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Until The Baynis Can Create Explosions Inside a Vagina, This Will Have to Do

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | December 2, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | December 2, 2010 |

Michael Bay is back with his annual Victoria’s Secret commercial, where he once again attempts to compensate for his tiny, tiny penis by putting women on white horses and imagining all the things he could do with her on top of that horse, if only it weren’t for the micro-penis. Pauvre small schlonged Baynis, torturing himself again by producing a fantasy land where only men with normal sized packages would be welcome. Mr. Bay’s inability to drive, thrust, shove or plunge has once again manifested itself in these magnificent winged creatures in their drawers, prancing around in stilettos.

You’re not fooling anybody, Bay. We all know that, this Christmas, like every other Christmas of your life, you’ll once again search in vain under that Christmas tree for an average sized penis that Santa Claus will never grant you. Nothing but coal, motherfucker.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.