What’s the second-most decorated American female gymnast of all time at the Olympics doing now that the Rio games are over? Is she still only focusing on her career to the total and complete exclusion of her social life? Or will she finally, at the ripe old age of twenty-two realize, that there’s more to life than only being wildly successful in a specific field while maintaining close, yet presumably platonic relationships? Well, don’t worry, folks, because after only winning back-to-back gold medals, Aly Raisman has finally done something of consequence: she was asked out on a date.
You might watch that video and think it’s simply a cute way for a guy to ask the friend of a friend to hang out sometime. That this is one of the perks of being a sort of famous person. You get to ask out other famous people, and it’s not creepy! You’d be totally and completely wrong if you believed that. This is probably the beginning of the greatest athlete producing marriage in the history of marriages. Because yeah, I’m sure Raisman has a number of interests outside of gymnastics that an interviewer could have asked her about, but those things don’t lead to getting a ring on it. So let’s ask her who she wants to bone down on instead.
And that’s what really matters here. You could say that Raisman trained and completed as fiercely as she did in order to fulfill a lifelong dream and for her own personal happiness. But it was also the best way to bring all the boys to the yard. She wasn’t out there doing all those flips to not get noticed, amirite? So don’t worry, Aly. You might have a some really big decisions over the next couple of years deciding if your body can physically handle the incredible strain it’s put under in order to complete those amazing feats, but if you’re lucky by that point your husband will way more famous.
Keep up the great work, the media! It’s truly God’s work to keep reminding us what’s important.