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'Star Wars VII' Revealed to Be J.J. Abrams' Shallow, Cynical Attempt to Exploit Our Nostalgia to Help Needy Children

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | July 21, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | July 21, 2014 |

J.J. Abrams shot another video from the set of Star Wars VII — in front of an X-Wing (or Z-95 Headhunter, depending on who you ask) — in order to remind us about some opportunity to be an extra in the movie and/or see the movie before its in theaters, if only we donate to UNICEF, which fights internationally for children’s rights, survival, development and protection.

GAWD, Abrams. We see what’s going on here. You don’t even care about Star Wars. All you care about is helping deserving children in third-world countries, and you’re willing to exploit our love of Star Wars in order to benefit the poor and underprivileged. What a wanker, right?

You don’t see Michael Bay trying to bilk us for money, do you? NO! Because Bay has no ulterior motives. He probably doesn’t even know what ulterior motive means. He exploits our nostalgia for pure, unvarnished commercial reasons. You gotta respect that!