Twitter Tales: Strange Love Discovered On 1AM McDonald's Run

By Kristy Puchko | Social Media | April 12, 2016 |

By Kristy Puchko | Social Media | April 12, 2016 |

Twitter has become a fast-evolving form for storytellers. Zola and her tale of hustling. Screenwriter Chris McQuarrie sharing his life-changing trip to Devils Tower. Dave Holmes revealing how he trolled a band of stupid scammers. And now Josh Raby, a Nashville-based writer/director, has caught the world’s eye with his bizarre tale of love, rediscovery and McDonald’s apple pies.

It's 1AM and I decided I wanted a milkshake. So there's a McDonald's near my house. I'm greeted at the drive thru by the following sentence:

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"Hey holy shit hello, you are at McDonald's, and I am begging your patience."

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

There are no other cars here, by the way. I'm caught off guard so I mumble "Um, ok you can have it."

The voice comes back:
"Praise you."

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

So I sit for a minute, then he finally returns and says "please tell me your order"

So I say "milkshake"
I don't know why that's all I said

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"I'll need a minute", he replies. I realize I did not describe my desired milkshake in any way so I yell "I need to tell you what kind."

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

He is gone for several minutes. When he returns he says flatly "we aren't going to be able to do the milkshake. I do have many apple pies."

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Do not ask me why I did this but the next words out of my mouth were

"Are you ok"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"I am not ok. Would you please tell me your order so I can try to punch it in? I will be very slow, but I will get it."

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

I tell him not to worry, I am not upset, and at this point for some reason I order a chicken sandwich

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

My chicken sandwich order confuses him. Several minutes are spent repeating what I want on it, watching the screen as he tries over and over

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

At one point I guess he gave up because the screen just went black for a while.

I hear a deep exhale.

"Dude I lost my wife".

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"I'm sorry, man, I-"

"Please describe your chicken sandwich to me again so I can succeed at one thing."

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Anyway he finally gets it and then says "I really do feel bad about the milkshake situation. Can I sell you an apple pie?"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"Fine. I will buy an apple pie."

"Apple pies are cheaper than milkshakes anyway."

"Ok, thanks"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Then there is a weird series of beeps and when his voice comes back in he is fucking SCREAMING into his headset:
"I FOUND HER! THANK GOD!"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"What? Who did you find?"

"MY WIFE. SHE WAS WATCHING ME FROM BEHIND THE BOXES!"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

At this point I have ordered a chicken sandwich I do not want and an apple pie I do not want and no milkshake and I've been here 22 minutes

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"Can you give me my total" I say because honestly I don't know if I want to understand his marriage or if I even could and I just want to go

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

So he says "your total is 8 HOLD ON my wife is here and she wants me to tell you she will sell you 2 apple pies at a discount"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"What is the discount?"

"2 apple pies for only 2 dollars. You should take it."

(Note: One apple pie is $1.19)

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

"Give me the extra pie"

"She says thank you"

"Tell her I said no problem"

Why am I talking to his wife like this why

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

I pull around and they are fucking making out in the window and he has his thumb out like he is aware I will be driving up to this

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Both of these people are in their mid-40s

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

They unstick themselves from one another and I hand him my card "sorry about this. I haven't worked at McDonald's in 16 years" he says

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

I say "it's fine" to which he says "FINE just stands for FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, and ERROR-PRONE"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

His wife cackles and says "I knew that when I was 13, get with it, man!"

I have been here 37 minutes.

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

I am then treated to a story about how they met at a McDonald's that is very short and is really only "we met at McDonald's in 1993"

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

So listen I get my card and drive ahead to the next window and THERE IS A WHOLE SEPARATE FUCKING HUMAN AT THAT WINDOW

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

He hands me my bag, leans out the window and says "you get to drive away" then promptly shuts the window and sits on a stool, head in hands

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

My chicken sandwich was wrong, by the way

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Overnight, the tweeted tale blew up. Raby woke up to thousands of notifications, and “milkshake truther” movement that insisted he’d made the whole thing up. To that, he offered:

To all the online publications asking me to confirm this dumb story I respectfully submit the following pic.twitter.com/arDMusgUwi

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Can I tell you a secret

If you are angry my milkshake story might be just a story, then I have bad news for you about most of being alive

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

So far, he’s handling Interfame with aplomb.

pic.twitter.com/L4c665QCE0

— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) April 11, 2016

Kristy Puchko spends too much time on Twitter.