OK, OK, Geostorm might not be the best movie of 2017. That honor definitely belongs to Rob “The Fast and the Furious” Cohen’s Category 5 (reminder: “Thieves attempt a massive heist against the U.S. Treasury as a Category 5 hurricane approaches one of its Mint facilities.”) if said film ends up with a 2017 release date. But I an entirely confident saying Geostorm is the La La Land to Category 5’s Moonlight. Let’s go to the footage.

There’s a lot to unpack here. Items 1-100: WEATHER DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

Item 101: This shot of Daniel Wu. I only made it through one episode of Into the Badlands because I am constitutionally incapable of finishing TV shows, but damn, that is an attractive man.

Item 102: SCOTTISH VIKING GERARD BUTLER IS IN THIS.

Item 103: LAGERTHA FROM VIKINGS IS IN THIS.

ITEM 104: NATHAN FROM MISFITS IS IN THIS.

Item 105: “Geostorm Warning.” AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT A GEOSTORM IS? IS THAT A THING? I DON’T THINK THAT’S A THING.

Item 106: “THE WORLD… WILL BE TAKEN BY STORM”

Item 107: Looks like the “sad cover of a popular song” trailer club has another entry. That never gets old. (No, it does.)

This looks like the most hilariously stupid thing ever. October 20. Buy your tickets now. It’s going to sell out fast.

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