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See, This Is Exactly What Those Crazy Back-to-the-Landers Were Afraid Would Happen

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | September 20, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | September 20, 2012 |

Did I ever tell y’all that my wife grew up with back-to-lander parents? True story: She grew up without electricity and some sort of messed up outhouse like the ones you find in state parks, which is just basically a huge hole in the ground with a toilet seat on top. She also lived in a house that her parents built, and cold foods like milk were put in the nearby stream to keep cool. They lived off the land, which meant eating a lot of berries and grass, I guess. She also had no television growing up (which makes the fact that she married me all the more ironic).

Why would someone choose to live like that? Because they must have known that someday in the not-too-distant future, a slightly chubby little girl who drank a concoction of Red Bull and Mountain Dew Code Red to keep her humming and who would be famous as a pageant toddler would one day sit down shoot snot rockets out of her nose for the entertainment of millions of people.

I’ve looked into the abyss, and all I saw were Honey Boo Boo’s snot rockets.

God help us.


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.