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Donald Trump Is the Birthday Party Magician of Toupees

By Vivian Kane | Videos | August 27, 2015 |

By Vivian Kane | Videos | August 27, 2015 |

You know you’re about to watch a good Donald Trump moment when he starts off with “I DON’T WEAR A TOUPEE.” Even better is that then, to prove his point, he doesn’t pull on his hair, as most people would. Instead, he sort of gently pushes at it with his palm. And then, in the style of stage magicians everywhere, he calls up a volunteer from the audience. Well, I don’t know if we can call her a volunteer. Just some pretty stranger he points at who happened to be sitting right in front of him and also barely touches his head. He even asks the catchphrase of magicians and snake oil salesmen alike, “Have I ever met you before?” And answering for her: “No.”

What if this whole presidential campaign was one big misdirection, trying to get us to stop looking at his terrible, terrible toupée?

Also, just to make this extra gross, what’s the best compliment Trump can pay this woman? “Somebody’s got a very nice wife. I don’t know whose she is, but she’s very nice.” Now, you can say I’m nitpicking by being upset with the possessive wording here, and you’re right. I am. But this man is running for f*cking president, so personally, I’d like someone who’s a little more careful with their semantics. You may also say I’m mishearing him, and he said “I don’t know WHO she is,” not “whose.” But I listened to that clip way more times than I feel comfortable with (because I’m obsessive and I hate this man), and either he’s slurring his speech or he reduced this woman to ‘belonging’ to her husband.

But hey! No wig! (*scoff of staunch disbelief*)

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