Tom Sandoval Is a Despicable Human Being

By Dustin Rowles | TV | April 26, 2024 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | April 26, 2024 |

I have never watched a Real Housewife or a Below Deck or any of those other shows that involve yell-y reunion episodes with Andy Cohen. However, after Scandoval dominated headlines on pop-culture sites for months, I decided — somewhat begrudgingly — to start watching Vanderpump Rules just so that I could put faces and personalities to all the names.

We are about 14 episodes into this season. I don’t like it, but also, I don’t hate it. I’m fascinated by it, but I also don’t understand why all of the people who hate each other so much continue to do things together. I assume that there is some sort of contractual obligation for, say, Tom Sandoval — who cheated on Ariana Madix with her best friend after a nine-year relationship — to go on a beach hangout with his ex so that she can hatefully glare at him. The logistics are weird, and clearly, the situations are at least partially scripted, as are the occasional obligations to have heart-to-hearts with Lisa Vanderpump, the show’s namesake who otherwise has very little to do with these people.

I also find it disorienting when they do flashbacks to episodes in previous seasons because none of these people look anything like they used to. It’s like, “Why are you showing footage of this person? Oh, that’s Katie?! Huh.”

I don’t have deep feelings for most of the cast members. I think that James Kennedy is insufferable (crying over going on a vacation without his dog? Come on!) and that his girlfriend, Ally, is boring. How is it possible that these people make a living in L.A. as a DJ and as someone who does astrology readings?

Tom Schwartz is a bit of a douche but mostly a harmless puppy dog, although his ex-wife Katie is delightfully petty, vindictive, and aggressively outspoken. I like her. I haven’t formed much of an opinion on Lala or Scheana, but Scheana’s husband, Brock, is probably the most likable, level-headed person in the entire cast (even if he’s not an official cast member).

But mostly, I just hate Tom Sandoval. He is an awful human being. In the beginning, I was somewhat fascinated by him because I wanted to know more about the dynamics of the Scandoval scandal, but each week that I get to know him better is another week in which I find him increasingly insufferable.

The man has a personal assistant. I don’t know why he has a personal assistant because he never appears to do anything except complain about having to buy the toilet paper remove clothes from the dryer. He treated his assistant like garbage, which is the most obvious sign of being an asshole, and when he found out that she was considering becoming an assistant to Ariana, he fired her. Real dick move, Tom.

Ariana’s hangups on the past are a little annoying, and her weird indecision about selling her half of the house to Tom is inexplicable (is this a scripted situation to force drama?), but I mostly sympathize with her, even if I do not understand what she saw in Tom in the first place.

But Tom! He’s constantly whining. He’s constantly playing the victim. He cheated on Ariana with her best friend, and all he can seem to do is frame it as traumatic for him. Whenever someone brings up how damaging it was for them, all he can think to say is, “Yeah, but imagine how bad it was for me!” You created the situation!

I haven’t met Raquel or Rachel (I’m sorry, I don’t understand her name situation) except in brief flashbacks because she left the show and went to rehab, which was probably the responsible thing to do. She also dropped Tom like a hot rock, and the thing that’s most galling to me is that Tom can’t stop crying about it — about how unfair it is that Rachel dumped him and wouldn’t give him another chance. Does he not see the irony? Does he not understand that what he did to Ariana is even worse? And yet, he constantly complains about how Ariana needs to move on.

And he’s always complaining about how unfair it is that he’s being punished for having an affair when another cast member drunkenly kissed someone 15 years ago. He pulled a muzzleloader on Ariana and is playing whataboutism against water pistols. Dude, shut up.

The point is: I don’t like Tom Sandoval. He’s irredeemable, and an arrogant asshole to those beneath his social status. The worst kind of person.