I’ve given this video, in which Jason Momoa (Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones, a future of obscurity) plays a game of slaps with the dorky Radio Birds manager Dustin Boyer, who has never seen Game of Thrones.
You know what’s sadder than being the dork who gets your ass handed to you in a game of slaps with Conan the Barbarian? Being the dork at home watching the video and spending entirely too much time over-thinking it. This is stupid (ADMITTEDLY), but the conclusion I’ve come to is this: Jason Momoa is kind of a dick.
Oh, but Momoa let him off easy in the end, whiffing so that poor Dustin Boyer could end the night with some skin still remaining on his hands. How could he be a dick?
Well, OK. Let’s think about that. If I’m a celebrity with arms the size of Gwyneth Paltrow’s torso, what would I have to prove about my manhood, right? First of all, if a dorky guy wants to play slaps, I’m gonna say “no” at least once before I agree to do it, because I’m humble, motherf*ckers. But sure, if the drunk kid really wants to play slaps, I’ll humor him.
How do you make the best of that situation, if you’re strong enough to pull a tree up by its roots? Well, you let the other guy win, of course. Because what have I got to prove? I’m Jason fucking Momoa. I have a two kids with Lisa Bonet. I could chew bubblegum and crush this guy’s skull at the same time. So, I let him slap me three or four times, then I hit him twice and then I whiff, to let the dork go home to his World of Warcraft game thinking he got the best of Khal Drago.
What I don’t do is explain the rules in a very serious way, and then tell the guy — after he misses the first time — that, “Dude, you’re fucked,” and then make some spacebar joke at the geek’s expense. What I really don’t do is continue slapping the poor fumbling guy’s hands until he’s clearly in pain and is beginning to look like a chump in front of his friends and then whiff out to let the guy off easy. Easy was five slaps ago.
Sure, Dustin Boyer has a good story to tell either way, but if he’d beaten Khal Drago, he’d be telling that story to his grandkids, who are gonna say, “Who’s Jason Momoa, grandad?”
I’m sure Jason Momoa is a very nice guy, but I’m feeling a lot of sympathy for the dorky guy today.