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Oliver FIFA.jpg

John Oliver Had A Very Good Night, Tries To Ruin His Arch Nemesis

By Emily Cutler | Videos | June 1, 2015 |

By Emily Cutler | Videos | June 1, 2015 |

John Oliver usually has a pretty good Sunday night, but last night’s was particularly good. In real life he was winning a Peabody at the University of Georgia, and in TV life, he was attempting to take down his nemesis FIFA president Sepp Blatter.

Ordinarily I’d say that having a real life nemesis is petty and juvenile, but in this case? Oliver’s completely right. Last Week Tonight has already done a piece on the surprising amounts of corruption in FIFA, and the walking, talking asshole that is Sepp Blatter. Because in this case, the corruption is more than just unfair advantages and bribes. It’s actually a matter of life and death. The current death toll resulting from the construction in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup? Estimated at 1,200.

And while I appreciate Oliver’s relentless investigative work on this subject, he might have taken it a bit too far.

Listen, John, I know you’re desperate to convince the World Cup’s sponsors to get rid of Blatter. But this?

I will even drink a Bud Light Lime, despite the fact that all the lime in the world cannot disguise the fact that this tastes like a puddle beneath a Long John Silver dumpster. But I will do it. I will drink one, making eye contact with the camera, and I will say it was delicious. Because if you get rid of the Swiss demon who has ruined the sport I love, this stuff will taste like fucking champagne.

NOOOOOOOOOOO! A Bud Light Lime, John?! As a person who has been known to willingly drink a Bud Light (only on camping trips!), I beg you not to do that to yourself. We’ll figure this out, I promise. But you sacrificing yourself for the greater good isn’t worth it. We need you too much.