit fanboys that visit the site.

You did it solid, pereka.

Posted by: historical? at May 13, 2010 4:36 PM

Agree with BWeaves...Patrick Stewart's hair is like like Dorian Grey's picture...as long as he stays a shinyhead he will NEVER AGE!

Posted by: pyroplastique at May 13, 2010 8:30 PM

You know why Patrick Stewart is bald now, right?
'Is there anyone here who hasn't slept with my barber?!' Or maybe his hair is still there in secret, but is just being concealed by God. I don't know, I didn't major in Sejanus.


I wouldn't have been outraged if John Hurt showed up in the picture. Havling seen The Naked Civil Servant first, I couldn't imagine a scenario in which Quentin Crisp would seem rugged and butch in comparison to, well, anyone. But the way he plays Caligula is just so damned unsettling--so delicate and fey, he just slinks and glides like a piece of silk lazily dragged over a velvet pillow. He absolutely glories in the fact that his mercurial ways are so terrifying to the populace, but he's just crazy as fuck and delusional on top. I guess we're all just one brain fever away from de-armoured gladiatorial combat and conquered seas. No. No we're not.

Re: Livilla, what would have come first, the starving or the suffocation?' I guess it depends on the size of the room. In real life I think Tiberius did this to Julia once her infidelities were uncovered, so I guess they decided to stick with a winner. I don't see why he should have cared, it just freed up more time for...extracurricular activities.

Have fun with the next part. It may be 'slow' at times, but Messalina was as fast as they come. Speaking of which...

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at May 13, 2010 9:31 PM

I was so psyched when I saw this review. This is one of my favorite books EVER. BierceAmbrose is right, Claudius the God is a lot slower paced but that slut, Messalina, makes up for it. Next to her, Paris Hilton is the Virgin Mary.

As for the miniseries, I loved it so much that I bought it on DVD. It's true that it's quite dated and due for a remake, but the acting is first rate. In addition to Derek Jacobi, there is Brian Blessed (Augustus)and Sian Phillips (Livia!). If you can get past the cheesy 1970's sets and lighting, it's thorougly enjoyable.

Posted by: Carolina Girl at May 14, 2010 3:15 PM

I pretty much wore out my VHS of the miniseries. The book is a natural fit for adaptation, kind of exactly the way LOTR is not. And the adaptation rocks. But it's the cast that does it for me. It's a ball to see these actors playing off-type, showing off their chops. I mean Capt. Picard is scary-creepy, then gets taken out by Gimli(!). My favorite is Brian Blessed who ruled as a surprisingly nuanced Augustus.

"Onward my brave Hawkmen! ... Do you want to live forever. Hawkmen... DIIIIIIVVE!" - not like that.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at May 14, 2010 3:57 PM

Hee, hee. Oh shit, Messalina. What were you THINKING? You can't make crap like that up (unless you do, I haven't seen Suetonius since jazz college so I don't really know what his deal is).

I think the reason why the earlier stuff is more interesting (I found it so, too) is because you're not yet talking about the rule of a man who outfoxed them all (for a while) and against all odds made it to his position alive. Things are still chaotic during Claudius' rule, because that's just how Rome rolled. But through it all, he's the reasonable, intelligent and innocent one--in the fiction of course. Graves misdiagnoses him with having had polio, but it's more likely that he had something like cerebral palsy. He's the main character, but he's also the audience surrogate, so you feel as if you're playing duck and dive with him. And that's not even addressing the abuse that he suffers at the hands of a family that sees him as nothing more than a twitching and defective burden. I guess that makes him sort of a holy fool character, whereas Augustus was a well-meaning but oblivious fool. Claudius the God portrays a man who cast his lot with integrity but found it to be mostly meaningless in his home and useless in his rule. He's wiser and still able to protect himself for the most part, but being the supreme sovereign over decay is demoralizing. I Claudius is more exciting because we're dropped into the destruction that preceded in media res which only seems to exist for its own sake. Mere anarchy, indeed.

That was dull and pretentious, but I always really enjoyed the story. The miniseries is fun, too. I love Sian Philips, but those aqualine features are so...everyone's makeup was crazy. She was rich, so why wouldn't she look like her face is made of diamonds? And that final scene with Brian Blessed, when he finally, FINALLY understands what Livia is perfect. 'Holy bitchcakes, they were right. I married a demon and I'm currently dying by her own hand. This is so HARSH!'

Fun stuff.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at May 14, 2010 7:38 PM

It strikes me that I, Claudius would make a heck of a video game - a la Grand Theft Auto. You have to navigate the life of Claudius and see if you can stay alive and reach the Emperorship. If half the stuff in Grave's book is true, then I have a tremendous amount of respect for the old gimp. What a character! From all the positive reviews here, I can't wait to order up the I, Claudius series on Netflix.

Posted by: GravesFan at May 27, 2010 3:21 PM

Là vous vous assoyez, avec la guimauve douce collante sur la table, sous votre nez. Vous pouvez le voir, le sentir miracle mineral solution et le goûter pratiquement. Évidemment vous voulez deux d'entre eux. Vous avez 4 ans. Vous avez besoin de deux d'entre eux. La question est comment survivrez-vous à 15 minutes de torture d'enfant pour réclamer le pot?

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