Well. That’s it. That’s all we get this season, and honestly, I’m disappointed. Maybe we’ve had an embarrassment of riches the past few seasons with Jax cheating (and denying he was cheating) last season, and Tom and Katie’s wedding the season before but this season was just…OK. There was some magic in the editing, but ultimately there just wasn’t enough story this time to keep me fully engaged.
So what did part-three of the reunion shed light on?
Not a lot.
(Also, note to Bravo: we really, really, really don’t need every franchise to have a three-part reunion. Honestly. We used to get by on just one ep. Then it got upgraded to two, and now we’re at three, and that’s just overkill. There is not enough drama or story to fill three-reunion eps. Stop already. Two is enough!)
We had Doute and DJ James Kennedy chipping away at each other, and holy cats is that tiring, even though I love Doute, DJJK is not a worthy foe for her. He’s just a gnat buzzing around the group that she keeps trying to swat away, unsuccessfully, and gets sidetracked while doing so. Lady, focus on what you do best— drinking and falling over and making a general spectacle of yourself.
DJJK laid into Brittney again because Jax talks sh*t about Graham’s mom (Raquel) so he attacks Brittney in a very warped sense of logic. Even Lisa and Andy, DJJK’s biggest enablers, told him he was in the wrong, there. Stassi finally lost her s*it with him because everytime someone would speak, he would mutter that no one cared about them, under his breath, but still audibly enough to grate on her nerves. DJJK, to the rest of the cast, is the walking embodiment of this:
Well, at least I don’t have to think or write about DJJK until the late fall.
So what else happened that wasn’t DJJK related?
Well, we talked about Simpler Tom’s penis quite a bit, which he still contends is a classic one. I don’t really have anything to add to that, but I’m of the opinion that maybe you shouldn’t talk about your husband’s junk on TV in a disparaging manner (or any manner really), but I’m not married, so maybe that’s their thing?
It was Katie’s turn to get beat up a little, and it wasn’t as bad as I think she was expecting it to be. That’s probably because DJJK was there, acting like a fool, to draw everyone’s ire.
Doute also came after Stassi for her tainted love towards her, and her relationship with Carter. Which, also, Doute has a point that she listened to Katie and Stassi, for years, talk about their horrible relationships, but also, Carter sounds like a tool and if Doute were my friend, I would reach a breaking point early and tell her to leave his mooching ass ASAP. That guy sounded like the worst. On par with Patrick, who if you recall, sexually harassed Lisa on last year’s season finale. Speaking of which, Stassi revealed that he cheated on her in the relationship…OK, Patrick. I’m glad we don’t have to see him ever again, except in flashbacks where he’s portrayed as simply the worst.
Beau was brought out! It was fine! Stassi said that she finally realized she has to stop mixing Adderall and alcohol, which…good? I thought we knew that was a bad combo after her birthday meltdown last season (and also, uh, it can kill you.)
Does anyone else internally cringe when they use the term “dark passenger” to describe when Adderall Stassi comes out to play?! Like, it was weird when they said it on Dexter, and it’s weird now. Please come up with a better term.
Stassi, who didn’t talk to her mom for a bit after her mom was a hot mess nightmare to her (recall her telling Stassi that Beau was too good for her. Then recall her being very drunk at a dinner with the ladies and their moms, and that she told the moms that all she wanted was for Stassi to hold her and tell her she loved her. You know, typical mom stuff.) So that’s good.
Not so good was Jax’s estrangement from his mom, which I find very sad, but also I don’t know Jax or his mom, so my opinion doesn’t really matter. I hope he can reconcile with her before the wedding. (Which, friends, is happening at the end of June and I’m low key excited to see the pics on social media, and obviously it will be captured next season on VPR, since they usually start filming at the beginning of June.)
The highlight of the entire ep was that Peter is ever relegated to being on the periphery, and was only brought on at the end to serve the cast shots (which Lala turned down. Go Lala!) Take that, Peter! I don’t know why I don’t really like you, but I don’t, so your side-piece status feels good.
Until next season, friends. Raise your glasses high—I’ll see you at TomTom. (I’ll be the heavily intoxicated woman at the bar, asking about Giggy, Lisa’s dog.)
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
This season is still on. Surprise! Lisa won’t come to Camille’s wedding, which Camille is mad about, only because it means that there won’t be drama there, and thus her wedding will get less screen time, since Camille is only a friend of the housewives. Erika Jayne had a concert. The sound went out for a bit. Ominous editing was used. Everything was fine, though. Denise went out of town, and cried because she was going to miss her eldest daughter going to her first dance, which was touching. I like Denise as a Housewife. She doesn’t bring the drama, but she is interesting enough to warrant having a camera crew on her. I hope she comes back next season. I hope the majority of the others don’t.
Real Housewives of New York
Dorinda moved into her new apartment, and is already irritating the local businesses—she came in and told a florist how to do his job, and you could see the terror in the cheese guy’s eyes when she said she just moved to the neighborhood. This is the Housewives franchise at its best: when the Housewives interact with regular people, and they walk away thinking it was a positive interaction, but to everyone else, you can clearly see it wasn’t.
Anyway, Bethenny and Ramona ganged up on Tinsley to go to a sperm bank and have a baby, and Tinsley being Tinsley, was swayed to the idea within the time it takes her to slam a glass of wine. (So, quickly.)
All the ladies congregated at Luann’s sparsely decorated home upstate (seriously, I was expecting more style than what we got with that place) and we got a lot of side conversations about how out of touch Luann is now that she’s a cabaret star, and how weird and inconveniently out of the way her home is. God bless Luann, may she never change.
Barbara was there for a bit. Who knows? I don’t notice her when she’s there, and I don’t notice her when she’s gone, so…whatever.
That’s all for this week. We’ll probably be back next, focusing on some other Bravo shows, but who knows?! Until then, I’ll see you in the comments.
Header Image Source: Bravo