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Garlic Bread Has an Opinion on Gender and I Don't Even Know What's Happening Anymore

By Courtney Enlow | Social Media | June 13, 2016 |

By Courtney Enlow | Social Media | June 13, 2016 |

Warning: My brow is very furrowed and I can’t stop sighing and now I’m going to try to actually write about this and try to make sense of it and it won’t go well.

So. Garlic bread. It’s a food item. You’re with me so far. There’s a Facebook page called Garlic Bread Memes where people meme garlic bread. I’ve already lost some of you. The rest of you need to hold hands with a buddy as we go the rest of the way.

So, Garlic Bread Memes posted a meme about gender identity. No, you can’t go home, you are with me in this thing until the end, god dammit.

It was seen as transphobic, what with how it is literally transphobic, non-binary phobic, etc., and also it’s garlic bread. Garlic bread is very proud of this attention that it’s received. Seriously. Look how proud garlic bread is of the attention garlic bread is receiving for its thoughts on gender identity, during Pride and now in the aftermath of a mass shooting targeting the LGBT+ community. And also it’s garlic bread.

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Like…can you imagine being the person behind this page? And this is, like, your MOMENT? And you’re so excited about your “fame” and attention, and you’re garlic bread? Like…you’re garlic bread. You don’t have a name or a face and you’re definitely garlic bread but you get an opinion on gender identity even though you’re garlic bread?

This is not without precedent. Just five years ago, chicken sandwiches had opinions on marriage equality. Droves of people came out to support chicken sandwiches in their fight for morals and the love between cisgender men and woman, and also chicken sandwiches. Mike Huckabee, former presidential candidate, literally initiated a whole day of support and appreciation for chicken sandwiches and their fight for freedom, specifically freedom for chicken and eliminating the freedom of other people who are not chicken in favor of chicken and Christian values. Chicken values.

It’s really hard to exist right now. This is a really weird stupid world. And it’s only going to get worse, thanks to the nation’s first Cheeto presidential candidate.