This is the world we live in now. Make your peace with it. Or don’t. Honestly, I’m not sure where we go from here. Is this the end? This is probably the end. Christ.
Are you ready to Rumblr? The new app from the New York based Rumblr, Inc appears to be an actual, real thing, and not some kind of John Oliver bit gone horribly awry.
The app uses Tinder based functionality to find real world fist fights for you.
This is what we’re doing now. We’re all just fine with this. No one is stopping this from happening. Our culture is a sick joke and I’m too depressed not to laugh. This is both the bang and the whimper.
For free (this is an actual selling point) you can find other brawling enthusiasts near you. From the Rumblr site, this is how they imagine that interaction will go down:
That’s how people talk, right? This is how we make plans? Good. Awesome. Awesome for humanity, all around. Glad that there’s a suggestion on how to pick a fight over someone’s looks. We might not have figured that out on our own, because we’re all doomed.
As you’ll notice above, there are also options for RumblrHER (for women) and RumblrGROUP which allows you to jump in with other fighters so you don’t need to go through all that extra work of picking the fight yourself or deciding what part of your opponents face you hate the most.
I just signed up for the beta. I’ll probably use this. I kind of wish someone was punching me in the face right now, and hey, this app could make it happen. I want no one to feel good ever again. This is my design.
There are also options within the app to allow non-fighters to go witness fight, in case you want to just watch crimes happen and be tangentially involved.
I’ve completely come around. I think this is a great idea now and if you disagree, I wish there was a way we could meet up and hash out those differences. If you’d like an ass whoppin’ feel free to sign up on the site as well.
If this is ever revealed to be hoax, though I cannot believe that to be true, we’ll update the information here. Don’t bother checking back, because this is an honest reflection of a society we choose to inhabit now. God, I’m getting aroused just thinking about what’ll happen to the streets of SF once tech-bros get their hands on this. It’s not even my birthday.
I got beta access apparently. This seems to be a real thing.