Steven reviewed one of the yule log videos for you two years ago. It went okay.
Did you know that there are various versions and lengths of yule log videos for your strange Christmas viewing pleasure? Well, there are and I have done you the huge favor of watching and ranking them. Save time with my handy guide!
5. Jesus with Yule Log
You get the Son of God drinking wine and an adorable pupper with your yule log. Unfortunately, the crackling of the fire is difficult to hear and Jesus looks super bored. I mean, he’s the birthday boy, so you would think he would be more stoked about the holidays and the yule log. But then again, Jabba the Trump is probably weighing heavily on His mind.
Still, it’s a pretty good yule log clip for those of you that like your cracklin’ fires with a bit of messiah.
4. Darth Vader Yule Log Five Hours
The beauty of this yule log video is the bonus Luke Skywalker cameo. Then the whole watching a corpse burn without police knocking on your door to question you. Again.
The crackling of the fire is very satisfying and it seems that plastic armor that holds a decimated body together is not susceptible to fire in any way you would expect. He doesn’t seem to be breaking down or melting, but I bet the inside of that armor suit is like a goddamned soup. So that’s—that’s not great. Uh.
3. BB-8 and the Yule Log
Another Star Wars yule log, you complain. YES. THIS IS MY LIST.
The fire is warm and crackling and someone has made a bed for a tiny BB-8 right in front of it. It looks like a pile of blanket, perhaps. Very Christmas-y and nice. The fire burns with satisfying pops and sparks, some of which startle our little droid. BB-8 beeps and sings in response.
I imagine this is how Life Day plays out. Just snuggling droids by a warm fire while reminiscing about Grandpa Wookiees watching soft-core porn in the other room. It’s lovely.
2. Deadpool - Christmas Yule Log
It’s probably not the kind of log you expected, but it is the log we deserve from 2016. We blamed it for all kinds of deaths and problems and everything. But 2016 is just a date from a timekeeping system we made up, so it holds no real power over the universe or our fate as human beings. It is arbitrary in nature and cannot be blamed for bad things.
Deadpool shit in that bag and then lit it on fire!
1. Nick Offerman’s “Yule Log”
This one is a tight 44 minutes and features everyone’s favorite woodworker and actor, Nick Offerman. The video begins with a closeup of the fireplace and burning yule log before pulling back to reveal a bearded and manly Offerman drinking Lagavulin™ Single Malt Scotch Whisky and gazing upon you from his leather throne.
There are no words. None are needed. There is just the crisp crackle of the traditional yule log, your adoring gaze, and the manly manliness of Nick Offerman, imbibing the manliest of alcohols. The fireplace itself is exquisite, with fine details and meticulous accents. The floor is hardwood with a pattern of sorts, it appears, and a simple geometric rug holds Offerman and his chair. The cabinets behind Offerman are simple and filled with organized-yet-messy books.
Yes. This is the one. This is the yule log video to rule them all.