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Jessica Williams Whitesboro.jpg

Jessica Williams And 'The Daily Show' Solve Racism

By Emily Cutler | Videos | January 22, 2016 |

By Emily Cutler | Videos | January 22, 2016 |

Remember that story from Kristy last week about the town in New York with the crazy racist village seal? Turns out now we have someone to blame for it. Pajiba 10 Jessica Williams. Yep.

On the plus side, the citizens of Whitesboro recognize that racism is bad. That’s why they don’t want to be considered racists. The problem is that they seem to believe racism is something that people do. And that’s not the case. Now to be clear, people do commit overtly racist acts, but the large majority of racism goes undetected by most people. We all know it exists and that we live with it, but it’s harder to identify the specific source.

It’s basically like pissing in a swimming pool.

Let’s get real, guys. You know every time you get into a swimming pool there’s piss in there. And we all know that we’ve pissed in a pool from time to time. Not necessarily because we’re bad people, but because we’re people. We’re lazy, stupid, inconsiderate bastard people. And we’re all swimming around in piss.

It’s not like it would do a lot of good to try to identify the culprit of the piss. Even if we could mark each person who has ever pissed in the pool, we’re not getting that piss back into the pisser. So we deal with it in other ways: we use chemicals, we clean the pool regularly, we don’t let Pissy McPisserson swim in our pool because he is doing it intentionally. You know what we don’t do? We don’t shout, “You can’t use chlorine in that pool! That’s reverse pissism!” We recognize our own societal shortcomings, and we take steps to counteract them. We make sure that we control the amount of piss in the pool so that it doesn’t reach a dangerous level. Otherwise we’d all just be swimming around hanging out in piss water. And no one would want that.

Unless of course you’re talking about Dan Snyder. It’s clear to all of us that that dude loves piss water.