There are many, many, many, many (one for each reptile) good reasons to skip the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The new theme song. The awful-looking CGI. The Michael Bay factor. The poor, poor Will Arnett. The Megan Fox as April (NO THANK YOU). But I can safely say it won’t be the worst film in the TMNT series. That would be the 1990 original, which had the gall to cast Sam Rockwell and NOT LET HIM DANCE.
He played the leader of a street punk gang menacing the streets of New York. He also wore the shit out of a black leather jacket, ripped jeans, and an array of silver chains. Sounds great, right? NOPE. Sam Rockwell needs to dance in order to survive (every contract he signs should include the clause, “My client must perform some sort of hip-swaying dance number lasting for at least three minutes”), and new TMNT let him down. Basically, they killed him.
To make up for this devastating travesty, here are some consolation Rockwell GIFs, dudes and dudettes.
Nadia Chaudhury has taken to watching shitty Netflix movies during her work day, and watched Everybody’s Fine, where Sam Rockwell doesn’t dance, but does play a drummer in an orchestra, so that’s sorta close. Sorta.