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The Pajiba Staff As Written By A Male Author Female Description Generator

By Jodi Smith | Social Media | April 11, 2018 |

By Jodi Smith | Social Media | April 11, 2018 |


Last week social media was full of women Tweeting out descriptions of themselves as a male author may write them.

Some of us didn’t even know where to start, so Electric Literature did us all a solid and came up with a chart to guide you to your ultimate description via male gaze.


Obviously, the Pajiba staff took this opportunity to figure out how male writers would describe us.

Tori - “She had a complexion like a tempestuous princess and I thirsted to insult her” - honestly, that checks out.

Genevieve - “She had hair like a juicy bedsheet and I resolved to examine her.” Seems reasonable, I would also want to examine how someone could have hair like a juicy bedsheet.

Emily - “She had an ass like a plump Popsicle, and I deigned to admire her.”


Dustin - “She had lips like a soft ghost and I ached to correct her.” That tracks.

Kristy - “She had a rump like a shrill Popsicle and I did not care to fondle her.” ok, ouch.

Ursula - “She had a pout like a shrill ghost and I intended to compliment her boobs.” I love how mine is just some nonsense and ends with basically TL;DR bewbs. I mean, that basically tracks with the entire premise.

Jodi - “She had curves like a tempestuous ice cream cone and I thirsted to invade/compliment her” I didn’t know whether to keep going with the middle name or last name. I mean, my curves are like a waffle cone if you flip it upside down.

Hannah - All of these sound like they should be read in the voice of Lord Flashheart from Blackadder: “She’s got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man’s tonsils”