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Based Only On The Trailer, Which Of These 5 Movies Should We See This Weekend?

By Emily Cutler | Twitter | May 26, 2016 |

By Emily Cutler | Twitter | May 26, 2016 |

I’m a big fan of trailers. Like one of those enjoys-the-trailers-more-than-the-movie fans. And while some movies just don’t translate well into a trailer, you should usually be able to get a pretty decent idea on whether you have any interest in seeing the movie being trailed (that’s how that verb works, right?). Based then on only the trailers (and no advanced screenings or critic reviews), let’s decide which of the following movies we actually want to see this weekend.

X-Men Apocalypse

This is why I had to specify “want.” I will see this movie. If my track record with First Class and Days of Future Past are any indication, I’ll see this movie every time I come across it on cable. But I don’t really want to see it. It feels slightly more bloated with CGI and special effects than the previous two movies, the cast seems too large to handle effectively, all of the surprisingly deep tension and love between Eric and Xavier seems to be replaced with cliches about taking everything from everyone, and, if I’m being brutally honest, there’s too much Jennifer Lawrence. I love Jennifer Lawrence, but the X-Men movies have been her weakest work. Maybe it’s a bad fit with Bryan Singer, but her deliveries have been wooden at best. Unless she’s managed to completely turn this around, I can’t imagine not cringing through the entire movie.

Alice Through the Looking Glass

If, like me, you made it out of your 20s without a bad acid trip, now’s your chance to get the experience. Complete with terrible background music that your drug dealer insists you listen to “to really feel it.”

Presenting Princess Shaw

I want to watch the shit out of this documentary. The only thing I dislike about this trailer is when a review called it “a real-life Cinderella story.” Any implication that Princess Shaw’s involvement in her own success is passive is a big mistake. It’s actually a story of a seemingly working-class woman busting her ass to make a successful musical career whose talents are properly appreciated by someone working in the music industry. We can talk about the ways in which technology made this happen, and how astounding that is. But her using the name Princess Shaw in no way makes Kutiman her rescuing prince.

Last Man Club

Why is it that the only time we feel compelled to make movies about the elderly, it’s usually some hokey bullshit about elderly men reclaiming their youth by doing “manly” shit? Last Vegas, The Bucket List, even (if we’re getting really real) Cocoon? WWII veterans deserve a better story than some cliche-filled bullshit about how great the old days were back before people started taking their rights away. Luckily they still have the token, young, hot chick to remind them of what they’re fighting for.


This is why I love trailers. What the shit is going on? I’m not entirely sure what this movie is about, and I want to watch it now. How are the rules of this game decided? How do they prevent people from cheating? What’s the prize? Why is the background music so threatening? What kind of commentary is this making about the ways in which men are seemingly as superficial and bitchily competitive as women are stereotyped as being? WHY CAN’T I WATCH YOU NOW?

The fucking Greeks*, man. They make everything weirdly sexy.

*Thanks to commenter lemurlove for the correction. The French haven’t done anything for us lately.