This past Monday was Labor Day in the U.S., a day dedicated to the sacred act of day drinking in swimming pools. (And yeah, sure, other stuff about respect for the American labor force too, I guess.) But for the country’s youths, Labor Day also traditionally marks the return to school. Unfortunately for American children, our education system is, by and large, well… I don’t want to say a joke, because that’s an insult to jokes and joke makers everywhere, but it definitely falls somewhere in the general humor category. But, like, the unfunny, depressing kind of humor.
Last Week Tonight was off this week (for drunken pool parties!), but lucky for us, John Oliver just had to stop by YouTube to help skew the back-to-school blues into the good kind of humor, and to prep students for the upcoming school year. Below is a handy four-minute primer for whatever grade you happen to be going into, with all the things you need to know, and a bunch of stuff you’ll never need to know, no matter what your teacher tell you.
Things John Oliver will teach you:
—A logarithm is either some sort of equation or a form of lumberjack contraception and it really makes no difference to your adult functionality to not know which.
—Asia and Africa are places that exist.
—Warren G. Harding was a super perv. (Though he’d already expounded on that subject.)
—The ending of basically every book ever. (Spoiler: the American Dream dies.)