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Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly Set to Debate the Real Issues, So the Presidential Candidates Won't Have To

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | September 18, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | September 18, 2012 |

The entire presidential campaign season this year has been dominated not by substance or ideas, but by negativity and personal attacks. It’s all kind of gross, really, and it came to a head yesterday when Mother Jones released a video of Mitt Romney basically dismissing 47 percent of America as deadbeat mooches who pay no taxes, take no personal responsibility themselves, and dine each night on expensive government cheese. Mmmmm. Government cheese (no seriously: Growing up, I knew kids who got government cheese, and that sh*t was awesome. It taste SO good after a crack rock).

Basically, Romney is speaking to most of our readership, and the fact that you’re all reading this when you SHOULD BE WORKING totally proves his point, right? (Side note: Think of how much extra money the government could generate if those welfare and Social Security checks came in coupon booklets sponsored by corporate grocery brands, or they had to click on a website ad to receive their money. Think of the THOUSANDS of pennies the government would save! Oh, wait? What am I thinking. Like all of you tax-avoiding mooches, they’ll just complain about the ads or install adblock.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes: The substance-free presidential campaign. Well, things are about to change because Jon Stewart and Bill O’Reilly have agreed to a 90-minute debate on October 6th, billed as “The Rumble in the Air-Conditioned Auditorium.” The two have debated frequently and mostly respectfully on each others’ shows many times over the years (and their mutual respect/disdain for one another is kind of adorable), but a 90-minute debate will give them an opportunity to really get to the meat of the substance, or more likely, give Bill O’Reilly more time to SHOUT.

It’s going to be kind of awesome, and surely more informative than the actual presidential debates, which will probably entail Obama trying to run down the clock while Romney sneers atop his podium made of $100 bills and gold bricks.

Here’s a promo for the debate, which will cost $4.95 to watch, and all proceeds will go to various charities.

Also, Maguita NYC has suggested that we do an open thread during the debate, and I think that’d be great. Consider it done. Be back here on October 6th, and bring your personal attacks and negativity.