Which Character Would You Save From Dead TV Island?

By Emily Cutler | | April 20, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | | April 20, 2017 |

Here’s my great confession of the week: I still watch Modern Family. Not actively or eagerly, mind you, but every couple of weeks it comes up in my Hulu feed, and I passively catch up. And now that the Emmys have decided to stop losing their collective shit for what can, at best, be described as aggressively mediocre, the show no longer galls me. Instead it serves as perfect background entertainment. Or shows to fall asleep to. It’s up there with Elementary in terms of being my all time favorite shows to nod off during, wake up confused about what’s going on, and decide it’s not worth it to figure out.

Despite my committed apathy toward the show, there is always a point I pay attention to: Phil Dunphy.

via GIPHY

It doesn’t make any sense. If I knew the man in real life, I’d hate him. I actively dislike the things he does and enjoys, and I find his inability to consider his family’s feelings infuriating. But, man, does the son of a bitch make me giggle. He’s so earnest in his dedication to making his family fun, I can’t hate him. He knows deep down that if he just keeps trying, his wife and children will learn to love magic. His father-in-law will respect him. He’ll get that sale or land that trampoline trick or convince/coerce/bribe Haley into doing that super cool cheerleading move with him. He is a believer, and no minor set back is going to deter him from his course.

Which is exactly why he needs to be taken off of this garbage show, and be put on the Emmys new darling Veep.

Think about it. Veep is about the incompetence and corruptibility of the non-believer. Everyone cares about exactly one thing on that show: themselves. No principles, no betterment of the American people, no higher goals. They’re willing to sell every shred of integrity and self-respect they have if it will get them ahead. And they’re willing to shit on anyone who can’t help them get there. Throwing Eternal Believer Phil Dunphy into that arena will either break him forever or he’ll … No, it’ll break him. But it’ll be glorious to watch it happen?

What about you folks? Which character would you save from their garbage show, and which good show would you put them on?