Happy pride month, my loves! I would apologize on the behalf of other straight people, but I hate their dumb faces with a fiery passion and hope they choke on their need to continuously attempt to snatch the spotlight from minorities and vulnerable groups. Case in point: a white guy in Boston decided it wasn’t even Stevens for there to be a pride parade when there isn’t a straight parade.
“Straight Pride” parade planned in Boston. With floats. pic.twitter.com/JcTsGRjNPn— carolynryan (@carolynryan) June 4, 2019
Well, congratulations, Martin! Looks like you’ve got a parade to plan since the city of Boston approved your little snowflake ass’s need for a participation trophy in the world of awareness! How nice for you, Marvin! But what’s this?
So, hey. This looks like just another dumb chucklehead stunt to laugh at, but the screencap going around about the "Boston Straight Pride Parade" cuts off the date: apparently it's August 31 - aka "college move-in weekend."— Bob Chipman (@the_moviebob) June 4, 2019
(mini thread) pic.twitter.com/54lbfRZuTH
Ooooh, damn. Move in weekend, Mikey? That’s going to require some of your finesse to speak to the manager of the city in order to get those pesky college students out of your way. Or you could just cancel the whole ridiculous thing, Merlin. Perhaps these arguments will help sway you to my way of thinking.
Straight Pride Parade????? FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) June 4, 2019
A more accurate name for the Straight Pride Parade would be Incelebration.— Adam Best (@adamcbest) June 4, 2019
That’s right, Murphy, your participation in the Straight Pride Parade as its creator will have most people convinced no one is actually having sex with you. Eeesh!
Isn’t a straight pride parade just the drive thru line at Chick-Fil-A?— Christine Thompson (@Druncan_Hines) June 4, 2019
the straight pride parade in boston should have a completely straight parade route, i thought i'd save them some time by drawing one pic.twitter.com/afbUi8mtnu— pun the jewels (@failnaut) June 4, 2019
Oooh! That’s a great parade route idea for you, Mickey!
Straight pride parade lmao people really be out here like this pic.twitter.com/Xix8xkPGIL— big mess (@blubberypancake) June 4, 2019
STRAIGHT PRIDE PARADE FLOATS— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) June 4, 2019
- Tomi Lahren stands atop NRA sponsored float holding fully loaded AR-15 not noticing speed bump ahead and OH MY GOD!!!
- Memorial float for those killed at 1st Annual Straight Pride Parade
- Charlie Kirk eats Chick-fil-A sandwich in back of Uber
Regarding straight rights, the Straight Pride Parade, men's rights, white oppression, and all the other tiresome "But what about the constantly catered-to dominant majority, won't someone finally think about them?" whining, birb is once again and always relevant. https://t.co/M4oNlr6yiN— Tasha Robinson (@TashaRobinson) June 4, 2019
For those seeking a Straight Pride Parade: read this pic.twitter.com/7ZvlWl3H1C— Shawn Olson 🔥🌊🌎 (@OOOlson) June 4, 2019
How soon you forget our very recent, very terrible hetero history…
This photo is from an actual "straight pride" parade. Those mf's only wore white and black cause apparently those boring colors represent straight people. and to hold up a disrespectful sign saying "my parents already know" is an insult to gay people who have to hide from hate pic.twitter.com/HmXc9dzLFc— Nick Adler (@8080magrath) June 4, 2019
So please, Mancy, just let this idea of a Straight Pride Parade go. Heteros already have inexorable rights to marry, walk in public with their significant other, and even get a reality television series on TLC if you’re a dude that marries several women. You don’t need a parade. You’ve got a safe and accepted way of life every day of the year. So sit down and drink Coors Light in your basement while yelling macho things and leave the parades to communities that need them.
Image sources (in order of posting): NBC, Tumblr