Have you ever been in a romantic (or, more accurately: potentially romantic) situation during which you just completely failed to pick up on the signs? That’s the theme of the thread that writer David Drake sparked a little while back on Twitter when he tweeted this:
In high school I went to a sleepover and the girl I liked climbed into bed with me and she started tickling me and I was like ‘hahaha okay well time for bed' and I think about that twice every 5 minutes.— David Drake (@TheDavidDrake) January 17, 2022
There’s a whole piece that could be written just unpacking why the vast majority of the responses seemed to be from straight dudes, but nevertheless, there is some comedy gold here:
Two roads diverged in a wood and you took the one you took— Jenny Hollowell (@JennyHollowell) January 17, 2022
This is my husband's idea of foreplay.— annigan (@annigan) January 18, 2022
One time a girl invited me over to, and I quote:"help me hang up my lights because you're so tall". Afterwards she invited me to sleep over. we both had laid down in her bed she was like "I usually sleep naked" and I was like ok I'll look away until you get back under the covers— menace (@Kroniebits) January 17, 2022
When I was a teenager, a cute girl who worked at McDonald’s wrote her number on the back of my receipt and I thought “I bet they do this in case there’s something wrong with my order”. Then tossed it in the trash.— Ian the Chosen Undead (@Ian_Pretorius) January 17, 2022
In highschool my family was gone so I had the house to myself and threw a party. At the end of the night this girl I liked said “I’ll just spend the night here” I said “You don’t want to go?” She was like “It’s cold”🥺— Mickey Layson (@1andOnlyMickey) January 17, 2022
So I got a sweater for her and sent her on her way.
A slave to art. It's a burden, but you did your part.— Hugh B. McAloon (@HughMcaloon) January 17, 2022
One time in high school I was hanging out with a girl I had feelings for and she was like I have a birth mark right above my vagina if you want to see it and I was like “nah I got birthmarks all over me. Im good” 😆 I think about that a couple times a year.— Nolan Roberts (@Mr_NolanRoberts) January 17, 2022
When I was in college, cute girl I worked with who I gave a ride home asked if I wanted to come in and watch a movie. I asked what movie, said no when didn’t want to see it.— SteveO (@SteveOMSU) January 17, 2022
She also invited me to party at her house, I told her no, didn’t want to go, didn’t know her friends.
I told a girl I was chatting online with & had had one date with that I was getting rid of my porno tape collection. She said she would take them so I brought them over to her house. She asked if I wanted to come in and watch them. I said "No, I've seen them" and left— Kevin 🔴 🆙️ (@KevinJBurke) January 17, 2022
She tells this story every chance she gets because I was so embarrassingly dim.— Don Quiballes (@kuhlthing) January 17, 2022
Also I should mention that she had suggested driving to my place to drive together to the wedding and I said "nah it makes more sense to meet there." I think about this every day.— Definitely: Max (@spaciestdonut) January 17, 2022
I was sitting in the back seat of a car and a girl I liked sat back there with me. The girl put on some watermelon lipgloss and said “This lipgloss tastes great you wanna try it?” I said “sure” and took the lipgloss and put it on. She walked out the car. I never saw her again.— TASK the Pimp Hand of Khonshu (@UpToTASK) January 18, 2022
In my 20's, I went to lunch w/ a very attractive law student. Lunch went great, she asked me if I wanted to go out the next night. Said I was house sitting for a friend. She said I can help you. I said it's not that hard, I'll be OK. Over at that point, she is now a rich lawyer!— Iowa Punt Returner (@IAPuntReturner) January 17, 2022
The first time i got contacted on AIM, I didn't know what it was, thought it was a hacker like when Morpheus messaged Neo in the Matrix. I didn't realize that it was the girl I liked until after I said "leave me alone, I'm telling my grandad you're messing with his computer"— Ozark Mtn Beardevil (@MarximusHix) January 17, 2022
casual conversation with person I REALLY liked a few years back— Clint @Sundance2022! (@bunkjunkins) January 17, 2022
them: I have nothing to do on nye :(
me: haha me neither
them: no new year's kiss either!
me: yeah those seem nice
them: you wanna hang on nye?
