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He's Got Style, He's Got Grace, Watch a Boston Cop Slide on His Face

By Nate Parker | Social Media | August 2, 2023 |

By Nate Parker | Social Media | August 2, 2023 |


There’s nothing like a beautiful summer day to make adults think they’re kids again. Just ask the unidentified Boston PD officer who went viral yesterday for his trip down a children’s slide. I’ve dubbed him Officer Knievel for the death-defying stunt. Let’s go straight to the clip. Make sure your audio is turned up.


♬ original sound - Eric

That was the happiest 8 seconds of my life.

It’s obvious from the start something’s gone terribly wrong. Even though we can’t see Officer Knievel’s entry, both the clatter of his equipment and the giggling onlookers indicate whatever’s coming is worth the wait. After what feels like an eternity the cop emerges from the slide orifice as though fired from a giant’s birth canal with the ragdoll physics of a Max Payne NPC. Why he slid down on his stomach is debatable, but its effects aren’t. His utter lack of control is obvious, as his right leg exits the slide at the first opportunity.


Meanwhile, the bizarre pose leaves the cop’s hands in a strangely submissive position, perhaps hoping to protect his groin from the gun, nightstick, radio, and other equipment belted to his waist. If so, he fails completely and leaves both his crotch and face vulnerable to gravity’s tender mercies.


Finally, our erstwhile hero briefly levitates before sliding across that weird, squishy surface we cover playgrounds in these days rather than the uncompromising pavement that toughened previous generations of children. Despite the safety features, it appears the officer left several layers of skin behind, like a biker who left his riding leathers in the closet. He glares at the slide for its audacity, his handcuffs and a fully loaded magazine victims of his uncontrolled descent.


It’s unknown if the officer shot the slide for resisting arrest. Officer Knievel’s identity remains a mystery, local news sparing him the embarrassment of being forever known as the Slide Cop since he hasn’t requested workman’s comp. All jokes aside, this might be the best PR the Boston Police Department could hope for because it makes cops look just as foolishly impulsive as we are. Granted, most of us aren’t carrying a loaded firearm when we risk life and limb and even with a hammerless pistol, it’s mildly surprising he didn’t shoot himself in the junk. So, thank you for you service, Officer Knievel. You brightened the day for hundreds of thousands if not millions of people. Surely that’s worth the endless abuse you’ll receive from your fellow officers from now until the day you retire.