me: lol I'll probably just sleep in, nye is overrated
1st year of uni the girl across the hall (who I had a major crush on) came to my room & had me give her a guitar lesson on the bed positioned behind her like I was Patrick Swayze in "Ghost". It took me like, five years to figure it out. I think I'm too late.— Schaub Law Blog (@LawSchaub) January 17, 2022
Early 20’s, 1st date w/ a most beautiful woman. She came over for pre-dinner cocktail and we began to kiss. She said, “If you kiss me one more time, we’re not going to make it to dinner.” I said, “Umm, okay” and we left. 😳🤦🏻♂️— Duane (@DuaneHere) January 18, 2022
A guy I liked asked me to come over and “watch a movie”. When I got there he didn’t have a movie so I, being that I was a manager at Blockbuster Video, got the VHS tape of “A Day for Eeyore” out of my car that I had rented for my nephew. And we watched it. pic.twitter.com/EzqU8grGG8— Katherine Brown (@katybblue) January 18, 2022
A girl once DM’d me on Instagram at like 1 am “Go to bed!” And I was like, “Ok.” And ACTUALLY WENT TO BED— 2000 Toyota Camry CE (@XV20_Camry) January 17, 2022
A friend's house party in HS. I was by the window looking at the city with this girl, I had been drinking and I told her I was thirsty. She said "they say a kiss can be thirst-quenching" I said nah I don't think so, I'll just go grab another beer 🤡 she left haha— Juanitosaurio 🦖 (@eljuanitosaurio) January 17, 2022
one time I met a girl at a music fest, we had been kissing all night and went to hang at her hotel. her brother was crashed in her room and we were in the elevator and she says "why don't we check out the pool" and I was like I don't have swim trunks, and ordered a cab.— the cave ghost (buy A Curse From Beyond on Steam) (@the_cave_ghost) January 17, 2022
TWICE senior year of high school my crush sheepishly asked me what my plans were for a long weekend and then after finals and both times i boasted about my plans and he said “oh…ok…sounds fun” and i said “yeah super fun! bye!” because i was nervous to even talk to him— ✨Marlee Robinson✨ (@MarleeRobinsonn) January 17, 2022
in high school i was at this girls house and we were laying next to each other on the floor watching a movie when she pulled both our shirts up and said “don’t you just love the feeling of skin on skin contact” and i was like “yeah” then proceeded to just keep watching the movie— deep vein himbosis (@markydoodoo) January 18, 2022
In one of my freshman college classes, I used to comment all the time on this one girl's always-changing toenail polish.— ᒍᕮᖴᖴ ᔕIKᕮᔕ🎾 (@JeffSikes) January 17, 2022
She told me I should come over one night and paint a color I liked.
I was like, "Why would I want to paint your toenails?"
I was a slowwwww learner.
A friend invited me over after I got stranded at lightrail platform by their house and when they went to bed they asked if I was coming with, then got naked and I was like "that's regular for friends" and fell asleep fully clothed with my arms across my chest like I was dead.— Milf Respector (@toomanysnacks) January 17, 2022
Met an American who'd been working overseas. She asked if I knew anything FUN to do. I gave her a list of things. She said: I haven't had FUN in over 3 years. ME: Still oblivious. She said: You should come up and show me. I said: Everything is easy to find. Just Google it.— ✨ C.E. Robb ✨ (@CERobbAuthor) January 18, 2022
I’d just started dating a girl and as we were walking home she invited me to her place for coffee and I said “oh no thanks I don’t drink coffee” 💀— ✨Lawrie✨ (@indextwo) January 17, 2022
On my 29th bday, I was at a bar talking to this girl and her friends who I had just met that night for over an hour, or so. I excused myself to go to the taco truck outside. She said, “aren’t you gonna ask me for my number?” We’ve been married 10 years. I think about that a lot.— J. Cobb! (@The_J_Cobb) January 17, 2022
So there’s a possibility that every man who has rejected my “hints” might have actually just been oblivious and not secretly laughing at me for being pathetic? That is… actually comforting.— katen (@KatenCheyenne) January 17, 2022
This thread makes me feel better about all the times I’ve wondered if a guy was oblivious or fucking hated me hahaha— jax (@undrcoverninjax) January 17, 2022
Like guys - a lot of you missed these cues bc you did not, for whatever reason, want to get them AND THATS FINE— S.I. Rosenbaum (@sirosenbaum) January 18, 2022
For every cute story about a nice guy who didn’t get the hint (and these are very fun) we ladies have a story about a not so nice guy who thought just talking to them meant we wanted to sleep with them.— pwig (@SocialCitations) January 17, 2022
This one doesn’t fit the theme but I like it.— Matthew S. Schwartz (@SchwartzReports) January 17, 2022
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